For those (mostly) determined: What triggers your doubts?

[MaisieWilliamsLover]

My daughter. My sweet 3 year old daughter.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

I would have already done it if my mom wasn't still around. I'm her only child and the guilt feels horrible.

 

[MaisieWilliamsLover]

I would have already done it if my mom wasn't still around. I'm her only child and the guilt feels horrible.

Then you can imagine mine being a parent I am to supposed to be around and be strong for my child but I cannot

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

Then you can imagine mine being a parent I am to supposed to be around and be strong for my child but I cannot

Yes, I can only imagine because I'm not in your shoes. It's sad no matter how you look at it, but I don't judge.

 

[profoundexperience]

What will happen when I'm gone. New games, new technology, etc.. although these don't trigger me as much as they used to, the fact that I want to see progression makes me wonder if I really want to die. ... Wondering what's next...

As a hardcore gamer, things like missing out on the upcoming futuristic game that has a massive amount of hype makes me feel bad. "Well, I can just hold off for a few more months.. right?" Then another game is announced, and the cycle continues.

For me is to travel a little bit more... I haven't been to places I would love to see before I die like New Zealand and Australia. Also I'm very curious about new technology, politic situation of the world and sometimes this kind of curiosity makes me be there to witness this kind of stuff.

Yeah, y'all described FOMO (fear of missing out) perfectly...

There's a stupid show about super-greedy people that's in it's final season right now... It's sometimes even painful to watch because of how vain and immoral the characters are... In one story arc, they poisoned people and in another arc they came inches from poising a whole industrial chicken farm -- in order to manipulate stock prices and make tons of $$$! There was this exquisite scene where they "dined" on the tiny, rare ortolan songbird (a practice that was outlawed in France in 1999, because it was so cruel to the birds).

BUT MY DUMB BRAIN WANTS TO SEE HOW THE FORKING THING ENDS. And of course, the show was supposed to end in a few weeks... but due to Covid, they won't be finishing until late this year. Arrrrrggggg! Am I really going to even consider delaying MY SUICIDE so I can see how an hateful, fictional story ends.....?!? I don't really think so... but fork... my dumb brain wants to know....

This unquenchable thirst for novelty really sucks! It's not a "feature" it's a bug... and seen in the right way just another way I'm being manipulated... it's really another reason all this just isn't worth it.

From Wikipedia: Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a social anxiety stemmed from the belief that others might be having fun while the person experiencing the anxiety is not present. It is characterized by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. FOMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to concerns that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience or a profitable investment. It is the fear that deciding not to participate is the wrong choice.

 

[MaisieWilliamsLover]

No mine do not take me seriously. They will when they see my dead corpse

 

[Pryras]

Not exactly a "my life is worth living moment" but sometimes I'm triggered by spite to stay, that I shouldn't give power to someone else.

 

[TAW122]

I think if there are times where I would rethink about living longer it is only a temporary extension, because at the end result (which even after those who lived a very long, fulfilled life, death awaits them as all living things die at some point in the future; that is a indisputable fact) I'd still choose death. The only difference for me is whether I extend my life enough to have some more experiences or check out sooner to save myself a lot of (potential) suffering down the road. In hindsight, I should have ended it end of 2019 despite things being well in 2019 because had I known how things would be today and likely down the road into future, I would not wish to be around to experience it. Another cause for doubt is the possibility of having my plans foiled either by people IRL discovering my true intentions and/or things not going to plan (unexpected events outside of my control), such as this pandemic delaying and changing up my plans, forcing me to delay and postpone CTB until I find a suitable time and space for it.

So simply put, it's not the fact that I don't want to die (I very much do), it's just that whenever there are things outside of my control, it changes my original plan up and I have to adjust, which could affect success rate.

 

[x51391225x]

My kids. My students. My partner though that's very complicated.

My immediate family (parents and siblings) would be surprised but also not surprised at all. My FB/IG friends would be surprised bc it's one of those "someone who has it all" misconceptions. My "friends" would be surprised I actually did it bc I have discussed my ideations with them but they don't take me seriously. Actually, that part makes me want to do it more.

 

[heraclitus]

For me is to travel a little bit more... I haven't been to places I would love to see before I die like New Zealand and Australia. Also I'm very curious about new technology, politic situation of the world and sometimes this kind of curiosity makes me be there to witness this kind of stuff.

My dreams of travel have turned to bitter regrets - being able to travel would make me want to live.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Some days life feels good. Sometimes I love my family and get along. Sometimes I talk to my friends and feel good

Until I disagree with them

Till we argue

Till I get abused

And then I crash because I give. I am reminded that pain will continue no matter what and I cannot take it anymore

 

[Intheo]

The money I owe my parents and my partner. She deserves better.

 

[Still fighting]

Perhaps, but if one's obsessed with getting thin to the point of frailty and getting there by unhealthy means like starving oneself, there's definitely something wrong with that.

True but that's never been me. I've never been close to starving myself. Just a beached whale my whole life.

Seeing animals and nature really makes me happy and for a split second I am just happy when I see them. Animals have always been a constant in my life, creatures that gave me true and unconditional love and I think I could maybe be happy dedicating my life to rescuing animals. And I was also planning on actually doing that but my plans were interrupted.

Animals rock

 

[meerpasta]

I don't have friends or family that I will really be leaving behind, none that I care about nor that cares about me either way. Maybe that's lucky in a way as it seems to prevent and pain a lot of you. However a lifetime of things going wrong and constant negative experiences have left me expecting things to keep going wrong, and the thought of getting permanent brain damage or paralysing myself from a failed CTB keeps torturing me with anxiety and putting me off the methods I currently have access to no matter how unlikely or small the risk is.

 

[Saed]

The thought of lining up the antacids,meto,propranalol,painkillers and SN.
Necking them all,then yarking the whole lot back up again.
Shouldn't happen with my stomach condition,but the body can pull some inopportune surprises.

 

[existenceispain88]

I don't want to make my mom sad, also stupid SI.

But I'm pretty sure that sooner or later I'll CTB without thinking twice...

 

[rhiino]

The pain I will inflict on my relatives that I love so much.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I would have already done it if my mom wasn't still around. I'm her only child and the guilt feels horrible.

Me too. Not only child but my sister is shit and treats her like crap. I'm all she has . my dad left years ago

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Some beautiful moments here and there make me reconsider.
But all I need to do is remember all the experiences I will never have again— travel, romance, great food, a real career… and I think why stick around? So I can worry about money all the time… ??? I'm not going back to being cheap. I spent my first 40 years like that. Not going back. I don't wanna live like that - it's miserable. Get me out.

 

[Øystein]

I don't get those moments anymore. Even if I get tiny fractions of being happy, I still feel the awful need to disappear at the same time. What triggers my doubts though is actually thinking about my plans of ctb and about all the little things that could fail and "save me" - those make me really scared.