Finding the courage

[Hellonearth]

I don't often post here, but I'm just simmering in my own thoughts and I thought I'd share...

For 2 years now, I've been living with the possibility that something terrible might happen to me at any moment. This is due to a really shit addiction which I have somehow managed to sustain without suffering any consequences. However when those consequences occur, they will ruin my life and - more importantly - the lives of those around me.

I've known for a long time that the only reasonable thing to do is to kill myself before things turn nuclear, but I've been putting it off, hoping the courage would somehow make an appearance. If I have to live with the guilt of ruining the lives of those I love that would be worse than any suicide-related trauma I could experience.

This is logically sound, but for some reason I still haven't played the last card available to me.

Have any of you found an absolute resolve to commit suicide? How did you arrive there?

 

[AloneInCollege]

This probably isn't that helpful, but I think that the people who built up the courage to do it are no longer here. And I think it differs for everyone. It's based on you and your experiences and mental state. Unfortunately there isn't one definite way to psyched up.

 

[Euthanza]

I don't often post here, but I'm just simmering in my own thoughts and I thought I'd share...

For 2 years now, I've been living with the possibility that something terrible might happen to me at any moment. This is due to a really shit addiction which I have somehow managed to sustain without suffering any consequences. However when those consequences occur, they will ruin my life and - more importantly - the lives of those around me.

I've known for a long time that the only reasonable thing to do is to kill myself before things turn nuclear, but I've been putting it off, hoping the courage would somehow make an appearance. If I have to live with the guilt of ruining the lives of those I love that would be worse than any suicide-related trauma I could experience.

This is logically sound, but for some reason I still haven't played the last card available to me.

Have any of you found an absolute resolve to commit suicide? How did you arrive there?

I choose my own time limit, I simply do, if I'm not dying naturally in 3-4 years then I'll take things by my own hand. It's a form of ageism but not ageism as common people know and define. I believe everyone has different timeline and it's absolutely personal objective preference because our time living on earth is shortly observable and limited, the chances I have here are common to predict on personal level; Unless you compare yourself to others especially with those who have the privilege to work for game changing giant projects, then it may become relative challenging.

Can I fulfill my words then? I wish god I will, and I'm gonna try my best as I have nothing else to pursue. If I get luck then I'll be in vacation a bit before CTB, however at the least I will CTB on my own time and terms of choosing.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I don't often post here, but I'm just simmering in my own thoughts and I thought I'd share...

For 2 years now, I've been living with the possibility that something terrible might happen to me at any moment. This is due to a really shit addiction which I have somehow managed to sustain without suffering any consequences. However when those consequences occur, they will ruin my life and - more importantly - the lives of those around me.

I've known for a long time that the only reasonable thing to do is to kill myself before things turn nuclear, but I've been putting it off, hoping the courage would somehow make an appearance. If I have to live with the guilt of ruining the lives of those I love that would be worse than any suicide-related trauma I could experience.

This is logically sound, but for some reason I still haven't played the last card available to me.

Have any of you found an absolute resolve to commit suicide? How did you arrive there?

What is your addiction?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

How bad does bad have to be before one says they've finally had enough and can't take anymore? All of your residual hope has to die and you need to hit some kind of rock bottom, some breaking point. Everyone arrives at it in their own time, or doesn't arrive there at all, even if they want to be there. My life situation and circumstances outside my life, that I didn't even see coming, just happened to converge. It's like the decision to ctb was made for me. I've gone round and round, weighing reasons to stay, and weighing reasons I need to go, and the multitude of reasons to go, after deep, thoughtful reflection are the ones weighing heavily on one side of the balance scale. As a matter of fact, they (reasons to go) are the ONLY reasons on the balance scale. I couldn't come up with even one reason to stay. I guess that's when I knew. When my resolve came to be. I didn't push it at all. It all happened organically for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

If someone has found the resolve to commit suicide I doubt they would be around to post about it, they would not be here anymore, I agree with the first reply to this thread. Of course suicide can be very difficult as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. In my opinion, it's certainly not easy leaving this world.

I do think that many people manage to go through with it when they are desperate and all they want is to escape. Maybe some people finally get the courage when they have a method plan and they are confident that it would succeed. If I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit, I would be gone. I just think that only the individual knows when it's time to leave, it's a feeling that they have.