For ppl not wishing to CTB is this forum more help or damage?

[Rukia]

I wonder...
Cannot stop thinking about ppl who disappeared from here...it is hard to tell if they CTBed or somebody is playing cruel games. or sth else ..so I take more damage here...
What is stopping me from banning myself is the thought that maybe I am helping someone by talking, my posts....but maybe that is vanity and pride...my ego...

Dont know what to do...but recently am in bad shape...dont have my thyroid tablets, taking anti anxiety meds...:(

 

[Codieb1]

It's a lot of your own true mindset. For obvious reasons we're not supposed to encourage anyone to ctb. There is support here if you want or need that. A lot of people come here either undecided and wanting help, and getting it, or coming here wanting a way out, and also getting that. I wouldn't call it "damage" though, I'm sure your subconscious can tell which thread titles are going to sway you

 

[DreamCatcher]

I'd say if the forum isn't good and positive for you then you probably shouldn't be here, but that goes with most things in life.

It's nice that you're trying to help people, but they will go on or not with their lives regardless of if you're here or not. It's your choice, but I'd suggest leaving if this site if it is causing any additional negativity in your life. This is a place for people to find peace, even those who aren't looking to CTB.

I hope you find peace too.

 

[Shamana]

Personally I think it's pretty toxic for anyone who's not fairly determined to commit suicide sooner or later. You spend a little time and within no time, you order SN or whatever. Endlessly reading about suicide is depressing as well. I think if people are looking for advice and support for geniune healing there are far better places to looking. This is one the worst places imo for that. Here being pro-life is a swear word.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I don't think people who don't plan on ctb should necessarily be here. It's not a place to find hope that isn't found at the end of a shotgun.
I have not been here that long, and have not developed connections to people. I have not gone through the loss of someone where a relationship had developed. I understand the nature of this forum, but that has got to be so tough to wonder, "did they or didn't they?"
I've seen your support, given to people when they're at their lowest or when most frightened. It's selfless to do so in this environment, since it goes against our SI. You are helping them. Comfort. Information. Humor...ego or not, you've helped.

With that said, you need to also be kind to yourself. Take a break from here if it's getting heavy. Are you just waiting for your doctor to refill your meds? Maybe a break until you get them. Just please be gentle to yourself.

*edited my wall o text from drugs*

 

[restingspot]

It's a double-edged sword. If I had the means necessary I'd be gone already, but my recent position has me playing a waiting game. It's pretty much torture to know that I have the options but I'm metaphorically tied up. There's also people like Soul who throw out some interesting philosophical stuff on the matter of death and the afterlife and if there is anything beyond our perception. It's nice to know that behind the desire for death, there are other, genuine people that are struggling with their own demons and that they can speak their peace without being lauded at or treated like an opportunity to boost someone's hero complex. I'm rambling at this point, haha.

 

[Broken Chimera]

If you feel like you need to step back and decompress for a while, then do it. This is a depressing place to be. You help others but you gotta remember to take care of yourself first. Maybe you can just leave and take time for yourself instead of banning yourself. Then when you can handle it come back. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope things look up for you soon.

 

[Rukia]

Feel really bad...Dont know anymore if this site helps or contributes to that...It is like downward spiral recently...

Personally I think it's pretty toxic for anyone who's not fairly determined to commit suicide sooner or later. You spend a little time and within no time, you order SN or whatever. Endlessly reading about suicide is depressing as well. I think if people are looking for advice and support for geniune healing there are far better places to looking. This is one the worst places imo for that. Here being pro-life is a swear word.

Maybe you are right...But I like the community here, I have friends here...

I feel I will go crazy without this site, crazy with this site doesnt matter anymore...

Anyway, thanks guys for all the replies...

 

[StillWaiting]

Hi
I have been hanging around here once awhile.
Don't think I will ctb any soon but maybe someday in near future.
I feel that this forum has helped me a lot because I can no longer see myself living a normal life anymore. Knowing people who share similar thoughts makes me feel less alienated from the world.
Sometime I wish I have the courage and energy to get it over and done with

 

[laiduponit]

Regardless if it is good or bad I still believe it should be allowed. When you've got places like /r/sanctionedsuicide being removed and then they post suicide hotlines they seem to think they actually help in anyway? Speaking about suicide at least lets you rationalize it more, rather then having it suppressed and your feelings on it always staying the same.

 

[lilyeehaw]

I haven't been here for long but I spend a lot of my time here just looking at threads, It's therapeutic to me. Feel like people here understand me. It is sad to see people go but its ultimately their decision, Places like this shouldn't be banned as I'm sure it helped a lot of people and even encouraged people to seek help.

I don't want people shouting at me "it's selfish", "Think of what it's going to do to your family" etc. I want to talk to people who understand what I'm going through who I can relate to. If anything Pro-life people are more harm then pro-choice.

I think people who don't plan to ctb should be welcome here as they can help counsel people, There are risks that come with that though sadly :c, I hate how someone can get prosecuted just for trying to help someone in their decision, obviously if you are telling someone to kill themselves that's a totally different story but talking to someone in a manner where they make the decision should be legal.

 

[Rukia]

I think people who don't plan to ctb should be welcome here as they can help counsel people, There are risks that come with that though sadly :c,

Yes, thats the reason I am still here...the thought I may help somebody...
But I am just a blind that "leads" another blind...And it can result in going into the ditch:( hate to repeat that but that is so spot on...

And yes, there are legal risks for us who doesnt plan to CTB...or to be more precise for all but those planning CTB obviously dont care...

 

[Santiago]

I haven't been here for long but I spend a lot of my time here just looking at threads, It's therapeutic to me. Feel like people here understand me. It is sad to see people go but its ultimately their decision, Places like this shouldn't be banned as I'm sure it helped a lot of people and even encouraged people to seek help.

I don't want people shouting at me "it's selfish", "Think of what it's going to do to your family" etc. I want to talk to people who understand what I'm going through who I can relate to. If anything Pro-life people are more harm then pro-choice.

I think people who don't plan to ctb should be welcome here as they can help counsel people, There are risks that come with that though sadly :c, I hate how someone can get prosecuted just for trying to help someone in their decision, obviously if you are telling someone to kill themselves that's a totally different story but talking to someone in a manner where they make the decision should be legal.

I don't see how that should be legal. While you might only give them instructions you still push them into that direction. It increases the amount of emotional decisions like we have actually very recently witnessed on this forum. Personally I think if anything this forum should stand for rational decisions. That is the reason I joined in the first place.

I also don't agree pro-life people cause more harm. I'd say they are equally as harmful. People don't understand nothing is black or white. Those sides should grow closer to each other instead of making the divide even bigger. That is just my opinion though and it comes from a desire to create a better future for both sides and mental health as a whole.

It's actually one of the main reasons why I am slowly losing my admiration for this place. Too many people pick a side because it fits their own narrative. Sometimes the confirmation bias is real.

 

[Rukia]

I don't see how that should be legal. While you might only give them instructions you still push them into that direction.

This site is full of instructions and I am glad I never gave one because it seems to be criminal in Poland and you face up to 5 years in prison...And there is no mass deletion of content at least not officially, maybe there is if you ask politely...

 

[SinisterKid]

This place has helped me in so many ways. But I am still here when in reality, I should not be. So its a double edged sword for me. There are times I wish I had never found the place, but other times I am so glad I did. But suffering depression, having constant ideations, is going to mess with your head, no matter who you are. So confusion is going to be a by product. Right now, if you asked me if I would be dead or alive tomorrow, I honestly could not give you a straight answer.

 

[Rukia]

There are times I wish I had never found the place, but other times I am so glad I did.

This...

 

[MAIO]

I wonder...
Cannot stop thinking about ppl who disappeared from here...it is hard to tell if they CTBed or somebody is playing cruel games. or sth else ..so I take more damage here...
What is stopping me from banning myself is the thought that maybe I am helping someone by talking, my posts....but maybe that is vanity and pride...my ego...

Dont know what to do...but recently am in bad shape...dont have my thyroid tablets, taking anti anxiety meds...:(

Is that because people become a hollow if they commit suicide?

 

[Rukia]

Is that because people become a hollow if they commit suicide?

You mean like in Bleach? I hope afterlife is not like in Bleach, it was awful...

Believe it or not but cannot stop thinking about for example @Honigwaffel liked his posts...

I think overall I took even more damage here...Only I hope I helped somebody, if so then it was worth it...

 

[1964dodge]

I don't see how that should be legal. While you might only give them instructions you still push them into that direction. It increases the amount of emotional decisions like we have actually very recently witnessed on this forum. Personally I think if anything this forum should stand for rational decisions. That is the reason I joined in the first place.

I also don't agree pro-life people cause more harm. I'd say they are equally as harmful. People don't understand nothing is black or white. Those sides should grow closer to each other instead of making the divide even bigger. That is just my opinion though and it comes from a desire to create a better future for both sides and mental health as a whole.

It's actually one of the main reasons why I am slowly losing my admiration for this place. Too many people pick a side because it fits their own narrative. Sometimes the confirmation bias is real.

you are very right. I consider myself very pro-choice. but I believe that before you ctb you should explore all options and be sure, because there's no going back once you're dead. I am often on the fence and will keep trying until I fall off the fence. but just saying to be sure before ctb I piss people off and they call me pro-life. isn't it pro-choice to choose life or death. and shouldn't we decide which is best? maybe life will work out, and maybe death is the answer, just be sure. that's my opinion and people hate me for being a real pro-choice person instead of a pro-suicide person

 

[-Link-]

I feel like if you're questioning this, then you probably should not be on this site at all.

PM your friends, get their off-site contact info, and talk with them over Skype or texts or whatever else.

To stay here just to help others... Wow, that sounds like such a heavy weight to take on. If you're still suicidally inclined, but just passively, then maybe this site is OK for that. But if you're personally in recovery or healing, then I'd strongly advise leaving the site so that you don't get drawn back into this mindset.

Whatever help you may be providing here (and I'd argue that most people here are of some help to others, even if only by their presence alone) is outweighed by your personal needs. Be your own priority. Mind your own health first. If you do leave us, remember that there are many other helpful people here, so you wouldn't be leaving us empty-handed or anything.

 

[Rukia]

(...)

Thanks for your kind words, you made my day...You helped too...

I wish it were true...

 

[Tortured_empath]

encouraged people to seek help

Although I agree with you, I don't know about this one.

 

[Rukia]

My mother asked me what I was doing today...was on this forum whole day...and slept...

I never forget how on Children's Day there was moomin song playing from neighbouring kindergarten and I was searching info about CTB...

It was so surreal...

I dont know myself...maybe I am a Catholic and pro lifer in the end...it is my identity...Do you hear God? Still have high hopes...lol...Another time I am pro euthanasia...

I will tell only that this forum could do with some sane and professional ppl helping when needed...Maybe not all from here need to CTB...

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I only found this site because I was researching how to ctb and recent deaths by jumping.
I have been struggling with thoughts to ctb for over 20 years now. So definitely nothing to do with this site. I have tried twice (pathetic attempts years ago by overdose) which I now know better of. The closest I came to actually ctb was by jumping 2 years ago now. And before I ever found this site.
This site has helped me realise I'm not the only one and just how many people are hurting in this awful world we live in!

 

[RM5998]

you are very right. I consider myself very pro-choice. but I believe that before you ctb you should explore all options and be sure, because there's no going back once you're dead. I am often on the fence and will keep trying until I fall off the fence. but just saying to be sure before ctb I piss people off and they call me pro-life. isn't it pro-choice to choose life or death. and shouldn't we decide which is best? maybe life will work out, and maybe death is the answer, just be sure. that's my opinion and people hate me for being a real pro-choice person instead of a pro-suicide person

When you say 'explore all options', do you mean that one should know about them? Or do you mean that suicide is a last resort?

 

[1964dodge]

When you say 'explore all options', do you mean that one should know about them? Or do you mean that suicide is a last resort?

I mean suicide should be the final solution and last resort. i'm not saying to try everything possible that would be time consuming and cause undo suffering. i'm just saying be aware of all of your options and make your decision based on all the possibilities. for example therapy may be an option and a person should be aware of the benefits and shortcomings of it the same with meds know your options and then decide. and a person should plan on ctb and know it's the right decision for them. so be aware and choose with all the facts. I don't believe that ctb is right or wrong it's personal, just be sure to choose right

 

[Rukia]

Would mention more members who disappeared but I am paranoid about it...I can delude myself it is all a prank...

How do you all deal with other members possible death?

 

[TAW122]

I would say that this forum has been helpful in both times when I am not actively wanting to CTB and also during the times where I am at an all time low. It has allowed me to express myself without censorship, bullshit paradigms, judgments, and risk of intervention. I am able to talk openly and honestly without risk and also bounce off ideas that would either help me recover and/or help me find peace (CTB) when the time comes. In fact, I would say this site has helped me in the latter part of 2018 and most of 2019 even.

 

[k75]

The reason I found this forum was because I was researching methods. What I learned was extremely valuable, especially because I was able to learn more about dangers of what I had had in mind originally.

But I guess I've been able to step back a little and am still weighing my options, and because of people like you, Rukia, I think there's a bit of balance here.

Since not everyone is actively rushing toward ending their lives, it gives people like me a chance to truly analyze my situation. There might be better places for that kind of thing, but usually you mention suicide and everyone starts cramming hotlines and scare tactics down your throat. That is not helpful.

This is the first place I've found where I can admit what I'm planning openly and without judgement, which in turn is helping me figure out if I should proceed. I think that people in your situation help encourage that. So as long as you feel okay here, I think this place is lucky to have you.

 

[RM5998]

I mean suicide should be the final solution and last resort. i'm not saying to try everything possible that would be time consuming and cause undo suffering. i'm just saying be aware of all of your options and make your decision based on all the possibilities. for example therapy may be an option and a person should be aware of the benefits and shortcomings of it the same with meds know your options and then decide. and a person should plan on ctb and know it's the right decision for them. so be aware and choose with all the facts. I don't believe that ctb is right or wrong it's personal, just be sure to choose right

Considering the main body of your answer and contrasting it with the first sentence, do you believe that there is an inherent bias that makes suicide a choice that needs some form of objective justifiability?

Would mention more members who disappeared but I am paranoid about it...I can delude myself it is all a prank...

How do you all deal with other members possible death?

I try to not think about them. It's... too hard.