Story Finishing treatment before ctb

[Thanatos]

I have been doing everything I can to get better for years now, following nearly every step told to me by mental health "proffessionals". Countless meds, conventional therapy, CBT, lifestyle changes, 3 inpatient admissions, and more I'm probably forgetting rn. All this has left me in worse shape than I was going into it yet I still feel the need to exhaust all possibilities of feeling better in order to reduce the guilt I feel concerning leaving my family and the few friends I have. My last effort will be with ECT over the next month or so starting this Monday. If this doesn't improve my symptoms, I will be more at peace knowing I did nearly everything I could to try to be happy. All I've ever wanted is death and am at peace with that. I will return to post my experience of the electroconvulsive therapy, and likely a goodbye not too long after that. Still kind of undecided on the method but will either be night night, partial suspension, or jumping

 

[Mbound]

I hope the ECT works for you and I admire you doing everything in your power to get better. That's really all anyone can be expected to do. I wish I had the motivation to even care about trying anymore.

 

[Thanatos]

I hope the ECT works for you and I admire you doing everything in your power to get better. That's really all anyone can be expected to do. I wish I had the motivation to even care about trying anymore.

Thanks:) I get what you mean, I'm not really trying for myself as my hope is at 0. It's more for my parents to be more at ease, I know that's what they'd want

 

[Mbound]

Thanks:) I get what you mean, I'm not really trying for myself as my hope is at 0. It's more for my parents to be more at ease, I know that's what they'd want

Me too, 100%. I've almost told them as much, but I'll do what they want for as long as I can take it and if (when, most likely) it fails I think they will at least feel like they tried what they could. It sucks when other people care about you so much more than you care about yourself...frustrating and upsetting for everyone involved.

 

[Thanatos]

3 of 12 treatments done. Still no hope and the day of or after the 12th will be my last day here I'm sure of it. End of August/beginning of September. Thought I'd be more emotional but honestly am just tired and relieved.
My next post on this thread will likely be my last.

 

[k75]

Would you mind describing what it's like to do ECT? Because I'm treatment resistant, more than one psychiatrist has recommended it for me lately. The whole concept scares me though, and I haven't really wanted to entertain the idea. I feel like it would do more harm than good, but at the same time, I'm trying to exhaust all options before I give up on treatment.

 

[Thanatos]

Would you mind describing what it's like to do ECT? Because I'm treatment resistant, more than one psychiatrist has recommended it for me lately. The whole concept scares me though, and I haven't really wanted to entertain the idea. I feel like it would do more harm than good, but at the same time, I'm trying to exhaust all options before I give up on treatment.

Okay I lied about last post I guess you seem to be in a similiar boat I was a couple months ago. The treatment goes as follows:
Wait for doctors to get ready and get iv put in with just saline, bed is wheeled to another room, nurses doctors explain what their role will be and what will happen, electrodes placed on your head(can differ depending on uni vs bilateral, I opted for the latter because it has a higher rate of success but also higher risk), anaesthisolgist administers fast acting barbiturate (general anaesthetic), you fall asleep within seconds then wake up and it's done. Only evidence that I just had an induced seizure for me is a headache and muscle stiffness. I've had no side effects thus far but am aware they can still occur. No benefit as of yet either though. Personally atm I'd say it's worth a shot if you really want to exhaust all logical options. Good luck!

 

[Thanatos]

Dont want to influence other people so just stating that this is my opinion and experience with ect. I thinks it's just more bullshit spread by doctors and has not only had no effect after 2/3 of the treatment(8/12 sessions), I feel more suicidal than ever, brain fog and memory loss and severe bouts of anger. Fuck psychiatrists, just another bs treatment. Fuck it all I'm beyond done. Not sure I'll be able to finish anymore at this rate

 

[SinisterKid]

You have given it your best efforts, no one could ask more of you. I have no idea what happens next for you, but I just hope you can find some peace.

 

[k75]

I'm so sorry it's going this way for you. I don't really have anything helpful to say, I totally empathize with what you're going through. I know that doesn't help you at all but...