For the first time, in a long time, I journaled

[Water-Lily]

After hanging out at another gaming place yesterday, I confided in someone about me getting back some of my games. The games my brother threw away. Of course, I didn't explain how I lost them. Just help in finding certain ones back.

Though I am thankful to have gotten some more of the important ones I cared about it, it doesn't change the trauma that comes from the emotional neglect my family bestowed upon me. Neglect that has always been present in my life. My brother feeling the need to violate my privacy and take my games and discard them god knows where, to him not getting any punishment. Allowed to cast abuse however and become a monster in the process.

Abusive behavior in general has always been excused. It's "ok" because the person abusing was "angry" and "stressed". But what it does is make it ok to express unprocessed emotions in ways that hurt others. Maybe my family just didn't/doesn't know how to handle abuse (it's still present in how they abuse one another)

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. The old him. I'd love to go back in time, find his old self, and make him present. The memories of us gaming together. Playing roof top run with sonic unleashed, plants vs Zombies, and Mario mini games with my childhood BFF. All of that is gone and will likely never come back

I have a lot in my life to grieve. From a broke childhood, a loss of identity, trauma, abuse upon abuse, etc. I'm not trying to create some "hero" story or say "everything will get better". But I guess I'm trying to, want to, do some things better

 

[timf]

One thing about bad experiences is that it gives one perspective and some clarity so that future choices can be made to improve circumstances. For example, if one suffered from exposure to a toxic personality, seeing those traits in someone new can help avoid future painful entanglement.

 

[AshClouds]

Abusive behavior in general has always been excused. It's "ok" because the person abusing was "angry" and "stressed". But what it does is make it ok to express unprocessed emotions in ways that hurt others. Maybe my family just didn't/doesn't know how to handle abuse (it's still present in how they abuse one another)

its okay to be angry or stressed but its never okay to take that anger on another person.

You might get your brother back if you spend enough time away from him, either way, leaving him behind probably would be the best thing you can do.

 

[Water-Lily]

its okay to be angry or stressed but its never okay to take that anger on another person.

You might get your brother back if you spend enough time away from him, either way, leaving him behind probably would be the best thing you can do.

Yeah. My family has a habit of excusing abusive behavior. It's a sick cycle

As for my brother, I plan to go no contact with him once I leave. Since putting a lock on my door my games have never been affected since. But I'll never forgive him for what he did to me.