Hello, I'm a 20-year-old student that currently lives alone in Rome, Italy.
This post has 2 purposes. 1: Introduce myself. 2: And as a good-bye, just hoping for some company on my(hopefully)last hours.
It's gonna get long, so be prepared(also, I'm not trying to boast, or do stupid things like that). (Please don't bash on my family as well, I truly love them, they mean well for me, and helped me get over the bullied years, so don't be put off by my descriptions,).
Almost all, if not everyone in my family, both my father's side, as well as my mother's side have achieved great things with their lives. My uncle is a fairly respected CEO in Korea in his area of work, my father is a pretty high ranking diplomat, in line to be an ambassador in just a few years, my older brother is a scholarship student(half of all tuition, if I remember correctly) at a respectable University in Italy, and I could just go on. Me? well, I'm the black sheep of the family. Currently, overweight due to stress eating, struggling with school and financial issues, and a deep-set PTSD/depression from the bullying in the past, and more(before anybody thinks this is on impulse, it's not, and I've decided on this course of action after months of trying to improve my situation, but they never really helped, and after 1-2 months of deliberation, has decided on this).
Anyhow, when I was younger, I was full of hope, with big dreams of becoming an author, because I LOVED to read. But after moving around several times, without ever truly making lasting friendships, I started to feel alone, although not as much as of now. Then after returning from the US, I started to be bullied. It was a terrible time in my life, along with the bullying I received during my earlier years of elementary school(Kids can definitely be evil). I kinda got over them, with the power of music, to be specific, opera/musical singing. It definitely helped me gain the courage to be a human again, not a timid, traumatized being. Even so, I never really got over it, and parts of it always lingered. And as y'all know, Korean education is pretty damm tough, and this kind of accelerated the "bad process". Then, I moved to Italy, along with my family(older brother, mum, and dad), and was introduced to IB later on my later years of secondary school, which as y'all can guess, is pretty darn tough as well, but with the help of family, I toughened it out, ignoring the ever-growing darkness in my heart. Things started to crack after I started living alone to finish schooling after my father had to go back to Korea because his posting there has ended. And then, everything snowballed from there, to this point right now. I've tried everything, and after these events, I've decided that, with 1-2 months of careful planning and some final debating, to end it all.
I plan to go by hanging, in my room, after making peace with myself, now that I've moved on from everything else. Once I finish writing this, I plan on writing delayed emails to my family(set to be sent after 1-2 days), on my decision, polish up my suicide note, just relax for a bit, set up the SN so it'll be found eventually, and end it all. I'll be sure to update it until the end.
P.S. Mods, if I don't post for more than 24+ hours, just delete my account, please.
This post has 2 purposes. 1: Introduce myself. 2: And as a good-bye, just hoping for some company on my(hopefully)last hours.
It's gonna get long, so be prepared(also, I'm not trying to boast, or do stupid things like that). (Please don't bash on my family as well, I truly love them, they mean well for me, and helped me get over the bullied years, so don't be put off by my descriptions,).
Almost all, if not everyone in my family, both my father's side, as well as my mother's side have achieved great things with their lives. My uncle is a fairly respected CEO in Korea in his area of work, my father is a pretty high ranking diplomat, in line to be an ambassador in just a few years, my older brother is a scholarship student(half of all tuition, if I remember correctly) at a respectable University in Italy, and I could just go on. Me? well, I'm the black sheep of the family. Currently, overweight due to stress eating, struggling with school and financial issues, and a deep-set PTSD/depression from the bullying in the past, and more(before anybody thinks this is on impulse, it's not, and I've decided on this course of action after months of trying to improve my situation, but they never really helped, and after 1-2 months of deliberation, has decided on this).
Anyhow, when I was younger, I was full of hope, with big dreams of becoming an author, because I LOVED to read. But after moving around several times, without ever truly making lasting friendships, I started to feel alone, although not as much as of now. Then after returning from the US, I started to be bullied. It was a terrible time in my life, along with the bullying I received during my earlier years of elementary school(Kids can definitely be evil). I kinda got over them, with the power of music, to be specific, opera/musical singing. It definitely helped me gain the courage to be a human again, not a timid, traumatized being. Even so, I never really got over it, and parts of it always lingered. And as y'all know, Korean education is pretty damm tough, and this kind of accelerated the "bad process". Then, I moved to Italy, along with my family(older brother, mum, and dad), and was introduced to IB later on my later years of secondary school, which as y'all can guess, is pretty darn tough as well, but with the help of family, I toughened it out, ignoring the ever-growing darkness in my heart. Things started to crack after I started living alone to finish schooling after my father had to go back to Korea because his posting there has ended. And then, everything snowballed from there, to this point right now. I've tried everything, and after these events, I've decided that, with 1-2 months of careful planning and some final debating, to end it all.
I plan to go by hanging, in my room, after making peace with myself, now that I've moved on from everything else. Once I finish writing this, I plan on writing delayed emails to my family(set to be sent after 1-2 days), on my decision, polish up my suicide note, just relax for a bit, set up the SN so it'll be found eventually, and end it all. I'll be sure to update it until the end.
P.S. Mods, if I don't post for more than 24+ hours, just delete my account, please.
Last edited:
