Venting Friend committed suicide

[BlueGreenLake]

Found out today that an online friend of mine committed suicide. He was very upset when I spoke to him last but I did not understand that he was considering suicide. I thought he was just taking a break from his online presence.
I don't know what to feel. I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I didn't knowing what he was planning and I wish I could speak to him again. I feel like I took his presence for granted.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

my condolences. i don't think there's anything you could have done. it's not your fault that you didn't know.

 

[Isadeth]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened with my fil. We had no idea. We also thought he was taking a break from being online. He ctb the day of the lock down in March. We didn't find him for 14 days. It was his lack of online presence that alerted us that something was wrong.

I miss him horribly. He was such a huge part of my life. I cried missing him today. It was my first birthday yesterday that he wasn't apart of and hearing him sing. It's the little things, as dumb as it sounds. The feeling of a hug or his whiskers on my cheek kissing me goodbye. His laugh. His unique accent. Even things that used to irritate me.

I beat myself up with the what if thinking, even though I'm also suicidal. I understand him. I don't blame him for what he did. But regardless it hurts.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself, I truly believe if someone really wants to die, there isn't anything you can do to stop it. You can still talk to him! I still talk to a friend I lost on here, they just don't respond.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry for your loss. There's no way you could know if your friend didn't communicate his intentions. I know how it feels when people don't say goodbye, but not everyone can. Sometimes people are too sad or scared to say goodbye. Try to focus on the memories you built together.

 

[Lilacmoon]

It's always hard to have someone leave without a goodbye. I'm always afraid of hurting people the way you were by your friend. You don't have to feel guilty, there's nothing to be guilty about. How were you supposed to know?

 

[clayp]

im so sorry about your friend. I know someone who's going to do it tonight, besides being suicidal myself and understand him, it still makes me sad that no one could help him. He's doing the barbecue thing inside a tent tonight and leaving 6 of his kids behind. His own ex wife doesn't even care, yes she is aware of it too and told him go ahead.