DunnoWhyButYeah
~*-*~
- Apr 3, 2020
- 374
So... I saw a nightmare related to childhood trauma.
I don't even know everything that happened to me when I was a kid. ... What remains, however, is intermittent anxiety, nightmares, a certain kind of behavior.
I try not to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I can't feel anything. At some point, though, everything always collapses, like yesterday ...
I saw an episode related to my trauma a few days ago from one series. Yesterday it became my nightmare, the worst part is that the nightmare had a new approach to it ... And now I wonder if it could be that way? Do I finally know who did it all?
I got a panic attack, I still get one now. When this thing comes to mind, I can't control myself, I can't control myself. I'm afraid every time what happens when I let my feelings go ... Are they too much? How can I handle this. And I can't even stand it ...
I am so angry, so sad, so anxious and panicked. Ruined. I will always be broken, I will never be normal.
I can never tell anyone what has happened. My former therapist made me talk about this once, since then I haven't been able to.
And how it feels when you are expected to love someone in your life while you know you haven't been treated right. And you can never tell anyone why this is the case, you have to pretend and bear the blame.
Now I'm just thinking that I want to leave, today, now... but I don't want do it because that! I want choose it myself, no because someone did something to me and I can't think of anything else now.
I don't even know everything that happened to me when I was a kid. ... What remains, however, is intermittent anxiety, nightmares, a certain kind of behavior.
I try not to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I can't feel anything. At some point, though, everything always collapses, like yesterday ...
I saw an episode related to my trauma a few days ago from one series. Yesterday it became my nightmare, the worst part is that the nightmare had a new approach to it ... And now I wonder if it could be that way? Do I finally know who did it all?
I got a panic attack, I still get one now. When this thing comes to mind, I can't control myself, I can't control myself. I'm afraid every time what happens when I let my feelings go ... Are they too much? How can I handle this. And I can't even stand it ...
I am so angry, so sad, so anxious and panicked. Ruined. I will always be broken, I will never be normal.
I can never tell anyone what has happened. My former therapist made me talk about this once, since then I haven't been able to.
And how it feels when you are expected to love someone in your life while you know you haven't been treated right. And you can never tell anyone why this is the case, you have to pretend and bear the blame.
Now I'm just thinking that I want to leave, today, now... but I don't want do it because that! I want choose it myself, no because someone did something to me and I can't think of anything else now.