Discussion Forced into criminality

[SinisterKid]

I arrived here because I had exhausted most other options. I have been searching for somewhere online where I can talk/discuss openly matters concerning suicide. I was a member of SF but I found not being able to even mention the term suicide to be very restrictive on a suicide forum. So I left. Since then, I have immersed myself in any means possible to distract my mind from the games it likes to play.

Last Oct we lost a member of of our small family to cancer and it was not pleasant to watch her slowly decay into a complete shadow of her former self. It hit me hard, that should have been me going to my death, not her. Recently we lost a very close friend. 57, viral infection, ICU, gone, all inside a week. Again, should have been me, not her. Living with that guilt has not been easy and its just another thing to add to the list of things that are draining the life out of me.

So we fast forward to now and here I am, determined to find a way to get the job done. I have just had enough. I have done a lot in my 55 yrs and I am ready to just let go. But because I am looking for a way out that will not only be successful, but as painless and pleasant as it can be [under such circumstances] I am now facing having to break the law in the process. Suicide is not illegal But buying certain items to assist in said suicide is is not legal. I dont see why that should be. I am not insane according to various head docs I have seen over the last 3-4 yrs. I am stable as far as depression is concerned according to those who know. I am rational, as in I am doing a lot of research into how I wish my final moments to be. I have just made a decision that is right for me. For once in my life, I am thinking about myself and not putting the fears and concerns of others before my own.

Trying to buy SN or N, is difficult at best in the UK. Regulations, red tape etc are proving hurdles that are hard to get around. So now I am researching the deep web which sadly the dark web is also a part of. The clear web, what we see daily, makes up a estimated 5% of all web content out there. The rest is unseen unless you know where to look. Antiemetics are just as hard to get without prescriptions so again, I feel forced to look into illegal ways of getting them. Its is wrong, completely and utterly wrong, in every sense of the word that I am in this position, or any of us are.

I dont function well anymore. I offer very little to society. I am on benefits, disabled, have mental health issues and dont want to be alive on this earth for any longer than I have to be. Why should I have to fight tooth and nail, break the law and be secretive about it all? To me, morally, that is wrong. I am no angst filled man who has lost the love of his life. I am not so ill that its terminal. I am not so emotionally disturbed that I cannot make rational choices that are my own. So why do I have to venture down this road?

Maybe I will drop the SN method and just go for a shit load of pills again and a rope and just pray I am somewhere where I will not be found for long enough to be clinically dead. I am not religious, so having to resort to a prayer over such matters does not sit well with me, but I am running out of options and I am tired, just tired of all the BS. I just want to go, on my own terms, peacefully and quietly, no fuss or fanfares. Is that too much to ask?

 

[BipolarExpat]

I just want to go, on my own terms, peacefully and quietly, no fuss or fanfares. Is that too much to ask?

It's certainly not too much to ask for me (or a majority of the posters here) but as you know, modern society's view is quite different.

I'm not optimistic and expect only more barriers being put in place as time goes by.

While the (provable) physically ailing might get some more options with euthanasia, the mentally ill will continue to be hung out to dry, I'm afraid.

 

[Dartz]

I arrived here because I had exhausted most other options. I have been searching for somewhere online where I can talk/discuss openly matters concerning suicide. I was a member of SF but I found not being able to even mention the term suicide to be very restrictive on a suicide forum. So I left. Since then, I have immersed myself in any means possible to distract my mind from the games it likes to play.

Last Oct we lost a member of of our small family to cancer and it was not pleasant to watch her slowly decay into a complete shadow of her former self. It hit me hard, that should have been me going to my death, not her. Recently we lost a very close friend. 57, viral infection, ICU, gone, all inside a week. Again, should have been me, not her. Living with that guilt has not been easy and its just another thing to add to the list of things that are draining the life out of me.

So we fast forward to now and here I am, determined to find a way to get the job done. I have just had enough. I have done a lot in my 55 yrs and I am ready to just let go. But because I am looking for a way out that will not only be successful, but as painless and pleasant as it can be [under such circumstances] I am now facing having to break the law in the process. Suicide is not illegal But buying certain items to assist in said suicide is is not legal. I dont see why that should be. I am not insane according to various head docs I have seen over the last 3-4 yrs. I am stable as far as depression is concerned according to those who know. I am rational, as in I am doing a lot of research into how I wish my final moments to be. I have just made a decision that is right for me. For once in my life, I am thinking about myself and not putting the fears and concerns of others before my own.

Trying to buy SN or N, is difficult at best in the UK. Regulations, red tape etc are proving hurdles that are hard to get around. So now I am researching the deep web which sadly the dark web is also a part of. The clear web, what we see daily, makes up a estimated 5% of all web content out there. The rest is unseen unless you know where to look. Antiemetics are just as hard to get without prescriptions so again, I feel forced to look into illegal ways of getting them. Its is wrong, completely and utterly wrong, in every sense of the word that I am in this position, or any of us are.

I dont function well anymore. I offer very little to society. I am on benefits, disabled, have mental health issues and dont want to be alive on this earth for any longer than I have to be. Why should I have to fight tooth and nail, break the law and be secretive about it all? To me, morally, that is wrong. I am no angst filled man who has lost the love of his life. I am not so ill that its terminal. I am not so emotionally disturbed that I cannot make rational choices that are my own. So why do I have to venture down this road?

Maybe I will drop the SN method and just go for a shit load of pills again and a rope and just pray I am somewhere where I will not be found for long enough to be clinically dead. I am not religious, so having to resort to a prayer over such matters does not sit well with me, but I am running out of options and I am tired, just tired of all the BS. I just want to go, on my own terms, peacefully and quietly, no fuss or fanfares. Is that too much to ask?

You can easily get SN/antiemetics on ebay UK. Mine just arrived today, no need to scour the dark web if SN is your method.

 

[SinisterKid]

The SN I have seen on E Bay thus far is not food grade in most instances and those that are, ask for photo ID and company details. Please feel free to PM me with a link to your seller on e bay and I will certainly use them. There were no antiemitics from a UK source that I could find. Again, feel free to link a seller in a private message and I will use them, gladly.

 

[Soul]

My understanding is that lab grade SN is at least as good as food grade, if that makes a difference.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I understand where you are coming from. I have recently broken the law so that I could go peacefully and now the consequences are horrendous!

I hope you find what you are looking for

 

[been_there]

You're looking for compassion in law that won't exist until it is used as a reason to save money. Governments are happy to drive people to suicide with their policies, there's even an argument they're already tacitly encouraging it. However they also need to pretend they legislate-for-the-good-of-the-people. In a decade or so, once corporations own countries and populations wholesale, and are sucking up all the cash, and AI has removed many jobs, and populations continue to grow, governments will change laws.

The first ones to go will be the 'moral' laws, as they were never actually moral anyway, just PR. So drugs will all be legalised, so they can be taxed. Suicide will be legalised, to save on welfare and so on. Population control will be the usual war and enforced famine plus limited children.

Then suicide will be legal, maybe optional, like a redundancy package. And the states will claim it is for the 'greater good.'