Venting First vent: getting things off my chest

[stuckpotato]

My first post here, but as I'm lying in my bed just after I had a total mental breakdown I figured I could also just get things off my chest.

I really dislike myself. Ever since I moved together with my boyfriend, everything got worse. At work I feel exhausted and I barely do things right. Also I don't really get along with my coworkers. I don't have any friends, I'm just too lazy to keep contact. I can't even keep in touch with my parents as I instantly feel like it's work and purely exhausting to meet up or call. Ever since I've got into my relationship (2 years ago) I also gained a ton of weight as I overcame my ED and started taking antidepressants. I hate the way I look. For those reasons I also lost my libido and my boyfriend is unhappy with me and I can understand. Usually my functioning relationship is my reason to keep going but all I can see right now is that I'm failing at every part of my life.
I just wished there was an off-button and I would just fall asleep forever. No need to work, to get up, to fulfill other people's needs, to take any of the stress really…

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just really wish for the option to fall into an eternal sleep, the peace of eternal nothingness is all I wish for personally. It's beyond cruel to me how there's no off switch

 

[SilentAssimilation]

Bodily autonomy isn't complete without an ability to peacefully end your life. It's a form of incredible cruelty. Being forced to keep going, even though you may feel you've "had enough," Nobody can completely understand another's experience and/or suffering. While life can certainly be wonderful and filled with joy, not everyone's is. Posts on SaSu make this clear.