For how long have you been suicidal? How old were you when you had your first attempt?

[Chiisai]

Never attempted. First thoughts of CBT popped up around 4-5 years ago (I was 18-19 then) when I was struggling with a detox from a pretty serious drug addiction. Wasn't a thing that I actually wanted, but an escape plan I guess, in case my mental health detoriates any further. Lately, with my mum's terminal diagnosis and an overall question mark describing the essence of my existence (not in a nihilistic sense, more like constant confusion on what the fuck I'm actually feeling if that makes sense?), the "visions" of off'ing myself with a bullet are back. Albeit still, it's not something I want or desire. For some reason imagining CBTing brings me comfort, it's almost like some sort of twisted therapy for all the bs I'm going through.

Sorry if this didn't make sense, I'm just pouring my half drunk heart out in the only real place regarding this shit that I managed to find.

I feel you. Somehow there's a comforting feeling when thinking of CTB. For me, it feels that with all the things that's going wrong or out of hand, the thought that I'd be able to CTB anytime gives a sense of control over my life.

 

[Ear]

I became suicidal at age 13, I was severely bullied at school for having a different skin colour, also I might have been on the spectrum and weird looking.

 

[enau]

since childhood as everyone on this thread.Im30 .I tried enough

 

[Pallf]

Suicidal at 18, first attempt at 20. There may be more attempts, hopefully successful.

 

[butterflycollector]

i think the first time i ever thought of doing something was when i was 10. but ive never attempted anything before because id definitely be too scared and i dont think the time is right now.

 

[Deadlyroses]

I've been suicidal since age 12. My first attempt was at age 14.

 

[Un-]

3 suicide attempts when I was 14.
Knife to my neck and tried slicing my wrists (I was addicted to self harming); climbing an electric pylon (about half way up) with the idea of electrocuting myself; overdosing on all the medication in my house, mixed with alcohol. I'll attempt partial suspension soon.

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

I been suicidal since I was 19. I first attempted at 21. I'm 25 now. I don't know if I'll make it to the end of the year

 

[vodolazkiy12]

My first attempt was when I was 11. Didn't know what self harm or suicide was. No one I knew ever talked about it. It was taboo I guess. Not long after that I refused to go to school and started self harming in secret.

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

My first urges to kill myself emergd when I was about 14 and I tried to hang myself when I was 15. It would have been successful if I had tied a better knot. I never got that Boy Scout badge for knot tieing.

Since then, the thoughts have mingled with my real life becoming strong and unbearable at times and then simply fading away for a while. At times I would experiment with partial suspension but more for practise then as a real attempt.

Nevertheless, the thought is always there.

I am at the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive.

 

[Rabhen]

By the time I was 9 I had already begun feeling I did not belong and did not want to be here, wished to drift off into space, alone. Just me and space, planets and stars. I was 12 when I started cutting and 13 when I tried to catch the first bus. Wanting to leave, be relieved, unconceived have never left me. These feelings ebb and flow in intensity, paralleling repeated, continued and new traumatic experiences and griefs. My only true companions, yet unlike fish and company, I rarely feel the desire for them to leave. Still, at lowest ebbs I barely notice their near absence, nor do I long for their return.

 

[Ankou]

6 and 6

 

[nottheend]

On and off as long as I can remember, I've never really made a serious attempt through not really having the means I'm 90% sure if I had access to a gun I wouldn't be writing this

 

[empty]

Started having suicidal thoughts at age 16. First attempt was at age 17

 

[byebyeburdee]

I first wished for it at 8, first serious attempt at 19, nearly completed it at 27 but got walked in on at the last minute -- I was already out and SO PISSED when I woke up in the hospital 3 days later. I'm 40 now and nothing has made living worthwhile yet.

As the title say, when did it start? If you have already attempted, how old were you? I started thinking about death at 9, became suicidal at 12-13, and first attempted at 17. Now I'm 18, and will probably attempt again soon, I dread going to college or getting a job.

 

[StarryStarry]

As the title say, when did it start? If you have already attempted, how old were you? I started thinking about death at 9, became suicidal at 12-13, and first attempted at 17. Now I'm 18, and will probably attempt again soon, I dread going to college or getting a job.

Depressed for as long as I can remember - 1st attempt 15 years old

 

[unattainable piscie]

Depends on what we're calling suicidal? The first times I can remember actively seeking death as an escape I was probably 6 if I recall, but I know I had wanted to die before, and I'm not sure I actually knew that it was called suicide until around 8 plus or minus a year.

I've attempted a few times but almost always turned back, or had done it with an easy outing becuase I was, and honestly still am, scared of what death actually means, granted nowadays the thing that fears me more is how it'll affect the people that I care about and mean so much to me. I've tried hanging myself, waiting for a truck while sitting on an overpass but got too cold lmao, slitting my wrists, almost od'd, and jumping. Some i've tried a few times, but looking back on reflection I don't know how I expected some of them to work, or what I could've gotten from it, others I knew it was more for a cry for help which I never got.

I think my next attempt will be either by jumping or trying to overdoes again. My main issue is there doesn't seem to be many good places to jump from near me, and damn I'm skipping meals already because I'm so low on cash and drugs are kinda expensive. I don't know if i'm going to, but I can't get the thoughts out of my head and I feel a desperate need/want to.

 

[Versailles]

I have been suicidal since I was 16, my first attempt was days after my partner's suicide

 

[ethereals]

Can't recall the exact date, I'd say about 5 to 7 years. I started feeling depressed when I was 12, became suicidal probably at 14, my first attempt at 15. I'm 19 now and I feel worse than ever.

 

[PoisonousPotato]

I became suicidal at 12 when I developped my melancholic depression and my schz. I tried for the 1st time at 15, by jumping, 6 months after the end of my 1st hospitalization. Since that, in ten years of hell, I made a lot of other serious attemps (>15) mostly OD of my medication (which is why i failed so much) but also hypothermia and tries to open an artery

 

[exhaustedanonymous]

I've been suicidal since ~5 or 6 (when I understood the concept of death) and then my first "attempt" was maybe 9/10 when I tried to drown myself in the sink. sinks don't have enough water but i rlly tried LMFAO

 

[manocsak]

At 18, right away wanted to end, I failed... Since then, I'm not suicidal, I just exist

 

[LocalAngel]

7 years from memory, and my memory is garbage so probably more then that.
The most i've come in terms of attempting was getting really close to leaping infront of a car, dangling one leg out on the street- at one point getting really close to a moving car and having them beep at me. That's about it though. Been mostly just ideation and passive planning.

 

[NoWonder]

5 years in my count. I've locked myself at night in the kitchen with my method ready a couple of times since I was 16, but never managed to get through with it.

 

[wait-bus-stop]

I was 15 or so when I made a serious attempt. I had been thinking of itsome timeetime before that.

 

[Ernest1964]

I first thought of CTB in April 2017. I have never "attempted" to CTB because I am a bit of perfectionist, when I DO CTB, it will not be a failed attempt... I will succeed.

 

[never mind me]

I've never attempted suicide, because I've always been extremely scared of the consequences of a failed attempt. So for me it was always "either do it in a way that practically guarantees sucess or don't do it at all." I first became suicidal when I turned 17 and was chronically suicidal till I was 20. After that it was only every now and then that I had suicidal ideation. So in total more than 15 years by now. To be honest, I don't think that will ever change, it seems to be the way my brain functions. Whenever I am in a situation that makes me feel bad I nurture ideas about ctb. And why not? In the end life is pointless. When I'm happy I'm just not bothered by it.

 

[mushroomhive]

first started to think about suicide when i was 10 and attempted for the first time when i was 11

 

[LikeAPendulum]

As the title say, when did it start? If you have already attempted, how old were you? I started thinking about death at 9, became suicidal at 12-13, and first attempted at 17. Now I'm 18, and will probably attempt again soon, I dread going to college or getting a job.

I was probably 10 or so when i first held suicidal thoughts. I planned to hang myself when i was 14; had a rope and a tall place to do it but i chickened out and compromised my plan. I'm 18 now and I've regretted that ever since and i wish i could finish it someday.