Venting Found out ex (2 yr relationship) has been in serious relationship for past 7 months

[Cherry Crumpet]

I thought I was over it. Or, had come to terms with it. I thought he left me because he couldn't handle being in a serious relationship. He wasn't able to be emotionally open to me.

Found out he started casually dating 3 months after he broke up with me. Yeah I know - that's normal probably. It was my first and only relationship. I'm 37. Went on Fbook (mistake) - saw his new girl post on his wall. He gave her surprise flowers at her work. How sweet. He never did anything like that for me. Made me pay $15 for something at a store while he got a few things that came out to like $80 - $100. Gave him a $70 bday present. He gave me a $25 stuffed toy and a canvas print that costs prob $10. I'm not about being treated traditionally or anything but now and then it would have been nice for him to .. at least spend equal amounts on what I would spend on him?

So apparently he was able to get over not being able to trust and open up to people. Cause now he's serious with this girl. He said it started out casual but then it 'clicked' and while with me and him it had 'unclicked'. I understand. That happens. Doesn't mean you don't start the good old thought patterns of thinking you're worthless and who the fuck would ever want to be around you or in the general vicinity of where you happen to exist.

The funniest thing. The final last couple months I was trying to work up the nerve to ask him what he even saw in me, because I didn't see anything in me. I guess I got my answer. Nothing. He tried to 'comfort' me later and said i was passionate about a few of my hobbies, oh, aand that I had great tits too. I don't think they're great. they sag. I look disgusting and i'm fat.

He said he always had feelings for me when he first popped back into my life on his own initiative, told me he was in the process of getting a divorce, aand perused me. I was stupid. So fucking stupid. I knew it was too early but he said it wasn't and he was over it. We have known each other for close to 20 years at this point.

Now I guess he just.. fell out of love with me.. or never loved me to begin with. And the whole time I had no idea. I was totally blind sided. *puts on clown makeup and wig*

I guess I have a personality that repels people. He certainly ran for the hills. Pretty funny. I thought we 'clicked' well and had chemistry. Guess I was competently wrong. Thank God I have my best friend and my Mom. Otherwise I'd truly be alone. Well, he said he still cared deeply for me as a friend, on the level of his closest friend. So maybe my personality isn't 100% obnoxious, anxiety ridden, high strung, depressive piece of shit. Maybe the obnoxious anxious depressive piece of shit part's only 90%.

So it went from he can't be in a serious emotionally open relationship to he just ... stopped having feelings for me. After two years. Abruptly. I guess I finally got on his nerves enough that he wanted me to GTFO of his life. More confirmation for my own belief that I'm worthless and a waste of oxygen. I'm here because I don't want to ever hurt my Mom.

I took 4mg xanax and drank half a glass of wine. I'm waiting for it to kick in. I have a crazy high tolerance. this shit will never kill me. lol. I don't think I gotta say that on a su*cide forum tho - ironic, one place i can be open about it.

Xanax gets me by on the worst days. It doesn't just make me not give a shit... it makes me a little happy. I'll take what I can get. Crumbs I guess.

So cheers. Tip your glass up, my friends. *chime* Here's to me. The sitcom of the universe. Tune in next week to see what whacky stupid bullshit I get up to as I play the game of being delusional enough to think one day I might actually have a life where i'm somewhat happy or feel somewhat worthwhile.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can imagine it must be painful. I wish you well.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Oh hun that sucks I've never been in a relationship but I can imagine how much that hurts. It's only natural for us to blame ourselves. I'd say try therapy and counselling but I guess you've already done that? Nevertheless, a good one will help you unravel the self-loathing/blaming thoughts.

A dude who makes his woman pay £15 when he's spending £100 anyway is no loss, because once this new girl isn't flavour of the month she'll get the same treatment. A guy who doesn't reciprocate... That's not about you it's about him. You want someone with whom that is an ingrained value.

Anyway don't be so hard on yourself, but I completely understand low self-esteem. Hang out with that best friend and spend your time laughing and having fun. Get your friend to tell you what they see in you and value and appreciate what they say, because I guarantee they'll be there longer than the average romantic interest and most importantly their love for you is pure and they want nothing from you Be easy on yourself.

 

[whywere]

Hi! You are a FANTASTIC person, and let no one ever tell you different period.

I can tell by your post that you are a heart warming and felt person with so much to give me and everyone here and the rest of the world. I wear my heart on my sleeve and so do you which is a hall mark of a GREAT soul. Through the decades I have had the worst of the worst human garbage throwing at me and I plow forward, the heck with them.

You are a kind, thoughtful and resourceful person that helps make our community so, so much better. I stand with you as you are a person who is part of the fabric of all of us here and the world. I

I care about YOU a lot and you are a VERY important part of me and the community here.

Please have a relaxing weekend filled with food, beverages, sunshine, clear skies and the knowledge that you are loved and cared for here 100%.

My heart felt best to you,

Walter

Oh hun that sucks I've never been in a relationship but I can imagine how much that hurts. It's only natural for us to blame ourselves. I'd say try therapy and counselling but I guess you've already done that? Nevertheless, a good one will help you unravel the self-loathing/blaming thoughts.

A dude who makes his woman pay £15 when he's spending £100 anyway is no loss, because once this new girl isn't flavour of the month she'll get the same treatment. A guy who doesn't reciprocate... That's not about you it's about him. You want someone whom that is an ingrained value.

Anyway don't be so hard on yourself, but I completely understand low self-esteem. Hang out with that best friend and spend your time laughing and having fun. Get your friend to tell you what they see in you and value and appreciate what they say, because I guarantee they'll be there longer than the average romantic interest and most importantly their love for you is pure and they want nothing from you Be easy on yourself.

Hi! YOU are also such a GREAT part of our community here and I LOVED your post so, so much.

It is folks like you that help out @Cherry Crumpet and everyone here and there in again your post made me feel uplifted and I hope it helped @Cherry Crumpet a lot also.

Have a great weekend,

Walter

 

[goldenvirginia]

Easier said than done. But try not to base your self worth on another persons actions. Some men are just assholes ( and some women tbh), and you were just unfortunate enough to have encountered one of them.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Oh gosh, all of you. Thank you so much. All of you are SO tender and SO loving. I want to respond to EACH of you personally, but I'm emotionally drained as hell after all that. I will though.

THIS is why I come baack to SS. Not just because of ideation - but because the community is SO supportive, and SO loving.