Finally got my SN, leaving soon.

[ChocoPie]

Guys, I'm happier these days, I got my SN yesterday and now I'm planning to attempt this month or in next month, I will do this when my parents will leave home for some hours, I'm a bit anxious abt it...I wish it won't be too uncomfortable and I'll die quickly, I'll need all my courage for that. I keep telling myself I can do it. It feels like all burdens have been lifted from my shoulders, now I'm thinking should I destroy my diaries and journals or not.... I've been writing/venting in them for years, it won't be very easy, like what if I survive and my diaries and journals r all gone ? That's very terrifying to me.
I hope I won't chicken out in the last moment.

This was the only place I could talk freely abt my SI, thanks everyone, it was nice knowing you all.

 

[bankai]

Did you end up buying it? I remember you saying that you were trying to get it from a school.

I don't want the source, I just want to know how did you end up getting it because you were struggling with that.

You're pretty young. That's the only thing I'll say. If you don't mind me asking. What is your biggest hurdle? I'm not being critical . I just genuinely want to know.I've seen you complain about your mother.

 

[ChocoPie]

Yea, I bought it, I went there and couldn't find it in the school, I didn't realise it was so easy to get in the shops where I live.
Uhhhh, my biggest struggle? Hmm, my mom scolds me to study these days and says the consequences would be very bad for me if I don't pass the exam....
But it is not just one reason, I've always hated myself, I keep falling in depression periodically, my mind doesn't shut up and the only thought that helps is - I can just end it, I hate life in general, I wouldn't live even if my situation got better- I wouldn't be able to change my mind and I don't even need to.
There r many many reasons that have lead to these but I'm not sure if I should post them all in here, I will just regret it later.

 

[Janet95]

Hi I'm so sorry to interrupt, I'm new here and I'm not sure how this works. I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything, just wanted to talk a little bit before it's too late if you're ok with it. I just wanted to say that I'm sincerely sorry for your pain and for your struggles... and I'm interested to know what made you take this decision, if you're comfortable sharing it. I don't believe I can help with that, but maybe sharing it will relieve the pain at least a little bit, knowing there is someone that wants to listen, even though this won't ultimately affect your decision

 

[ChocoPie]

Did you end up buying it? I remember you saying that you were trying to get it from a school.

I don't want the source, I just want to know how did you end up getting it because you were struggling with that.

You're pretty young. That's the only thing I'll say. If you don't mind me asking. What is your biggest hurdle? I'm not being critical . I just genuinely want to know.I've seen you complain about your mother.

I'm surprised u remembered my posts, does it have something do with my name, since u loved ur Belgian cold Chocolate pie so much ? And my user name is kinda similar..

Oh god, I'm sorry I had to do this, I tried to joke, I don't wanna come out as rude, I saw ur post abt ur love for ice creams so......

Hi I'm so sorry to interrupt, I'm new here and I'm not sure how this works. I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything, just wanted to talk a little bit before it's too late if you're ok with it. I just wanted to say that I'm sincerely sorry for your pain and for your struggles... and I'm interested to know what made you take this decision, if you're comfortable sharing it. I don't believe I can help with that, but maybe sharing it will relieve the pain at least a little bit, knowing there is someone that wants to listen, even though this won't ultimately affect your decision

Aww, thank you so much !
I'll come to u if I feel anxious anytime, u r such a sweet person..

 

[Janet95]

I'd be more glad to support you, I mean it. Idk if there is a dm feature on this site though

 

[ChocoPie]

I'd be more glad to support you, I mean it. Idk if there is a dm feature on this site though

Yes, there is way we can chat privately, wait I'll msg u in a sec but....oh wait no, u r new, right?
I think we have wait 24 hours before u can talk to Someone privately.

 

[Janet95]

Thank you!
I'll dm you tomorrow if you're ok with it

 

[ChocoPie]

Thank you!
I'll dm you tomorrow if you're ok with it

Okaaay

 

[Janet95]

I hope until then you won't have to suffer much

 

[ChocoPie]

Yea, I'm trying my best to push away any negative thoughts, I keep telling myself it's fine now that I will leave very soon.

 

[bankai]

I'm surprised u remembered my posts, does it have something do with my name, since u loved ur Belgium cold Chocolate pie so much ? And my user name is kinda similar..

Oh god, I'm sorry I had to do this, I tried to joke, I don't wanna come out as rude, I saw ur post abt ur love for ice creams so......

Oh damn,lol.
You put a big grin on my face. Thank you.

It's hard to forget someone when they post their ID card for the entire site to see.

Kidding lol,just joking around with you

But don't remind me about ice creams, please. I'm trying to forget them, it's not easy.

 

[Janet95]

Stay strong I believe in you

 

[ChocoPie]

Oh damn,lol.
You put a big grin on my face. Thank you.

It's hard to forget someone when they post their ID card for the entire site to see.

Kidding lol,just joking around with you

But don't remind me about ice creams, please. I'm trying to forget them, it's not easy.

Oh damn, u saw THAT ?
It's so so embarassing....
it was deleted in minutes after I posted...I did that bcz I couldn't send it through DM for some reason and I was so afraid that my account would be taken down if I didn't do it on time, I can't believe somebody actually saw that.

Fiiine, no more reminders abt ice creams, I know u r weak when it comes to sweets.

 

[Janet95]

Just realized I could actually message you on telegram or instagram if you're comfortable enough, otherwise I promise I'll be back tomorrow no pressure

 

[ChocoPie]

Just realized I could actually message you on telegram or instagram if you're comfortable enough, otherwise I promise I'll be back tomorrow no pressure

Sorry, I don't use either of them...

 

[bankai]

Oh damn, u saw THAT ?
It's so so embarassing....
it was deleted in minutes after I posted...I did that bcz I couldn't send it through DM for some reason and I was so afraid that my account would be taken down if I didn't do it on time, I can't believe somebody actually saw that.

Fiiine, no more reminders abt ice creams, I know u r weak when it comes to sweets.

Fine, you got yourself a deal. I won't bring up your ID card anymore and you don't talk about my sweet addiction.

 

[Janet95]

Sorry, I don't use either of them...

Oh, no problem really. I promise then I'll be back tomorrow 100% if you're still up for a chat

 

[BradGuy123]

Guys, I'm happier these days, I got my SN yesterday and now I'm planning to attempt this month or in next month, I will do this when my parents will leave home for some hours, I'm a bit anxious abt it...I wish it won't be too uncomfortable and I'll die quickly, I'll need all my courage for that. I keep telling myself I can do it. It feels like all burdens have been lifted from my shoulders, now I'm thinking wheather I should destroy my diaries and journals or not.... I've been writing/venting in them for years, it won't be very easy, like what if I survive and my diaries and journals r all gone ? That's very terrifying to me.
I hope I won't chicken out in the last moment.

This was the only place I could talk freely abt my SI, thanks everyone, it was nice knowing you all.

I hope you mind me asking this question or if you consider it too invasive. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? You mentioned living with your parents. I had a very difficult time as a teenager and young adult so I can relate to how you're feeling. If you feel that this question is too personal I apologize and you can simply ignore this reply. I wish you all the best.

 

[Zyntkalla]

Guys, I'm happier these days, I got my SN yesterday and now I'm planning to attempt this month or in next month, I will do this when my parents will leave home for some hours, I'm a bit anxious abt it...I wish it won't be too uncomfortable and I'll die quickly, I'll need all my courage for that. I keep telling myself I can do it. It feels like all burdens have been lifted from my shoulders, now I'm thinking wheather I should destroy my diaries and journals or not.... I've been writing/venting in them for years, it won't be very easy, like what if I survive and my diaries and journals r all gone ? That's very terrifying to me.
I hope I won't chicken out in the last moment.

This was the only place I could talk freely abt my SI, thanks everyone, it was nice knowing you all.

I would like the source of the sn if you don't mind. I did have one but I can't seem to find it anymore. And it was hard to find.

 

[unluckysadness]

That's good if you found SN. But remember : there's no hurry to leave. Now you have your bus ticket. SN has a 5 years shelf life.
I have mine in a good place and It reassures me to have it.

I read that most people who got N in hands had an instant relief, and do not end up using it (or use it late because of illness or old age). Having a ready method is like having a good insurance to me. That said, if it's your time to leave, I wish you peace Take care

Hi I'm so sorry to interrupt, I'm new here and I'm not sure how this works. I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything, just wanted to talk a little bit before it's too late if you're ok with it. I just wanted to say that I'm sincerely sorry for your pain and for your struggles... and I'm interested to know what made you take this decision, if you're comfortable sharing it. I don't believe I can help with that, but maybe sharing it will relieve the pain at least a little bit, knowing there is someone that wants to listen, even though this won't ultimately affect your decision

Well said, Janet So many young ladies here (it breaks my heart) but I respect every decision. No judgement here. I send hugs to everyone is suffering (looks like a little bit childish but I'm sincere)