Venting Forced arranged marriage

[bobby9089]

Sorry for venting, would appreciate all kinds of replies.

Hello all,

My family background is from east part of globe where you are suppose to be married before 25-26. I completely reject the idea of these kind of wedding locks because i want to meet some and then get to know them to see if we are compatible. I am 33 now, pandemic ruined the dating chances for so many..Anyways so far i have had met many ppl in my life but havent found the one yet. I am average looking dude, goes to gym have a good job, nice car and place, i am introvert and find it hard to talk to ppl, get exhausted by how the dating works, plus ppl arent real and hard to gauge the intentions. i am tired of all this.. My family is so mad at me, call me every morning and emotionally blackmail me into accepting whoever they like and they dont care if i say yes or no, they just said that relatives and society is asking them why your kid isnt married yet, they feel insulted due to this and go crazy at me.. This has been going for last 2-3 years but this year it has reallt gone pretty bad we have fights arguments every day, i do not like talking to them at all and to anybody anymore. i am happy when they do not call or disturb me.

Almost every day they ruin my whole day, i find it so hard to focus on work and let alone be able to find anyone to date.. why would anyone like to date someone like myself who is always looking sad due to emotional trauma i go through everyday. I have been strongly considering ctb, its just about finding the right method thats painless. Everyday i say to myself, that i should end it all for good. the only thing stopping me is the same family that is making me go through this, i have started to feel it is not a family if they cared they would not let me go through this. I am always so sad and never jn my life thought i will cry when i grow up but this shit makes me. i just do not understand this meaningless suffering anymore.. whats the point?? shouldni care or not. i wish i was never born..

i have nobody to talk to or anyone who understands, finally grew a pair and decided to post here..

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm so sorry your family are putting you through this. Plenty of people take longer to find long term relationships, and I imagine it's even harder for you because of the intense stress and pressure your family is putting you under. You deserve to have someone that loves you for you, not someone pre-selected to boost societal status.

 

[SVEN]

Aww shit man, that is so insane ! That you are having to seriously consider ctb because of a situation like this. I'm totally pro choice, however if this situation could just be resolved perhaps your own choices and life situation would seem so very different.

 

[randal_bond]

Sorry for venting, would appreciate all kinds of replies.

Hello all,

My family background is from east part of globe where you are suppose to be married before 25-26. I completely reject the idea of these kind of wedding locks because i want to meet some and then get to know them to see if we are compatible. I am 33 now, pandemic ruined the dating chances for so many..Anyways so far i have had met many ppl in my life but havent found the one yet. I am average looking dude, goes to gym have a good job, nice car and place, i am introvert and find it hard to talk to ppl, get exhausted by how the dating works, plus ppl arent real and hard to gauge the intentions. i am tired of all this.. My family is so mad at me, call me every morning and emotionally blackmail me into accepting whoever they like and they dont care if i say yes or no, they just said that relatives and society is asking them why your kid isnt married yet, they feel insulted due to this and go crazy at me.. This has been going for last 2-3 years but this year it has reallt gone pretty bad we have fights arguments every day, i do not like talking to them at all and to anybody anymore. i am happy when they do not call or disturb me.

Almost every day they ruin my whole day, i find it so hard to focus on work and let alone be able to find anyone to date.. why would anyone like to date someone like myself who is always looking sad due to emotional trauma i go through everyday. I have been strongly considering ctb, its just about finding the right method thats painless. Everyday i say to myself, that i should end it all for good. the only thing stopping me is the same family that is making me go through this, i have started to feel it is not a family if they cared they would not let me go through this. I am always so sad and never jn my life thought i will cry when i grow up but this shit makes me. i just do not understand this meaningless suffering anymore.. whats the point?? shouldni care or not. i wish i was never born..

i have nobody to talk to or anyone who understands, finally grew a pair and decided to post here..

Hi and so sorry you are bullied and harassed by your own family. I was bullied for different reasons and solved it by relocating to a different country and cutting all contact. Do you think you could do that? Or just move for a new job into another city and not give them your contact details. It seems once you put some distance between you and your bullies, even if they find you, they will slow down on harassment simply because it'll be harder for them.
Of course, you could just cut them off and change the phone number. It's a dramatic move but not as dramatic as CTB, for sure. Going no contact does wonders. And it's reversible, unlike CTB. It doesn't have to be forever, unless you chose so.

Good luck with whatever you decide. My bullies even contacted Home Office of my country, trying them to put pressure on me to reconnect. They were told that as adult, I have freedom of choice, and they must respect it, LOL. They found my phone nr, and I easily changed it. Finally, they were only left with e-mail, which I still use but redirected their address into spam and delete it without reading.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful being around people like that, I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this existence but anyway best wishes.

 

[bobby9089]

Aww shit man, that is so insane ! That you are having to seriously consider ctb because of a situation like this. I'm totally pro choice, however if this situation could just be resolved perhaps your own choices and life situation would seem so very different.

yeah and the reason i am having hard time deciding is because ppl say how your family would feel or will have to live their lives with questions like "what could have they done different to prevent me from taking such a big step". and one another thing myself not doing what they say what if something happens like someone dies because of my stress i would have to live that my whole life and everybody will gladly blame me for the tragedy !!… these qs have thrown me into a big dilemma which has been stopping me from deciding, that even after death i will continue to suffer if theres afterlife… i am feeling so so confused that i am scared that all this is going to start having a toll on my health soon and make my suffering even worse… :(

i live far from them in another country and still i feel i am trapped, thats how bad their emotional and manipulative tactics are. cutting contact will put me into more stress that if they die or something due to me blocking them completely.

btw i really appreciate ppl reading this and taking time to reply.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello bobby9089
I think you are not approaching the situation well.
Man, I can't believe this, you are now a self-sufficient, fulfilled and grown adult. Are you going to let them treat you like you're a child? Of course not, you should put them in their place.
Don't be afraid. Good luck.

 

[SVEN]

Well, none of us know what happens after death … though I appreciate many have their own faiths. I can't imagine however that you would feel responsible for any grief your parting led to, not when it was your families' own behaviour which led to your action.
Similarly, should any of them take any dramatic action because their behaviour has forced you to break contact, that is their own choice and decision. You cannot live your life (or leave it) under the threat of their emotional blackmail.

 

[randal_bond]

yeah and the reason i am having hard time deciding is because ppl say how your family would feel or will have to live their lives with questions like "what could have they done different to prevent me from taking such a big step". and one another thing myself not doing what they say what if something happens like someone dies because of my stress i would have to live that my whole life and everybody will gladly blame me for the tragedy !!… these qs have thrown me into a big dilemma which has been stopping me from deciding, that even after death i will continue to suffer if theres afterlife… i am feeling so so confused that i am scared that all this is going to start having a toll on my health soon and make my suffering even worse… :(

i live far from them in another country and still i feel i am trapped, thats how bad their emotional and manipulative tactics are. cutting contact will put me into more stress that if they die or something due to me blocking them completely.

btw i really appreciate ppl reading this and taking time to reply.

Wow, it sounds like a serious enmeshment. Sounds like your family doesn't allow you to grow up. You're still that fearful child, asking for approval, afraid of being reproached, wanting to please at the price of your own happiness. It's just not a normal life of an adult. Not judging you at all. Not your fault.

Is there a chance of getting a private therapist where you are to discuss all this and finally see things clearly? An outside perspective from an experienced and sympathetic person can help a lot. Maybe, a much older person who you see as your mentor or trusted friend and have a lot of respect for? You shouldn't be alone and decide alone in this situation.

Wishing you well.

 

[bobby9089]

Wow, it sounds like a serious enmeshment. Sounds like your family doesn't allow you to grow up. You're still that fearful child, asking for approval, afraid of being reproached, wanting to please at the price of your own happiness. It's just not a normal life of an adult. Not judging you at all. Not your fault.

Is there a chance of getting a private therapist where you are to discuss all this and finally see things clearly? An outside perspective from an experienced and sympathetic person can help a lot. Maybe, a much older person who you see as your mentor or trusted friend and have a lot of respect for? You shouldn't be alone and decide alone in this situation.

Wishing you well.

Yes it is complete mess up and it has left me in a state of not being able to take decision and not being able to enjoy anything or focus on anything in my life at all, nothing makes me happy or fulfilled anymore. I hate my life that my family is connecting their happiness with my life's decisions. I hate this culture of ours, wish i was born in more independent one. People in the west do not understand the freedom they have still to decide what they want to do with their lives and not have to worry about what family or society things.

Now slowly as the reality is setting down on me i have stopped seeing a light at the end of tunnel as i am left with nobody to talk because everybody's got their own life and do not care to discuss or listen to people like me. And yes going to a therapist is i what i have been thinking for a long time as well but the courage is missing, i am slowly gathering it and will try to find one in my area, because i feel theres no place i can get a help from, if its still possible in this world.

 

[Meditation guide]

Sorry for venting, would appreciate all kinds of replies.

Hello all,

My family background is from east part of globe where you are suppose to be married before 25-26. I completely reject the idea of these kind of wedding locks because i want to meet some and then get to know them to see if we are compatible. I am 33 now, pandemic ruined the dating chances for so many..Anyways so far i have had met many ppl in my life but havent found the one yet. I am average looking dude, goes to gym have a good job, nice car and place, i am introvert and find it hard to talk to ppl, get exhausted by how the dating works, plus ppl arent real and hard to gauge the intentions. i am tired of all this.. My family is so mad at me, call me every morning and emotionally blackmail me into accepting whoever they like and they dont care if i say yes or no, they just said that relatives and society is asking them why your kid isnt married yet, they feel insulted due to this and go crazy at me.. This has been going for last 2-3 years but this year it has reallt gone pretty bad we have fights arguments every day, i do not like talking to them at all and to anybody anymore. i am happy when they do not call or disturb me.

Almost every day they ruin my whole day, i find it so hard to focus on work and let alone be able to find anyone to date.. why would anyone like to date someone like myself who is always looking sad due to emotional trauma i go through everyday. I have been strongly considering ctb, its just about finding the right method thats painless. Everyday i say to myself, that i should end it all for good. the only thing stopping me is the same family that is making me go through this, i have started to feel it is not a family if they cared they would not let me go through this. I am always so sad and never jn my life thought i will cry when i grow up but this shit makes me. i just do not understand this meaningless suffering anymore.. whats the point?? shouldni care or not. i wish i was never born..

i have nobody to talk to or anyone who understands, finally grew a pair and decided to post here..

How cruel it is to live in such a strict culture where you are forced into marriage and harassed about not being married. I can guess which country you are in. Is there a way to stop talking to them or at least cut it down to once a month? You need to protect yourself from them and cutting them off and not talking to them would be a great start.

 

[bobby9089]

How cruel it is to live in such a strict culture where you are forced into marriage and harassed about not being married. I can guess which country you are in. Is there a way to stop talking to them or at least cut it down to once a month? You need to protect yourself from them and cutting them off and not talking to them would be a great start.

i tried but i get shouted on, given threats that they will do somethjng and i will be the guilty one responsible for anything they do to themselves, i cant figure out how to get out of emotional blackmail, my siblings are also powerless, they get shouted on as well if they tried siding with me, and now they are pushing me too with same emotional blackmail just so that everybody can get over it without even caring how i feel and wht i want, they also are saying how i am being a bad son and if anything happens
to them it will be because of me..

I really wish life was easy and hoping my end comes soon.. i am so tired of it