Story Fix treatment resistant depression or die tryin’

[ChrisFromEarth]

This will become the story of a man trying to fix his severe treatment resistant depression by the use of Psilocybin. On his own.

This will be my last attempt, the final fight I am willing to take on. There is almost nothing left of me.
I will start by microdosing, so I acquired magic truffles, which are legal in most of Europe.

My medication before starting:
Lithium, Sertralin, Amitriptylin and Lorazepam (Tavor).
None of these helped me except Tavor. I am low-dose addicted to it for over a year now and it is the only thing keeping me going. But I feel the effect getting weaker and my neurologist is not willing to increase my dose of 2mg.

I tried nearly every med in existence, therapy, ECT, Esketamine - nothing was helping. It has been three years of pure hell. Suicidal almost every day.

I did a lot of research and figured that every med I take will cause either problems with Psilocybin or cancel it's effects.

Great.
So I got off Lithium first, doing a slow tapering. This went well.
Then I stopped taking my 25mg Sertralin 3 days ago. I am in a range where withdrawal symptoms can still occur.
Right now I am getting of Amitriptylin which I only took for about 8 weeks and had nothing but side effects.
I am trying to do this rather quickly. Currently down on 25mg from 75mg.
Hopefully I can kick this tomorrow or any time soon.
I will continue Tavor and up the dosage a little if I have to.
Consulting ChatGPT for all of this was very helpful and unfortunately it told me that Tavor will reduce the effectiveness of Psilocybin as well. FML.
So GPT suggested me to take the truffles late in the evening when most of the Tavor is out of my system.

That is my plan, let's see what happens.
I posted this in the recovery section as I still have some hope but I am preparing to ctb if none of this works.

Feel free to ask me anything or share your knowledge - thank you!

 

[divinemistress36]

You can still feel the effects with Psilocybin on psych meds its just it dulls it some so it wont be as effective but still can be. I havent had success with microdosing. I want to do a big dose but with a therapist guiding me through. Good luck hope it gives you some relief

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

You can still feel the effects with Psilocybin on psych meds its just it dulls it some so it wont be as effective but still can be. I havent had success with microdosing. I want to do a big dose but with a therapist guiding me through. Good luck hope it gives you some relief

True but it is difficult to estimate. Since my meds are not helping I decided to get rid of them.
Good luck to you too, please let me know if it helped you!

 

[rs929]

I am (almost) on the same boat. I want to try psilocybin or DMT, but I have to be off some of my meds.
I must say there is a huge tradeoff. If the meds are somewhat helping you, you risk the worst depression of your life and hence CTB'ing possibly before the psychedelics help.
That's why I'm afraid of doing it.
But if you move forward with it, I'm definitely interested in the results.
My pdoc wants to try an IMAO by the way. Have you tried them?

 

[diopdawe]

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I am (almost) on the same boat. I want to try psilocybin or DMT, but I have to be off some of my meds.
I must say there is a huge tradeoff. If the meds are somewhat helping you, you risk the worst depression of your life and hence CTB'ing possibly before the psychedelics help.
That's why I'm afraid of doing it.
But if you move forward with it, I'm definitely interested in the results.
My pdoc wants to try an IMAO by the way. Have you tried them?

I know that feeling and it is a difficult decision. For me the depression could hardly get worse when I was on my medication so I just took the leap and hope I will not regret it.
I have not tried IMAO yet, it is the last class I might try if everything fails and I don't dare to ctb.
Do you have experience with them?

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

I can only say that buying magic truffles is legal in my country. You can also grow mushrooms but that would be illegal

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Today I will stop taking Amitriptylin and hope all goes smoothly.
Have to admit I am nervous.
ChatGPT recommends to wait 3 days before starting the microdosing.

 

[injuredbongos]

I totally understand the "last chance" feeling. I genuinely hope you are able to find relief this way. I myself have been considering microdosing or KAT for my treatment resistant MDD. Good luck, and keep us updated as much as you are comfortable with—you got this!

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Thank you so much!
I hope you will find some relief as well

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

It is getting difficult. I had two nights were I could not sleep without taking extra Tavor. I hope this is related to the Amitriptylin withdrawal.
Trying to stay calm.
My SN delivery arrived today, weird feeling.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Yesterday evening I took my first microdose before sleeping and it actually did not keep me up at night.
Still severely depressed but I hope I can continue microdosing like this and see some improvement.
It's rough being your own experiment

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Yesterday was hard, today is very hard.
Suicidal, aggressive and hopeless. Having problems with the higher temperature and everyone outside enjoying life.
Only Benzo bringing partial relief, smoking small amount of cbd and just trying to calm down.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

OK, it is weird. Yesterday evening I took my second microdose and after an hour I became very calm and felt not depressive. I noticed more positive thoughts and could watch a movie without being distracted by negative thoughts.
Downside: I could not sleep until 5am.
So I have to figure out a way to take them during the day.
Despite the lack of sleep I managed to be quite active today and felt ok.
I am very confused, slightly optimistic but I try to stay neutral. Was it placebo? Maybe.
Will I crash down again? Probably.
But I will continue to microdose every third day with 1g truffles.

 

[rs929]

How are feeling today?

 

[naturelle]

This will become the story of a man trying to fix his severe treatment resistant depression by the use of Psilocybin. On his own.

This will be my last attempt, the final fight I am willing to take on. There is almost nothing left of me.
I will start by microdosing, so I acquired magic truffles, which are legal in most of Europe.

My medication before starting:
Lithium, Sertralin, Amitriptylin and Lorazepam (Tavor).
None of these helped me except Tavor. I am low-dose addicted to it for over a year now and it is the only thing keeping me going. But I feel the effect getting weaker and my neurologist is not willing to increase my dose of 2mg.

I tried nearly every med in existence, therapy, ECT, Esketamine - nothing was helping. It has been three years of pure hell. Suicidal almost every day.

I did a lot of research and figured that every med I take will cause either problems with Psilocybin or cancel it's effects.

Great.
So I got off Lithium first, doing a slow tapering. This went well.
Then I stopped taking my 25mg Sertralin 3 days ago. I am in a range where withdrawal symptoms can still occur.
Right now I am getting of Amitriptylin which I only took for about 8 weeks and had nothing but side effects.
I am trying to do this rather quickly. Currently down on 25mg from 75mg.
Hopefully I can kick this tomorrow or any time soon.
I will continue Tavor and up the dosage a little if I have to.
Consulting ChatGPT for all of this was very helpful and unfortunately it told me that Tavor will reduce the effectiveness of Psilocybin as well. FML.
So GPT suggested me to take the truffles late in the evening when most of the Tavor is out of my system.

That is my plan, let's see what happens.
I posted this in the recovery section as I still have some hope but I am preparing to ctb if none of this works.

Feel free to ask me anything or share your knowledge - thank you!

Try probiotics. They've found depression to show up with lack of good bacteria in the gut.

 

[Ariel1]

This will become the story of a man trying to fix his severe treatment resistant depression by the use of Psilocybin. On his own.

This will be my last attempt, the final fight I am willing to take on. There is almost nothing left of me.
I will start by microdosing, so I acquired magic truffles, which are legal in most of Europe.

My medication before starting:
Lithium, Sertralin, Amitriptylin and Lorazepam (Tavor).
None of these helped me except Tavor. I am low-dose addicted to it for over a year now and it is the only thing keeping me going. But I feel the effect getting weaker and my neurologist is not willing to increase my dose of 2mg.

I tried nearly every med in existence, therapy, ECT, Esketamine - nothing was helping. It has been three years of pure hell. Suicidal almost every day.

I did a lot of research and figured that every med I take will cause either problems with Psilocybin or cancel it's effects.

Great.
So I got off Lithium first, doing a slow tapering. This went well.
Then I stopped taking my 25mg Sertralin 3 days ago. I am in a range where withdrawal symptoms can still occur.
Right now I am getting of Amitriptylin which I only took for about 8 weeks and had nothing but side effects.
I am trying to do this rather quickly. Currently down on 25mg from 75mg.
Hopefully I can kick this tomorrow or any time soon.
I will continue Tavor and up the dosage a little if I have to.
Consulting ChatGPT for all of this was very helpful and unfortunately it told me that Tavor will reduce the effectiveness of Psilocybin as well. FML.
So GPT suggested me to take the truffles late in the evening when most of the Tavor is out of my system.

That is my plan, let's see what happens.
I posted this in the recovery section as I still have some hope but I am preparing to ctb if none of this works.

Feel free to ask me anything or share your knowledge - thank you!

The only issue with taking psilocybin at night is that it will probably keep you up. They usually suggest taking it earlier in the day. If you're microdosing, you're not supposed to take it everyday, you're supposed to do a few days on and a few days off or alternate days.
I hope it helps. Let us know how it goes :)

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I microdose every third day and switched to mornings now. There are definitely improvements in my mood.
Right now my back problems are destroying all that mental progress. It sucks to have multiple diseases. But I will continue microdosing and share my progress here.
Thank you for reading.

Try probiotics. They've found depression to show up with lack of good bacteria in the gut.

Tried it, not helping. I will also try to eat more gut healthy food. But I am done with supplements, can't afford them as well.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I switched to microdosing every second day now. I feel something is working, maybe even improving.
But my back problems, pain and fear are dragging me down massively right now.
Need to get another MRI.

Life is always fucking with me. Everytime I feel improvement I get a kick in the face from another direction.
But I will continue with psilocybin, even ordered a growkit.

 

[GeminiButter]

I switched to microdosing every second day now. I feel something is working, maybe even improving.
But my back problems, pain and fear are dragging me down massively right now.
Need to get another MRI.

Life is always fucking with me. Everytime I feel improvement I get a kick in the face from another direction.
But I will continue with psilocybin, even ordered a growkit.

I'm glad to hear that you are experiencing some improvements but sorry to hear that your pain is having such a bad impact on you. I've been there, and understand how badly chronic pain can fuck with everything.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I'm glad to hear that you are experiencing some improvements but sorry to hear that your pain is having such a bad impact on you. I've been there, and understand how badly chronic pain can fuck with everything.

Thank you so much. I hope you are doing well!

 

[rs929]

Any news?

 

[MBG]

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

If you're in the USA….

Psilocybin decriminalization in the United States - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

https://decriminalizenature.org/

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

In the USA you can buy research chemicals like 4-aco-dmt which is the active in all those mushroom chocolates and candies. It is legal.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

very suicidal due to new back problems and potential fusion surgery. I hate my fucking life. Still microdosing. This week has been pure hell

 

[MBG]

I've never heard anyone recommend or any studies about microdosing MM for someone who has MDD or who is suicidal—and you've got both. Microdosing is to slightly improve your mood, a pick me up before heading out to.work/school/etc.

"Try everything before you throw everything away."

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I've never heard anyone recommend or any studies about microdosing MM for someone who has MDD or who is suicidal—and you've got both. Microdosing is to slightly improve your mood, a pick me up before heading out to.work/school/etc.

"Try everything before you throw everything away."

I heard different things. At some point I will do a heroic dose and I heard that it is good if your body is already used to psilocybin.
I don't know, it is a last ditch effort.
I bought a growkit but might be able to buy the chocolate mushroom thingies.