Finally ordered my SN

[nowayout*]

I kept going to the website and getting halfway through it then stopping I've been doing that for months. Probably would have saved alot of money had I not hesitated so many times. Yesterday I got pretty low and anxious went out back with my 9mm but couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. I walked outside literally 4 times trying to get the courage to do it. It just wasn't there so I came to terms with it will be alot easier for me to drink something rather than use a violent method. There's just to many what ifs when using a gun. And I really didn't want my family to find me like that either. I wish this wasn't so hard I wish things were different so I didn't have to end everything. I love my family I got everything I ever wanted in that department. But I'm so deep in debt there's no way out and constantly feeling like it's just going to continue to get worse. I just can't keep going on feeling like this every second of everyday.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I know it can be awful to dread the future. It is perfectly understandable wishing that things were different, the truth is that life is very cruel and unfair. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Sherri]

I have all my sn kit eve since I joined sn. I'm sorry you the hard times you facing, whatever path you chose I wish you think very well about it. If you decide to stay a bit longer that's is also ok. I will respect whatever decision you make. A big hug.

 

[nowayout*]

I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I know it can be awful to dread the future. It is perfectly understandable wishing that things were different, the truth is that life is very cruel and unfair. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you! I wish you the best too.

I have all my sn kit eve since I joined sn. I'm sorry you the hard times you facing, whatever path you chose I wish you think very well about it. If you decide to stay a bit longer that's is also ok. I will respect whatever decision you make. A big hug.

Thanks! Big hug back. I've been putting this off for months now it just doesn't seem like it can get any better.

 

[Onthe29th]

Cool and you may find that it's easier for you to live knowing that you can peacefully ctb at any time.

 

[nowayout*]

Update: my SN will be here today or tomorrow unfortunately my husband is now at home from work due to covid. I have no idea how I will explain the shipment. Hopefully it just fits in the mailbox and they don't bring it to the door. Kinda freaking out now.

 

[Yagami]

Update: my SN will be here today or tomorrow unfortunately my husband is now at home from work due to covid. I have no idea how I will explain the shipment. Hopefully it just fits in the mailbox and they don't bring it to the door. Kinda freaking out now.

Explain it as a gift for a friend? Or something they wanted shipped to your place because they are usually away and don't want their package stolen? If you do need to make an excuse, don't overexplain.

 

[Dot]

Update: my SN will be here today or tomorrow unfortunately my husband is now at home from work due to covid. I have no idea how I will explain the shipment. Hopefully it just fits in the mailbox and they don't bring it to the door. Kinda freaking out now.

Whre u ordr frm e.g i.c or jngle

 

[nowayout*]

Whre u ordr frm e.g i.c or jngle

I.c

 

[nowayout*]

Explain it as a gift for a friend? Or something they wanted shipped to your place because they are usually away and don't want their package stolen? If you do need to make an excuse, don't overexplain.

Thanks I keep trying to figure out who'd I say it was for but so far it just seems it would be suspicious either way. Also thought about intercepting it and saying it was a gift for him. But I haven't gotten him a gift yet so I wouldn't have anything to trade it out for when valentine's day comes.

 

[rationaltake]

I was wondering if debt is your reason to ctb? I understand it might not be as simple as that.

 

[nowayout*]

I was wondering if debt is your reason to ctb? I understand it might not be as simple as that.

Debt is a huge part as well as I've made some mistakes at work which will most likely leave me without a job. The anxiety and depression from everything is to much to handle. There's alot more to it but that sums it up.

I was wondering if debt is your reason to ctb? I understand it might not be as simple as that.

The thing is I don't really want to die. I just feel like I have to if that makes any sense probably doesn't.

 

[rationaltake]

Debt is a huge part as well as I've made some mistakes at work which will most likely leave me without a job. The anxiety and depression from everything is to much to handle. There's alot more to it but that sums it up.

Thanks for replying. I wondered if any of your reasons for ctb were remotely fixable. I just got the impression you'd rather not go. If only things could work out for you.

 

[nowayout*]

Thanks for replying. I wondered if any of your reasons for ctb were remotely fixable. I just got the impression you'd rather not go. If only things could work out for you.

I've looked into fixing them haven't found any way to. If I would have been able to I wouldn't be going. Unfortunatley I feel I'm out of options.

 

[rationaltake]

I've looked into fixing them haven't found any way to. If I would have been able to I wouldn't be going. Unfortunatley I feel I'm out of options.

So sorry. I understand how that feels. Have you told anyone about your situation with debt and work?

 

[Blacklight]

I kept going to the website and getting halfway through it then stopping I've been doing that for months. Probably would have saved alot of money had I not hesitated so many times. Yesterday I got pretty low and anxious went out back with my 9mm but couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. I walked outside literally 4 times trying to get the courage to do it. It just wasn't there so I came to terms with it will be alot easier for me to drink something rather than use a violent method. There's just to many what ifs when using a gun. And I really didn't want my family to find me like that either. I wish this wasn't so hard I wish things were different so I didn't have to end everything. I love my family I got everything I ever wanted in that department. But I'm so deep in debt there's no way out and constantly feeling like it's just going to continue to get worse. I just can't keep going on feeling like this every second of everyday.

Damn, this was like I was talking to myself. Drove myself to suicide/depression because of gambling debt. You should speak to a bankruptcy lawyer. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel. If they don't give you the answer you want then maybe you can continue to try and ctb.

 

[nowayout*]

I've looked into fixing them haven't found any way to. If I would have been able to I wouldn't be going. Unfortunatley I feel I'm out of options.

So sorry. I understand how that feels. Have you told anyone about your situation with debt and work?

Yes I just haven't told anyone about what I'm planning on doing.

 

[nowayout*]

Update: retrieved it successfully without anyone seeing. It is small like an envelope. Was freaking out about nothing.