Friend won't let me isolate

[bloodfallsfirst]

A friend somehow senses when I'm up to buying methods or researching means, and gets me to hand the means over. Waste of money, and I'm too soft-hearted when seeing him desperate. I see him regularly for game night. Unfortunately, I need to isolate myself to build the nerve to ctb, yet he'll definitely know something is up when I stop coming to game night. Plus, his wife died last year, and he wants to be in the community more, so I of course want to accompany him to any activity possible. Advice?

 

[onleana]

if you are hesitant to cbt then it's good that he's keeping you safe. he seems like a really good friend who cares about you a lot. if you want to isolate and cbt then its a good idea to just tell him that you don't want him in your life anymore (make up some reasons) and get distant. wait some time to make sure he won't come back and tadaa. i do this all the time, works great. also i don't want to encourage you to cbt and i wish you can recover. good luck i wish you the best. sry for eng

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

if you are hesitant to cbt then it's good that he's keeping you safe. he seems like a really good friend who cares about you a lot. if you want to isolate and cbt then its a good idea to just tell him that you don't want him in your life anymore (make up some reasons) and get distant. wait some time to make sure he won't come back and tadaa. i do this all the time, works great. good luck i wish you the best. sry for eng

The only trouble is, losing him as a friend would snap my heart in two. I've known him for six years and his (deceased) wife as well. Ugh. Thanks.

 

[onleana]

The only trouble is, losing him as a friend would snap my heart in two. I've known him for six years and his (deceased) wife as well. Ugh. Thanks.

yeah i 100% get it. losing friends hurts a lot. good luck in whatever you decide friend

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Damn, you have an actual friend there. Whatever you decide to do, don't take that for granted.

 

[Crazy4u]

do you feel comfortable saying why you want to ctb? the advice would be based on the reason

 

[Angi]

The only trouble is, losing him as a friend would snap my heart in two. I've known him for six years and his (deceased) wife as well. Ugh. Thanks.

If you love someone (also as a friend), do not let them go! Life is absolutely painful enough as it is. If it wants to send you over the edge it will, but do enjoy the chocolate chips while you are here!

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

do you feel comfortable saying why you want to ctb? the advice would be based on the reason

Life is pointless. My therapist doesn't understand that. I can't handle the idea of working five days a week and doing the same dull life, even though I love my job. It all is a waste.

 

[Crazy4u]

Life is pointless. My therapist doesn't understand that. I can't handle the idea of working five days a week and doing the same dull life, even though I love my job. It all is a waste.

I understand. Work to pay bills is VERY dull. Liking your job, company, or coworkers is good but not enough. The only way around it is to care less about work and focus on your free time. It feels much better that way

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

I understand. Work to pay bills is VERY dull. Liking your job, company, or coworkers is good but not enough. The only way around it is to care less about work and focus on your free time. It feels much better that way

I don't know why, but nothing makes me happy. I've tried so hard and done so much outside activities, but in the end, I'm better off in bed and better off ctb

 

[myopybyproxy]

if you are hesitant to cbt then it's good that he's keeping you safe. he seems like a really good friend who cares about you a lot. if you want to isolate and cbt then its a good idea to just tell him that you don't want him in your life anymore (make up some reasons) and get distant. wait some time to make sure he won't come back and tadaa. i do this all the time, works great. also i don't want to encourage you to cbt and i wish you can recover. good luck i wish you the best. sry for eng

I would agree, but personally this does not work for me. My attention whore self likes to whine to anyone who will listen - purposefully removing a self pity circlejerk from my life and then being fine with no outlet for my poorly veiled narcissism is not something I can stick with - although there are places online, apparently that isn't enough for my voracious ego. So I keep treading the vanishingly thin line between being clingy and worrying people enough to end up sectioned and distancing myself from everyone so that my death will cause less collateral damage. Bold of me to assume it would cause any in the first place. But I know that's false. Ugh.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

It sounds like you don't quite feel ready to ctb yet. Have you made peace with your own death?

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

It sounds like you don't quite feel ready to ctb yet. Have you made peace with your own death?

I'm 60-40 on dying, but wish I had the nerve to do it. Why am I such a wimp?!

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I'm 60-40 on dying, but wish I had the nerve to do it. Why am I such a wimp?!

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Plenty of us here feel very similar, so you're in good company. All I'm saying is, you've chosen to open up to your friend about your plans multiple times. You care about your friend and the bond that you share, and that's making it harder to go. This is normal. It is against our nature as humans to hide away and isolate from others, especially those we love. And suicide is the ultimate form of isolation, as you're separating yourself from everyone and everything in existence. There are a few people in my life that I'm close to; I have not told a single one of them about my plans, yet I am not ready to go yet myself. It's rational to be hesitant to make a decision that's so final and irreversible. My advice would be to give yourself the time and space you need to figure out if/when ctb will be right for you. I believe this is the only way to gain the nerve.