Help Flip flopping. But directionless.

[Livingvsdying25]

I as always keep flip flopping between life and death....

But this time around I feel completely directionless.

I dunno what to do next or what not to do. I dunno what path I'm aiming for.

Quarter-life/25yr old life crisis?? (If I'm living im hoping to live to 100 like some of my ancestors.)

It's sooo... dsyregulating and de-motivating... what does one do?

Im disabled. Im finally comfortable claiming that label (as if being on disability and struggling day to day wasnt enough)... I'm limited in both capacity and ability...

What do I do with my time?

Just invest time into my creative interests?(I have enough/a lot that it would really fill up most of my time.)

Anyone ever come to this place of directionless? How did u overcome it/any tips in general?


Not having a direction for me is like danger signals bc of my trauma and having to carry myself so far. I dunno the balane between taking a break and just completely fucking off from life bc I have too many things to take care of. I dunno...

I feel like even entertaining the idea of life rn is just stupid... I dunno what to do anymore but I'm tired of being trapped...


Anyway any feedback or like general relating or anything is welcome..

 

[SexyIncél]

Definitely sounds hard. I briefly poked around your old posts, so guess at what tickles your fancy. Any crazy passions or depravities. None. Not an easy situation!

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Same situation.

I feel that my life and everything in it is worthless. I am not hyper-intelligent I have nothing to offer, so even the bare minimum in day-to-day life seems exhausting; feeding myself, personal hygiene, getting out of bed, etc…

I know I have to 'just do it', so me giving in to these thoughts mean that I feel partly to blame for not getting in with life in a disciplined manner.

I have nothing to look forward to in life while everyone else seems to be getting on with theirs…

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Definitely sounds hard. I briefly poked around your old posts, so guess at what tickles your fancy. Any crazy passions or depravities. None. Not an easy situation!

I guess back in March I was going.through more so was experiencing what's it called...
anhedonia..

Things that do bring me joy/happy feelings is: music, art, video games, knitting, drag queens, dancing, yeee probs some other stuff but I do have things that bring me joy/not in that place anymore where life is joyless.

I just struggle with knowing / being ok with doing those things? Like bc of trauma I feel like I needa constantly be up and about and on top of everything. So maybe not totally directionless but hobbies don't feel like a life direction?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can relate but from a slightly different direction. I've lost my way multiple times in life because I can't financially support myself doing what I want to do. (Creative career.) As you put it- I have tended to flip flop all over the place as various things have failed. I tend to lunge between permanent positions which are usually middle management and end up being too stressful and un-creative- so- then- back to freelance till the money runs out again!

For you though. If you are financially supported now- accept that because you must clearly qualify. But if you need direction- could you maybe start an Etsy shop with your creative stuff? Or- would that void your benefits? Maybe you need an outlet for your work to be seen? I know I couldn't create just for me. There needs to be a purpose for me to do it.

 

[mitsurumors]

I haven't showered in 3 weeks, I am just existing playing Totk while nothing else matters, my hyperfixation won't let me do anything else
I haven't had any ctb attacks or attempts in an year, and that sounds amazing, but my former therapist couldn't let it slop to mention that I'm only ctb free rn bc of the surgery I want, a surgery I need therapeutic approval for
It's honestly the only thing that keeps me alive rn, even tho I'm super scared of the surgery and everything that changes after it; but like you I'm disabled and without it I'll never see the sun again
Like life as it is rn is so meaningless, so this surgery really is the only spark of hope

But I'm still wasting away, hoping everything will kinda resolve itself without me having to do anything, bc everything is just so pointless and exhausting