After many years of toing and froing I think I will do it soon. I feel at peace right now about it, despite being sad and in pain. I think Ive finally realised now nothings going to change. It's been really difficult, being unable to make a decision. I understand the relentless prolifism espoused by our society. But I'm not sure how they expect people to keep living 'just because'. I've tried so hard. It's made it worse to keep being brainwashed that living is always better. I don't belong here. I don't know how I can keep living with this relentless emotional pain. Sometimes I cry all day when I'm supposed to be working (at home). And no one cares anymore. I just worry about what I will leave behind. I wish it wasn't this way. I wish I was loved and accepted. I just don't want to leave pain behind. But what can I do? It's been a hard decision. Thanks for reading my thoughts 
