Venting Forced to live

[mentalhealthfighter]

I cant order SN, can't get a gun, can't get N, can't get euthanized all because my mom wants me stay alive. I'm obliged to stay alive because of her.

I mean, she does in fact allow me to get euthanized because I have chronic depression but she really doesn't want me to go. And that's why I feel like I'm forced to stay alive. I dont want to hurt my mom, no matter what. In the same way that if I had a gun, I wouldn't shoot both her and me. Because if I die, she has nobody left. She doesn't work, has no friends, we have no contact with my father or his side of the family and other than that we only have my grandma which she doesn't have a good relationship with. If I'm gone, theres a big chance she can't take the grief and will CTB as well.

So I have ambivalent feelings towards my mom. I love her but at the same time I wish I had the freedom of not being attached to anyone.

Anyway, that was my rant for now. Thanks for reading

 

[Ednospatient]

Atleast you have the choice of getting euthanized, most of us don't

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Atleast you have the choice of getting euthanized, most of us don't

I'm not even sure if I can. I'm going to build up a profile and give it a try.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I also planned to live until my mom dies, but it's very difficult

 

[FuneralCry]

We do not have any obligations to stay alive, as we did not ask to be born. We have the right to take our lives at a time of our choosing. It is our decision and nobody else has a say in it. I'm sorry you are suffering and I understand, as I have family members that would be sad. I could never stay alive for others, personally and it would be selfish for them to expect me too.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup me to

 

[NormaJeane]

No one should be forced to live.

 

[apathetic.]

Stuck in a same situation. Wants to die but can't see the family member in pain. I wish that one person didn't give a darn about me. Feels like being forced to live everyday.

 

[Thingsneverchange]

Same. I just want to end it all but I know my family would be sad. Each time I attempt i just forget all about them mostly. I hate doing this to them but I can't stand staying alive either.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

That's why I'm holding out, I feel a duty to my parents. But when they're gone, I'm probably out.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

That's why I'm holding out, I feel a duty to my parents. But when they're gone, I'm probably out.

The problem is, it might take another 20-30 years.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

The problem is, it might take another 20-30 years.

Yup. :/

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yeah, I have the same problem whenever I think of dying. I am very lucky as my mother lives in other country, father has his own other family, brother has friends and grandparents other grandkids in my country.

 

[wannabesetfree]

I can understand being forced to live. Since I can't afford to ctb the way I want to, I have to keep going. It's hell but I really really don't want to do any "free" attempt because my entire life has been pain and I definitely don't want to go out with any more.

I just don't understand why society is so preoccupied with making it hard to people who want to die to keep going on. I have my pets but I know I'm not giving them the best quality of life so definitely before I go, I'm going to make sure that they're rehoused in loving homes instead of being placed in shelters.