Venting Forever

[peaches]

Extra bad day.
Every breath I take, reminding myself that I am still here, feels like an epic failure.
Nature was not kind to me and nurture was a disaster.
I was born "sensitive" and extremely perceptive.
My parents should not have a married each other, and they certainly should not have children. I was a drain of all resources, time, attention, money, practical needs.
There has been no phase, no decade of my life where I ever felt I was supposed to be here.
From an early age, I sought every type of self-help, therapy, psychiatry, medication, escapism and nothing relieved my horrific despair. I would spend another 10 years, not seeking any kind of emotional assistance, and it really didn't matter. Then, try again, then another 10 years.
I don't use alcohol, drugs, or any psychotropic medication's. None of it works for me.
And now, I'm old and I'm still here, and my body is failing in addition to my emotional despair. Aging is often quite physically uncomfortable, but it's unbearable with this level of suffering.
I need a safe, quiet, non-suffering method. It is so disheartening to read all the violent and painful ways that people have to choose because it's impossible to get help in this country.
This is the only place where I can tell the truth. I have spent my whole life hiding and acting.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you on this site. So sorry we have to meet like this.

 

[NambaSutra]

I hear you. Even as a child I wished my parents would get divorced. I've never had a normal social life and I've always been self-centered. I used to use work to try to prop up my terrible self esteem with praise from coworkers, but since the pandemic and awful economy I can't do that anymore. I don't even leave my house very often because there's nowhere to go but I don't like being at home either. I'm depressed all day long every day, I can barely sleep, and I basically look back at my life as meaningless and pointless, and I wish it would just end. I'm 48 years old, it's long enough.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I have been hypersensitive all my life. I also have a dominance of the sympathetic nervous system and have been anxious and afraid for as long as I can remember.

It's a harsh world out there, and some of us are not equipped to deal with it.

I wish I had a "safe, non-suffering method" to share with you, but sadly I don't even have one for myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me existing in this world certainly is such a horrible burden, I view it as being cruel how people continue to procreate and prolong this cycle of unnecessary suffering that never needed to exist. As humans we very much deserve the option to pass away in peace and it's awful how we are denied that and how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult in this world, humans shouldn't have to suffer against their wishes and suffer even more in the process of dying. But to me ageing certainly is something horrific to me, it's true that as humans we are only destined to decay and there is nothing else here for us. I wish you the best.