Finally got SN

[lonesomedefeat]

So, after months and months of lurking on this site, staying up late researching CTB methods; unable to decide on a method, or even decide whether I really wanted to CTB or not, I finally brought SN around two weeks ago, and received it a few days back. I'm planning on using it in a few months tops, and after getting Metoclopramide and maybe testing the SN.

Its reliving, honestly, to finally have the SN with me. To know that it will all be over soon, and the all of your suffering, all of your sorrows, your troubles, fears, and the constant, existentially painful body horror that comes from having a body that isn't yours, will all fade into nothingness. Some part of me wishes that things could have turned out differently, but for the most part I don't think that this existence, filled to the brim with suffering, pain and injustice is worth it to me; I just want to get it over with.

There's this unique sense of peace and comfort I find in death that I can't really feel anywhere else. I suppose I'm probably not the only one here who feels the same.

I don't know why I'm writing this post, to be honest. Guess I just wanted someone to know about this, even if it is just strangers on the internet. There's not many places except this
on the internet or irl where you can discuss all this freely and without judgement...

 

[Holu]

While it's kind of grim, I have seen many people react similarly when they get their method lol. There's something comforting about having an out prepared, almost as if it's some sort of shield from if a crisis hits you.

Somethings to make sure are now is your purity if you aren't already aware and maybe be cognizant of potential government interference through welfare checks. Back when IC leaked, people got the knocks and checkups. Its important to remember you don't have to talk with LEOs, and also you can just deny ever receiving such package.

Stay safe and stay secure. And you are always welcome to share! Many if not all of us are glad to know how you are doing, even if we are just strangers on the internet.

 

[Griever]

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so relieved as for me ceasing to exist would be the relief as well, I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity with no more pain and no more suffering, I just wish for peace from the futile and torturous burden of existence that I just never would had chosen in the first place, non-existence is all I personally see as desirable, I wish you the best.

 

[RibbonAmia]

I understand. I've felt the same way too whenever I figure out how to make a method actually work, or I recieve something for the method I'm looking for. I hope all goes well with you. And I fully agree with the last part you wrote ↓

There's not many places except this
on the internet or irl where you can discuss all this freely and without judgement...

That fact is comforting to me too.
Either way, I hope all goes well with you. Also I like your profile picture. :D

 

[LostLily]

Jealous. I just want the relief of knowing if I can't control life. Then I can control my death.

 

[lonesomedefeat]

While it's kind of grim, I have seen many people react similarly when they get their method lol. There's something comforting about having an out prepared, almost as if it's some sort of shield from if a crisis hits you.

Somethings to make sure are now is your purity if you aren't already aware and maybe be cognizant of potential government interference through welfare checks. Back when IC leaked, people got the knocks and checkups. Its important to remember you don't have to talk with LEOs, and also you can just deny ever receiving such package.

Stay safe and stay secure. And you are always welcome to share! Many if not all of us are glad to know how you are doing, even if we are just strangers on the internet.

Thank you for the kind words! And yeah, testing the purity is something I am planning to do, just need to buy the test strips and a scale. Thanks for the heads up about the welfare checks aswell, they're not really applicable to me cause I live in a crappy third world country lol (no one here even knows that SN can be used for suicide) but still, Thanks!

I understand why you'd feel so relieved as for me ceasing to exist would be the relief as well, I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity with no more pain and no more suffering, I just wish for peace from the futile and torturous burden of existence that I just never would had chosen in the first place, non-existence is all I personally see as desirable, I wish you the best.

Thank you! Its honestly the same for me. If I had a choice, I too, would have chosen a painless eternity of unconsciousness over this.
I've seen alot of your posts in the time I've been lurking on this site, and I sincerely hope that you find the peace you're looking for one day. Best of luck to you too!

I understand. I've felt the same way too whenever I figure out how to make a method actually work, or I recieve something for the method I'm looking for. I hope all goes well with you. And I fully agree with the last part you wrote ↓

That fact is comforting to me too.
Either way, I hope all goes well with you. Also I like your profile picture. :D

Thanks! I totally did not spend more time than I'd like to admit making it lol. Yours is really cool too!

Jealous. I just want the relief of knowing if I can't control life. Then I can control my death.

True, there is a great degree of comfort in having control over ones death, even when one has little or no control over their life, I relate to that alot. Hope that you find that relief some day