Venting For me death is the only relief in this cruel, hellish and harmful existence

[FuneralCry]

I only wish to not-exist, the only relief lies in permanent, eternal non-existence where all is finally forgotten about. Existence truly is so hellish, cruel and harmful, I'd never wish to exist no matter what, to exist means to suffer so unnecessarily all while risking experiencing much worse suffering at any moment.

It's horrifying how in existence there is unlimited potential for agony and torment which is of course a reason as to why I'd prefer to not exist. I envy those who no longer exist as they permanently lack the ability to suffer, they are the only fortunate ones to me as they are permanently free from this evil, disgusting world filled with humans that cause so much senseless cruelty and unnecessary suffering.

I find it comforting to think of this existence permanently disappearing into nothingness, I only see non-existence as desirable especially as existence causes an immense amount of harm, the existence of life truly is such a horrific, disturbing tragedy, it's an abomination.
The only peace for me could ever lie in death, there's no peace in existing as a conscious being who is capable of suffering so extremely, I see no value in being burdened with something so repulsive and futile as existence.

The fact that existence is nothing but suffering truly makes me wish for the peace of non-existence, even this place doesn't feel like a safe space for me anymore, it just feels the same as everywhere else really, I find it to be the opposite of supportive now which is sad. It just shows that everything in existence leads to even more pain, the only relief certainly does lie in death erasing everything, only non-existence could ever bring any relief.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

I wonder often about the futility of our lives and the random chance in evolution that drives it. It's hard to reconcile with the fact that almost everything we take as an inherent truth in our lives: culture, etiquette, currency, employment, everything that ties us to other people, they are all fabricated, created in part by the long dead who wouldn't ever recognize the world we live in today. How do you live in this world after you've realized that? How do you live when you know that everything that you identify with, what you call your personality, identity, ideology, etc. have been composed by factors beyond your control. Over and over they have asked 'nature vs nurture' but it doesn't really matter, does it? You are completely shaped by both, the circumstances, the culture, the time that you're born in and the body you're born with. "Create your own meaning, but limited to the time, resources, place, and other social, psychological and physiological constraints you function with or within, in as much ignorance as possible of the deafening, dead silence echoing to you the meaninglessness of it all without." - not a bad compromise, they say, for being born as an accident, surviving as a consequence, evolving through decadence, blatantly indifferent to truth self evident. True equality, freedom, "fulfillment", I believe, can only be found, paradoxically, in non existence, where we're revealed to be what we really are - basically a bunch of accidentally conscious primates performing inconsequential tasks on an insignificant rock in the universe for insignificant amount of time. If chaos is order yet undeciphered, death is reality unscathed.