For those who've tried hard to make a life for themselves: How do you accept that you failed and now have to ctb?

[Ambivalent1]

It's beyond infuriating. It's bad enough I had to exist, but since I exist, I wanted to at least enjoy the experience.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's a pretty good question I can relate to. A failure alone isn't reason enough to CTB but when it becomes clear that there is no satisfying recovery possible anymore then CTB is certainly an option for me. CTB was always and will always be a legal option under certain circumstances, and failure with no recovery possible is one of the circumstances for me.

As this was always clear to me there's nothing I'd have to "accept" here. However other things make me hesitate unfortunately.

 

[Hollowman]

I've recently accepted it, I guess brain fog and being almost completely emotionally numb helps.

 

[pochacco12]

i think after trying so hard so many times, i just don't have the energy or strength anymore to keep trying. after constantly failing my whole life i'm just accepting my fate that my only way of peace is ctb.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

The more I learn about the world and how things work, the more I see the inevitability of perpetual unhappiness. The way the world sets the majority of people up to fail so that a select (rich) few get to "enjoy" life is a certainty that I can no longer ignore. I've tried so many things; different jobs, different cities, different treatments but they all lead back to the same unhappiness and it's getting increasingly more difficult to to just grin and bear it.

 

[leftdreaming]

Acceptance isn't easy, I'm not sure I've fully accepted my fate, but the knowledge that I've been this way my whole life and progressively gotten worse reminds me that it's either grab the bus the bus at the next stop or continually wait for a later bus. I mean, the knowledge that you could die anyways in a much worse way helps me to rationalize it too.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose you've got to ask yourself if it was worth it. Did all the effort you put in previously pay off? Are you willing to put in that same effort again- or- is even more required? Do you have the will and energy for that?

I guess it also relies on your overall feelings about life and things like potential.

For me- life has always seemed pretty cheap. So many people died in my family when I was young- so- it became painfully obvious that death can come along at any moment and just obliterate everything. Rather than make me feel life was precious- I just ended up seeing it as transient.

I suppose what I have achieved in life has also been via means of a coping mechanism- so- it doesn't seem as great of an 'achievement'. Plus- I'm not brilliant. I'll be forgotten in a blink of an eye- which is fine. I kind of worked hard because it was ingrained in me to do so also- but I want to let all that go now.

I guess you need to ask yourself exactly what it is you're hanging on to.

 

[Ambivalent1]

The more I learn about the world and how things work, the more I see the inevitability of perpetual unhappiness. The way the world sets the majority of people up to fail so that a select (rich) few get to "enjoy" life is a certainty that I can no longer ignore. I've tried so many things; different jobs, different cities, different treatments but they all lead back to the same unhappiness and it's getting increasingly more difficult to to just grin and bear it.

I've moved around a lot too and I'm always there to make myself miserable.

Acceptance isn't easy, I'm not sure I've fully accepted my fate, but the knowledge that I've been this way my whole life and progressively gotten worse reminds me that it's either grab the bus the bus at the next stop or continually wait for a later bus. I mean, the knowledge that you could die anyways in a much worse way helps me to rationalize it too.

Much worse way?

I suppose you've got to ask yourself if it was worth it. Did all the effort you put in previously pay off? Are you willing to put in that same effort again- or- is even more required? Do you have the will and energy for that?

I guess it also relies on your overall feelings about life and things like potential.

For me- life has always seemed pretty cheap. So many people died in my family when I was young- so- it became painfully obvious that death can come along at any moment and just obliterate everything. Rather than make me feel life was precious- I just ended up seeing it as transient.

I suppose what I have achieved in life has also been via means of a coping mechanism- so- it doesn't seem as great of an 'achievement'. Plus- I'm not brilliant. I'll be forgotten in a blink of an eye- which is fine. I kind of worked hard because it was ingrained in me to do so also- but I want to let all that go now.

I guess you need to ask yourself exactly what it is you're hanging on to.

Was it worth it? So far, I'd say no. But that's the thing. I've convinced myself that I can't accurately judge my life until I'm middle age. If one isn't in a stable, decent paying job and living where they'd like, then I would consider that the end of the road. Everything after middle age looks unappealing to me even with success.