Venting Forcing myself to CTB

[dmdmdm]

I'm really considering just posting a picture of myself and everything about me so that'll finally have my 13th reason and nothing can hold me back. I'm scared however.

 

[girlsboysthems]

i get the frustration and wanting to fix it, but public humiliation is just not the way to do it (personally).

 

[roxx]

Well, I try to imagine the routine that would take. Waking up, checking the things, deleting everything from all devices (I'll not leave a message to anyone, so fuck off), then grab the gun, check the ammo etc......and the things over and over again till finally become true. While you're think about it, a normal "fear" or "resistence" due the fact that our brain is programmed to make us survive try to bargain with us. "try a little bit more", "maybe it's just a phase" and "and all inside your head, you can deal with it" bullshit. My last obstacle is quitting xanax and get cleaned for at least 3 months to make sure that's not a side effects from the drug, but I think it's just life that became suffering and pain and trying to blame a pill it seem like a scape goat

 

[LaVieEnRose]

There's no guarantee that will be enough to push you above so please abstain from doing something like that.

What's going on?

 

[dmdmdm]

There's no guarantee that will be enough to push you above so please abstain from doing something like that.

What's going on?

No purpose in life. No meaning to life. We're all just waiting for nothingness. We might as well accelerate that process.

 

[deafening]

My last obstacle is quitting xanax and get cleaned for at least 3 months to make sure that's not a side effects from the drug, but I think it's just life that became suffering and pain and trying to blame a pill it seem like a scape goat

I was heavily abusing Xanax in the past, to the point of consuming entire bottles at once. I can't say that quitting has solved my problems, but I was not myself when I was on those drugs. I did stupid things under the influence of benzos, that I would never have done sober. Worst of all, I hurt other people around me.

I think it's a good idea to lay off benzos, if there's any chance you could. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to feel yourself again.

 

[roxx]

I was heavily abusing Xanax in the past, to the point of consuming entire bottles at once. I can't say that quitting has solved my problems, but I was not myself when I was on those drugs. I did stupid things under the influence of benzos, that I would never have done sober. Worst of all, I hurt other people around me.

I think it's a good idea to lay off benzos, if there's any chance you could. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to feel yourself again.

@CantTurnBack last night was terrible, it's not even having the desired effect (usually sleep more and more) now I'm considering quit Xanax. It's good to know someone that used Xanax because I feel like under a heavy burden all the time, suicide is always on the table, so I really would love to know who am I....I barelly remember, I've started in 2019 and failed miserably all the times trying to quit.