Food allergy, electrolytes, rambling

[mybabiesaregone]

I have a horrible allergy to shellfish, I wonder if anyone has been able to let it do them in. It was a late onset allergy, something I used to eat all the time, so I found out the hard way. It's horrible, horrible pain and every time I went to the ER, but I couldn't have gotten there without help. It would be horrible, but would probably do the trick. I'm like thinking "natural ways" that maybe I help along by not giving a shit. My boyfriend literally died in his sleep by taking potassium supplements a few years ago. It was accidental and he swore by it for anxiety. He was a perfectly healthy 35 year old male. He didn't take a bunch, just a "therapeutic dose". So now I'm like okay I'm gonna eat potassium and maybe throw some pre workouts and niacin and then all the things that block my kidneys from filtering and if nothing else throw the shellfish in and eventually something will take me out. Shit I dunno. I just basically think my way of going out is gonna have to be something like that. Might take a while. Painful I'm sure but my first attempt when my first son died was horrifically painful and I was fine with that. Never called for help. After all the pain it was great, I saw my son and he was with me. He was with me until I woke up in a hospital. It's probably unlikely that I'll get lucky enough to be done and go see my babies. But I like that it kinda also feels like my fate is in God's hands. When my first son passed away. I ate more pills than what would kill an elephant, seriously, and no damage. I ate boxes of Benadryl, boxes. I ate all my old pain meds from surgeries, hydro and oxys, over 100 muscle relaxers, all my husbands benzos, codiene left over from my dog that had cancer, dormosedan (a horse tranquilizer) that literally should stop your heart, gabapentin, remeron, seroquil, the list goes on. Not a few pills, bottles. Because i never believed in meds so I had a HUGE stock. I threw up I kept taking more stuff and stronger until I finally passed out. I am perfectly alive had no residual damage from the horrific OD aside from the traume of being "rescued", the psych ward, and life is ever since. Anywho… why can't we just screw up our electrolytes and die, seems super simple, my bf died that way and sometimes they say you don't even have symptoms. Like Russian roulette???

 

[Jrmull1993]

@mybabiesaregone

Your post was incredibly hard to read, as I couldn't imagine the pain of loosing both your partner and your baby. I'm incredibly sorry to hear about the deck of cards you have been dealt.

 

[Rounded Agony]

I saw your first post a few days ago and it was a heartbreaking read; @Jrmull1993 if you wanna be sad look for that one.

What a phenomenal mystery that you were able to survive your previous attempt; I wonder if less of all that made it into your system than it seemed, given you were aware that it refused to accept at least some of it. Sometimes unfortunately for part of us, there's another big part that doesn't want the same end we desire. I read on here someone recounting tales they'd heard of people basically un-hanging themselves after passing out. That was wild to me.

I expect I have no words that could even begin to console you given what you've been through, so hopefully the awareness that I and others are here in at least solidarity, and likely more should you call, will provide some transient relief.

 

[mybabiesaregone]

I saw your first post a few days ago and it was a heartbreaking read; @Jrmull1993 if you wanna be sad look for that one.

What a phenomenal mystery that you were able to survive your previous attempt; I wonder if less of all that made it into your system than it seemed, given you were aware that it refused to accept at least some of it. Sometimes unfortunately for part of us, there's another big part that doesn't want the same end we desire. I read on here someone recounting tales they'd heard of people basically un-hanging themselves after passing out. That was wild to me.

I expect I have no words that could even begin to console you given what you've been through, so hopefully the awareness that I and others are here in at least solidarity, and likely more should you call, will provide some transient relief.

I was saved by a rape, oddly enough, in my next attempt after that. As it gave me my rainbow baby and my reason to live. However, losing both my babies is just too much. At this point all I can do is pray for death all day every day. Literally.

I was saved by a rape, oddly enough, in my next attempt after that. As it gave me my rainbow baby and my reason to live. However, losing both my babies is just too much. At this point all I can do is pray for death all day every day. Literally.

As far as the attempt went, the problem was that I got found. It was more than enough to do the trick I'm certain. I did throw up a lot but I had so much and just kept going it didn't matter and eventually I stopped throwing up. If I had been in a better state of mind I probably could have taken things in a better way but then again it's hard to be in a good state of mind when you wake up to your dead baby. And now, not once but twice. I just pray for death
I did all the work, I did all the therapy, I learned all the lessons I thought I was supposed to learn. I FINALLY gave myself permission to smile and be happy with my rainbow baby, and he DIED. Everything I love leaves or gets ripped from me by death.

I saw your first post a few days ago and it was a heartbreaking read; @Jrmull1993 if you wanna be sad look for that one.

What a phenomenal mystery that you were able to survive your previous attempt; I wonder if less of all that made it into your system than it seemed, given you were aware that it refused to accept at least some of it. Sometimes unfortunately for part of us, there's another big part that doesn't want the same end we desire. I read on here someone recounting tales they'd heard of people basically un-hanging themselves after passing out. That was wild to me.

I expect I have no words that could even begin to console you given what you've been through, so hopefully the awareness that I and others are here in at least solidarity, and likely more should you call, will provide some transient relief.

When I found out I was having my rainbow baby, I felt like there was a reason I survived. But now that he's gone too. After 7.5 months on this earth of me and him being absolute best friends, the love of my life. I feel like I'm just here to get punished. In the most horrible ways. I keep saying if there's a hell it can't even be like what I'm living in I don't like to say it but it can't be this horrible. Nothing can.

I was saved by a rape, oddly enough, in my next attempt after that. As it gave me my rainbow baby and my reason to live. However, losing both my babies is just too much. At this point all I can do is pray for death all day every day. Literally.

As far as the attempt went, the problem was that I got found. It was more than enough to do the trick I'm certain. I did throw up a lot but I had so much and just kept going it didn't matter and eventually I stopped throwing up. If I had been in a better state of mind I probably could have taken things in a better way but then again it's hard to be in a good state of mind when you wake up to your dead baby. And now, not once but twice. I just pray for death
I did all the work, I did all the therapy, I learned all the lessons I thought I was supposed to learn. I FINALLY gave myself permission to smile and be happy with my rainbow baby, and he DIED. Everything I love leaves or gets ripped from me by death.

When I found out I was having my rainbow baby, I felt like there was a reason I survived. But now that he's gone too. After 7.5 months on this earth of me and him being absolute best friends, the love of my life. I feel like I'm just here to get punished. In the most horrible ways. I keep saying if there's a hell it can't even be like what I'm living in I don't like to say it but it can't be this horrible. Nothing can.

I guess I should point out that my attempt was definitely not planned it was impulse so I possibly didn't execute things the best however I certainly had the determination to die. I do know that. I know my friend that's an RN showed up and if she hadn't that could have saved a lot of people a whole lot of hurt, I wouldn't have had another baby to just die in his sleep and no one would be so sad and I would just be dust just like my babies like I deserve to be

@mybabiesaregone

Your post was incredibly hard to read, as I couldn't imagine the pain of loosing both your partner and your baby. I'm incredibly sorry to hear about the deck of cards you have been dealt.

I am stuck in hell because I've done it twice now. Two babies, two years. It's the exact same thing I am stuck in hell
So all the things that are mean to your heart, just kinda a slow overdose, and then overdoing it, as I always do. Sleep alone or work alone I do both so….
Well I guess my "method" right now if you could call it that, is to literally do all the things that can cause cardiac arrest. Unfortunately I have taken awesome care of myself over the years so i swear my body lives through the dumbest crap. I am hoping from all this crushing sadness and grief my heart and body can't take much more but haha I thought that a year ago.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It's possible to die from an overdose of potassium?

 

[mybabiesaregone]

It's possible to die from an overdose of potassium?

It can cause hyperkalemia which is too much potassium in the blood however if your kidneys are healthy it seems unlikely that they won't just filter it out so I'm guessing you have to have underlying conditions.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have been through so much, it really is such a cruel existence and it's unfair how it's this hard to die. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering as none of us should ever have to endure such agony.