Story Fix treatment resistant depression or die tryin’

[ChrisFromEarth]

This will become the story of a man trying to fix his severe treatment resistant depression by the use of Psilocybin. On his own.

This will be my last attempt, the final fight I am willing to take on. There is almost nothing left of me.
I will start by microdosing, so I acquired magic truffles, which are legal in most of Europe.

My medication before starting:
Lithium, Sertralin, Amitriptylin and Lorazepam (Tavor).
None of these helped me except Tavor. I am low-dose addicted to it for over a year now and it is the only thing keeping me going. But I feel the effect getting weaker and my neurologist is not willing to increase my dose of 2mg.

I tried nearly every med in existence, therapy, ECT, Esketamine - nothing was helping. It has been three years of pure hell. Suicidal almost every day.

I did a lot of research and figured that every med I take will cause either problems with Psilocybin or cancel it's effects.

Great.
So I got off Lithium first, doing a slow tapering. This went well.
Then I stopped taking my 25mg Sertralin 3 days ago. I am in a range where withdrawal symptoms can still occur.
Right now I am getting of Amitriptylin which I only took for about 8 weeks and had nothing but side effects.
I am trying to do this rather quickly. Currently down on 25mg from 75mg.
Hopefully I can kick this tomorrow or any time soon.
I will continue Tavor and up the dosage a little if I have to.
Consulting ChatGPT for all of this was very helpful and unfortunately it told me that Tavor will reduce the effectiveness of Psilocybin as well. FML.
So GPT suggested me to take the truffles late in the evening when most of the Tavor is out of my system.

That is my plan, let's see what happens.
I posted this in the recovery section as I still have some hope but I am preparing to ctb if none of this works.

Feel free to ask me anything or share your knowledge - thank you!

 

[divinemistress36]

You can still feel the effects with Psilocybin on psych meds its just it dulls it some so it wont be as effective but still can be. I havent had success with microdosing. I want to do a big dose but with a therapist guiding me through. Good luck hope it gives you some relief

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

You can still feel the effects with Psilocybin on psych meds its just it dulls it some so it wont be as effective but still can be. I havent had success with microdosing. I want to do a big dose but with a therapist guiding me through. Good luck hope it gives you some relief

True but it is difficult to estimate. Since my meds are not helping I decided to get rid of them.
Good luck to you too, please let me know if it helped you!

 

[rs929]

I am (almost) on the same boat. I want to try psilocybin or DMT, but I have to be off some of my meds.
I must say there is a huge tradeoff. If the meds are somewhat helping you, you risk the worst depression of your life and hence CTB'ing possibly before the psychedelics help.
That's why I'm afraid of doing it.
But if you move forward with it, I'm definitely interested in the results.
My pdoc wants to try an IMAO by the way. Have you tried them?

 

[diopdawe]

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

I am (almost) on the same boat. I want to try psilocybin or DMT, but I have to be off some of my meds.
I must say there is a huge tradeoff. If the meds are somewhat helping you, you risk the worst depression of your life and hence CTB'ing possibly before the psychedelics help.
That's why I'm afraid of doing it.
But if you move forward with it, I'm definitely interested in the results.
My pdoc wants to try an IMAO by the way. Have you tried them?

I know that feeling and it is a difficult decision. For me the depression could hardly get worse when I was on my medication so I just took the leap and hope I will not regret it.
I have not tried IMAO yet, it is the last class I might try if everything fails and I don't dare to ctb.
Do you have experience with them?

Where and how do you get Psilocybin?

I can only say that buying magic truffles is legal in my country. You can also grow mushrooms but that would be illegal

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Today I will stop taking Amitriptylin and hope all goes smoothly.
Have to admit I am nervous.
ChatGPT recommends to wait 3 days before starting the microdosing.

 

[injuredbongos]

I totally understand the "last chance" feeling. I genuinely hope you are able to find relief this way. I myself have been considering microdosing or KAT for my treatment resistant MDD. Good luck, and keep us updated as much as you are comfortable with—you got this!

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

Thank you so much!
I hope you will find some relief as well

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

It is getting difficult. I had two nights were I could not sleep without taking extra Tavor. I hope this is related to the Amitriptylin withdrawal.
Trying to stay calm.
My SN delivery arrived today, weird feeling.