For those who are in desperate over being constantly single

[Final-push123]

GRIEVE! it's ok to feel sad because you are single. It's natural to want that type of love.


People will tell you all sort of shit like you are not entitled to love or that you or you don't deserve love because you simply want love. Ingnore them, people who tell you that while you are hurt are not for you.


In private/safe place really Sit with the feeling, acknowledge it fully and go through the grieving process. The permanent lack of love is a lost like any other(such as losing a loving pet or god forbid a love one).


You wouldn't tell your close friend or family member in the mist of their grieve to stfu and "that life don't owe you shit including a living love one you entitled fuck"? Right?

So don't do it to yourself, discard everyone and mourn your singlehood. You may find that you may feel better after awhile.


To use myself as a example(skip this if don't wanna hear my loveless backstory), I was a guy that always wanted a loving gf. A gf that I get along with, share my life with and Yes even physical intimacy. As most men(yes, I know women face this sort of thing too but I speaking mostly from a guy's perspective)I been told that I was everything but a child God for wanting this type of relationship.

I listened to the many different types of people, mainstream, far right, far left, etc. No matter what I did, nothing would work I will still be alone.

I thought "maybe I too werid" or "I am not chad enough" and even though I am fairly successful with a career, friends* and hobbies. I still wasn't able to have the relationship that I wanted. After nearly 9 years of trying and failing,. I finally broke down and just accepted the fact that I am simply undesirable to women no matter what I do or don't do. This will not change.

As you can imagine, it was very depressing. I felt like I was sub human, felt pain everytime I hear friends talking about their gf/wives. I was so angry which just was a cover for my sadness. "Why can't I have what they have? I am sociable, hard working, what the hell I am doing wrong"?

After running out of copes, running out of strength to bottle of the feeling of inadequacy and despair. I was just left alone in my loneliness. I couldn't lie to myself anymore, i couldn't distracted myself anymore. I had to face it. "I want a loving gf! ,friends are cool, hobbies are great but I want Romantic love and simply can't have it and it hurt"

Once I admitted that to myself, that's when the healing begins. And through that depression and accept I came out the other end more emotionally sounds then ever. Now I no longer feel envy or sad that others are mor.loved them me. Hell I even feel happy for them. What even better is now I no longer feel attraction or crushes on Women because I already full accepted my singlehood.

I am finally at peace despite my singleness, i have give.the lost of love and.have accepted my new normal.

I hope you too can, can come to terms forever alone, god speed men and women


Ps. I want to ctb due to the collapsing biosphere lol

 

[Rainy_days]

You have more equanimity than I do. At least age blunts the desires but regret and longing are still hard to deal with when they arise.

 

[humaneyes__]

OP brings up a good point.

This conversation - particularly in online forums - typically descends into reductivist mischaracterizations and trivialization of the subject matter and/or speakers. The word "entitled" is so often applied when an individual expresses loneliness and a desire for companionship.

Let me be abundantly clear on two points.

First, loneliness and lack of companionship do not justify malevolent, violent or misanthropic behavior.

Second, I understand that some percentage of the population is naturally aromantic, asexual or otherwise indifferent to companionship. However, across the entire population of humans (a historically social species) companionship and romance tend *on average* to comprise a pretty significant component of happiness and fulfillment for the typical person.

Therefore, it is extraordinarily reductive to tell someone that they are "entitled" because they want something that is so primitively and biologically fundamental to the human experience.

Furthermore, many people possess a compulsive need to maintain a worldview wherein everybody gets exactly and proportionately what they work for, and that those who lose do so because they did not try hard enough. Again, while this may accurately describe certain individuals and cases, it is an unreasonable assertion to apply broadly to a population at large, where external variables like circumstance play a significant role in life's outcomes. From my personal experience, I believe that some people are simply not desirable to other people.

This topic is very personal to me, as I strongly believe that chronic social and/or romantic isolation - given both its impact on a sufferer's quality of life and its intractability as a condition that, in the absence of certain fixed and/or genetic characteristics, cannot be cured by simply "trying harder" - should be accepted as valid grounds for a safe, dignified and autonomous ctb for those who so desire.

 

[foreverfalling]

The longing for will still be there. I spent the last few years not thinking about it so much, but every now and again it comes back and hits me. It is the affliction of being a human. Why do I so desire a fantasy romance that does not exist? I don't feel such sadness and despair over not having super powers like Superman, or not winning the lottery. But not having the perfect loving companion? It's in my mind everyday.

 

[Final-push123]

@humaneyes__

Thank you, someone else gets it

Love is important to most people, and the lack of love is very painful for most people

Telling people they don't deserve love simply for wanting it's a dick move

Seeing how society don't want help single people, I decided I needed to find a solution to this pain

And this post is what I came up with. If you can think if any other way to make peace being forever alone. Feel free to post it here or dm me. Either one you wanna do

This something I am passionate about too

@foreverfalling
@Rainy_days

The Longing and regret is something you mourn as well. It perfectly valid feeling when you are undesirable to others, that you was unfortunately unable to find love.

That fact that you two acknowledged thoses feels, means that you are closer to healing then you think. In privacy, cry if you need to, feel bad, let it out, etc. Face those feelings with Patience, compassion and empathy.

It's a rough road, but you can do it

 

[Versailles]

Maybe I'm a dreamer who longs for a nice and calm relationship where everything flows wonderfully, maybe clinging to that fantasy will do more harm than good. good post friend

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm not desperate… I'm just resigned… I gave everything to my last relationship, and it blew up… No energy for that again…. Could hardly attract anyone this way anyway.

 

[GasMonkey]

gigacope

 

[Final-push123]

@Fadeawaaaay
How ever you make peace with it is fine. The key is to make peace with it

@GasMonkey
Life is a cope
everyone is coping in one way or another
Hopefully you can find yours

 

[GasMonkey]

I'm no longer in the cope phase.
Hope -> Cope -> Rope