Discussion For those who have already everything they need to CTB, do you get inner peace? or more anxiety?

[bodrioirredento]

As the question reads, when you get all the necessary things to CTB. getting along with reality gets better? Or the anxiety that you have everything at your disposal makes everything worse.

I'm asking this because I am in a journey to get everything that i need, but I still have things to do, pay bills, credit cards sell my stuff etc.

If nothing extraordinary happens im going to be here at least for a month. it is to soon to have SN, I really don't want to have it so long to avoid an impulsive movement and end it all.

 

[Wakawaka]

nothing brings me peace, living, dieing its all the same to me

 

[motel rooms]

I feel the same

 

[Symbiote]

Full spectrum of emotions. Inner peace on some days, anxiety on other days, lack of energy in between.

 

[WaterHemlock]

Having researched and come to a descion of how to do it I have relaxed. I keep a noose in my purse just in case I might need to step out and kill myself, it's a ridiculous security blanket but it works for me.
I had ample morphine to get the job done and I got rid of it. It was like a loaded gun in my pocket and it wasn't the right time. I was afraid I might not be able to resist, it was always there, just a few easy swallows away. And with morphine, there's always the chance of someone coming along to reverse it, and then where would I be? I'm not going to ctb unless I've controlled every factor I can, reduced chances of failure, and people I care about being traumatized by my body.
But I feel ready now, with a means at hand when the right time comes

 

[logan]

It definitely brings some kind of relief.
To have a possible way out.
It can even lead to feeling joy again.

But when the time comes, the SI strikes and it is difficult and painful in any case.
It is about the most precious and elementary thing - our life.

 

[FailureGirl]

Yes now that i have what I need and a date set I mostly feel peace but I still get occasional bad anxiety too.

 

[picklemick]

I felt so much less stressed when I had my SN. Was nice just knowing I could go at anytime. I'm stressed the fuck out right now not having a method.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

To have a method ready is certainly a relief. But what makes me stressed is other stuff that makes me hesitate unfortunately.

 

[IndyAna]

I have everything except for the SN I ordered a few days ago. I find peace because I've had many unsuccessful attempts in the past and I truly feel like this time I'm gonna pull it off.

 

[The anhedonic one]

When I have enough money I'm going to travel to Mexico for N.
I'm quite sure I'll be a happy bunny.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I have enough opioids to ctb and I'm very happy that I have. It's definitely a relief to know I can go whenever I like. I had made a date in July but doubt it will happen as I'm a coward

 

[Fktw0rld]

Both

 

[OceanBlue]

nothing brings me peace, living, dieing its all the same to me [Jun 28, 2021]

This. I hate living and dying all the same, it makes me anxious as hell.
The waiting period is very strange, really stressful and bothersome - I'd only feel peace knowing this whole world is ending, not just me.

 

[Sapphire]

It's both. There is a feeling of relief that I can leave anytime that I want to. At the same time, I feel anxious and stressed out.