FINALLY.. FOR REAL THIS TIME!!! (sn)

[_elliott]

after a LOT of bullshit.. my SN is here. found it on some WEIRD fishing site in my town—no joke, and it's a huge thing of SN for curing FISH EGGS… i thought it was a fucking joke. 99% pure, 32 OZ for like, 14 dollars? no real labels or anything either, besides just "don't fucking eat this idiot."

nah. no it's REAL. tested it against some of my blood, turned brown IMMEDIATELY. the other sodium nitrate does NOT do that. seriously. i'm fucking shocked. you should've seen me, so happy and shaking i was going to CRY. the end is so close.

i was going to commit the 12th of november, but it looks like i have plans with friends. we will see what goes on. i might do it earlier, or later. but oh my god. knowing i have reliable peace.. i've had SIX suicide attempts this year. fucking SIX. i survived over 200MG of god damn OXYCODONE, CAT MEDICATION, AND A LETHAL AMOUNT OF ADHD MEDS, for fucks sake, amongst other things. and oh my god. i'm finally going to die.

my one hope is i get to be a ghost. that's it. i just want to watch the world with no pain. casually knock shit around my old friend's rooms to remind them i'm still here and happy. just i can't be happy living. i just can't.

i know thats stupid, and i don't even believe in ghosts, nor that any can do that, but if there is an afterlife, hell, if there is one thing that god can grant me, if he IS real, it's that. i just want that. then i can be happy.

i'm just so happy. it's so close i literally can taste it. salty. it's so salty.

i've always liked salt.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be a relief to have a way to exit this world. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[_elliott]

I can imagine that it must be a relief to have a way to exit this world. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

thank you so much. i just feel better living knowing i can go out. there's some things i still want to do, i'm going to try and do them before i go. but i'm just so happy knowing if it gets really rough before then, i will finally be okay. that's just all i need--reliability. it makes me feel so much safer going through the pain

 

[rationaltake]

Six attempts is beyond hard. All the best.

 

[_elliott]

Six attempts is beyond hard. All the best.

thank you. this recent one was beyond traumatizing, literally tore everything away from me. not letting that happen again. last time i let anyone know what's going on. i'd rather just silently overdose and go to work in the morning like all the other times

 

[marinekiwi]

With SN by your side now, I'm sure you will achieve peace at last.
Hope you find relief in your travel, friend.

 

[Someone123]

after a LOT of bullshit.. my SN is here. found it on some WEIRD fishing site in my town—no joke, and it's a huge thing of SN for curing FISH EGGS… i thought it was a fucking joke. 99% pure, 32 OZ for like, 14 dollars? no real labels or anything either, besides just "don't fucking eat this idiot."

nah. no it's REAL. tested it against some of my blood, turned brown IMMEDIATELY. the other sodium nitrate does NOT do that. seriously. i'm fucking shocked. you should've seen me, so happy and shaking i was going to CRY. the end is so close.

i was going to commit the 12th of november, but it looks like i have plans with friends. we will see what goes on. i might do it earlier, or later. but oh my god. knowing i have reliable peace.. i've had SIX suicide attempts this year. fucking SIX. i survived over 200MG of god damn OXYCODONE, CAT MEDICATION, AND A LETHAL AMOUNT OF ADHD MEDS, for fucks sake, amongst other things. and oh my god. i'm finally going to die.

my one hope is i get to be a ghost. that's it. i just want to watch the world with no pain. casually knock shit around my old friend's rooms to remind them i'm still here and happy. just i can't be happy living. i just can't.

i know thats stupid, and i don't even believe in ghosts, nor that any can do that, but if there is an afterlife, hell, if there is one thing that god can grant me, if he IS real, it's that. i just want that. then i can be happy.

i'm just so happy. it's so close i literally can taste it. salty. it's so salty.

i've always liked salt.

Based on ndes- near death experiences- there is at least hope that the next life can be a lot better.

 

[rationaltake]

thank you. this recent one was beyond traumatizing, literally tore everything away from me. not letting that happen again. last time i let anyone know what's going on. i'd rather just silently overdose and go to work in the morning like all the other times

It takes a lot to carry on. And to work as well.

 

[_elliott]

It takes a lot to carry on. And to work as well.

thank you for acknowledging that. i'm just so tired of working. i deserve to rest.
it's why i want to be a ghost. i just don't want to have to work anymore.

 

[rationaltake]

thank you for acknowledging that. i'm just so tired of working. i deserve to rest.
it's why i want to be a ghost. i just don't want to have to work anymore.

I get it. From personal experience.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

You really seem excited. I am glad you get to feel excitement and happiness for some time before you go.
Congrats to you on getting that, the fact that you got it from that gives me an idea of where to get it. Perhaps I can still use SN, but heavily doubt it. Don't lose anything by doing research.

Best of luck.

 

[Someone123]

thank you for acknowledging that. i'm just so tired of working. i deserve to rest.
it's why i want to be a ghost. i just don't want to have to work anymore.

You may want to view some nde videos on the most popular video site- I do prefer the non-religious ones, there are some of each- who knows for sure what happens next- some of these might give some hope about what happens next.

 

[fox_wannabe]

after a LOT of bullshit.. my SN is here. found it on some WEIRD fishing site in my town—no joke, and it's a huge thing of SN for curing FISH EGGS… i thought it was a fucking joke. 99% pure, 32 OZ for like, 14 dollars? no real labels or anything either, besides just "don't fucking eat this idiot."

nah. no it's REAL. tested it against some of my blood, turned brown IMMEDIATELY. the other sodium nitrate does NOT do that. seriously. i'm fucking shocked. you should've seen me, so happy and shaking i was going to CRY. the end is so close.

i was going to commit the 12th of november, but it looks like i have plans with friends. we will see what goes on. i might do it earlier, or later. but oh my god. knowing i have reliable peace.. i've had SIX suicide attempts this year. fucking SIX. i survived over 200MG of god damn OXYCODONE, CAT MEDICATION, AND A LETHAL AMOUNT OF ADHD MEDS, for fucks sake, amongst other things. and oh my god. i'm finally going to die.

my one hope is i get to be a ghost. that's it. i just want to watch the world with no pain. casually knock shit around my old friend's rooms to remind them i'm still here and happy. just i can't be happy living. i just can't.

i know thats stupid, and i don't even believe in ghosts, nor that any can do that, but if there is an afterlife, hell, if there is one thing that god can grant me, if he IS real, it's that. i just want that. then i can be happy.

i'm just so happy. it's so close i literally can taste it. salty. it's so salty.

i've always liked salt.

Brother I have also survived many attempts, although It was mostly partial hanging I had Sn but didn't want to take it in the forest. I aslo want to ctb tommorow-12th november. I booked hotel room. I am just not sure I will finally do It. I do not have any hope to change underlying problem, so I want to ctb. My family is also the problem, they worry about me, but cannot help me.

 

[_elliott]

Brother I have also survived many attempts, although It was mostly partial hanging I had Sn but didn't want to take it in the forest. I aslo want to ctb tommorow-12th november. I booked hotel room. I am just not sure I will finally do It. I do not have any hope to change underlying problem, so I want to ctb. My family is also the problem, they worry about me, but cannot help me.

well, hey, the booked hotel room is a good start.

i will say this about the caring part--i also have a lot of people who care about me, worry about me, and want to help. and if they want to help you, they'll understand why you want peace instead of trying to make you live. if you, genuinely, think the only way to get out of the pain you're in is by committing, then if they care they will let you go, and support you. you are an adult, you have the right as a human being to end something you were nonconsentually brought into. even if they don't want to see you go, they should understand. that is the best help of all. good luck and safe travels.

personally, i am CBT w SN in a part of my old town. i can't catch the bus late enough, so i'm finding a quiet place to walk to and do it. my family, friends, also want me to stay alive. sometimes the best way to help yourself is to be selfish. suicide is almost as selfish as being born, but at least with CTB, you are finally consenting. this is your choice. don't view it as a weakness. the problems you have aren't your fault. you never chose to be born. sometimes being selfish is the most selfless act of all. treat yourself, love yourself. if you are exhausted, stand and view what you need to let yourself rest. for me? i just want peace. i cannot fix my problems, or at least will not be able too for a long, long time. it hurts the people i love, and it hurts myself. everyone wants me to love myself like they love me--and i will love myself by finally passing. i am not afraid of death, not at all, i just haven't done it because i am not sure what i want to happen after death will happen. think about it. what do you want? what are you hoping for after death? why can't you do it? why do you want to? what will help you love yourself? what will bring you peace? what will make you okay?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm happy you've found a source and feel some relief.

For me, just finding this website and learning about reliable methods was a massive relief.

 

[Labean]

Держись, друг. У вас есть то, что вам нужно, это поможет вам легче смотреть на трудности, которые вас окружают.

 

[fox_wannabe]

well, hey, the booked hotel room is a good start.

i will say this about the caring part--i also have a lot of people who care about me, worry about me, and want to help. and if they want to help you, they'll understand why you want peace instead of trying to make you live. if you, genuinely, think the only way to get out of the pain you're in is by committing, then if they care they will let you go, and support you. you are an adult, you have the right as a human being to end something you were nonconsentually brought into. even if they don't want to see you go, they should understand. that is the best help of all. good luck and safe travels.

personally, i am CBT w SN in a part of my old town. i can't catch the bus late enough, so i'm finding a quiet place to walk to and do it. my family, friends, also want me to stay alive. sometimes the best way to help yourself is to be selfish. suicide is almost as selfish as being born, but at least with CTB, you are finally consenting. this is your choice. don't view it as a weakness. the problems you have aren't your fault. you never chose to be born. sometimes being selfish is the most selfless act of all. treat yourself, love yourself. if you are exhausted, stand and view what you need to let yourself rest. for me? i just want peace. i cannot fix my problems, or at least will not be able too for a long, long time. it hurts the people i love, and it hurts myself. everyone wants me to love myself like they love me--and i will love myself by finally passing. i am not afraid of death, not at all, i just haven't done it because i am not sure what i want to happen after death will happen. think about it. what do you want? what are you hoping for after death? why can't you do it? why do you want to? what will help you love yourself? what will bring you peace? what will make you okay?

Thank you, I was thinking the same way beforehand. It is just their worry is so overwhelming because they worry about me all the time. It is like I am something that went wrong and in their mind I am in wrong spot. I did not choose to be born, and If I did I would know about it. I do not know what is my purpose because I have non. I am just riding till death, binging on internet and games distracting myself from thing I have to do to stay alive in long term.

I think I will write second suicide note explaining It. It might be hard for them, but it is true. Thanks for the comment I really appreciate that.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Just wanna say, I really appreciated reading your perspective. You sound like a sweet person and I wish you all the best. I always felt like it was such an oddly specific desire but I want to be a ghost too haha. Just to let the people I love know that I'm ok and still with them in some capacity. But it just feels like wishful thinking for the most part, I don't know if I believe in any of that. No way to know unfortunately.

 

[_elliott]

Держись, друг. У вас есть то, что вам нужно, это поможет вам легче смотреть на трудности, которые вас окружают.

Мой русский очень ржавый, но спасибо. Я буду держать это в своих мыслях.

Just wanna say, I really appreciated reading your perspective. You sound like a sweet person and I wish you all the best. I always felt like it was such an oddly specific desire but I want to be a ghost too haha. Just to let the people I love know that I'm ok and still with them in some capacity. But it just feels like wishful thinking for the most part, I don't know if I believe in any of that. No way to know unfortunately.

thank you!

i wish i could just know. i believe spirits are real to an extent, but i really just want to watch the ones i love grow up. i want to basically be like i am now just… unseen. no pain, no responsibility. maybe interact very little with the world, move things around here or there, show signs that i'm watching everyone. i just cannot handle the responsibilities of life, and frankly i don't think i should have to.

i love life. i love nature, and even i do love the people around me. but i'm not able to appreciate it with these problems i can't fix. i think if i could just be unseen but know i'm remembered, and that those i love are happy, i feel like that's good enough. i just cannot help them when i'm alive. i feel like, if i was dead, and moving things around to show them i'm watching them, it would be much more helpful and hopeful than any words i could ever pass to them. i don't know why that is, and maybe it's sad, but think about it: when an artist dies, everything they've done becomes more memorable, and meaningful. it's just the truth.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

thank you!

i wish i could just know. i believe spirits are real to an extent, but i really just want to watch the ones i love grow up. i want to basically be like i am now just… unseen. no pain, no responsibility. maybe interact very little with the world, move things around here or there, show signs that i'm watching everyone. i just cannot handle the responsibilities of life, and frankly i don't think i should have to.

i love life. i love nature, and even i do love the people around me. but i'm not able to appreciate it with these problems i can't fix. i think if i could just be unseen but know i'm remembered, and that those i love are happy, i feel like that's good enough. i just cannot help them when i'm alive. i feel like, if i was dead, and moving things around to show them i'm watching them, it would be much more helpful and hopeful than any words i could ever pass to them. i don't know why that is, and maybe it's sad, but think about it: when an artist dies, everything they've done becomes more memorable, and meaningful. it's just the truth.

Yeah for sure. Having a body really blows. I know it's cliche, but I already feel like a ghost to a degree, watching those around me be happy and being unable to participate in that joy most of the time. That's one of my main motivators for ctb, I've always felt this way. Same goes for the artist thing too. I want my having existed to mean something good to the people around me, even though my death will hurt them, because for me it just feels like a lot of loneliness and suffering with little payoff.

 

[xLosthopex]

I also want to become a ghost, so I can haunt people I don't like :)
I don't actually believe in ghosts either(I'm an atheist) but it's fun to imagine

 

[fox_wannabe]

I will not do sn, and not rn. Life is quite ok for me I just have really bad anxiety. But also bpd so it can change at any moment.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Мой русский очень ржавый, но спасибо. Я буду держать это в своих мыслях.



thank you!

i wish i could just know. i believe spirits are real to an extent, but i really just want to watch the ones i love grow up. i want to basically be like i am now just… unseen. no pain, no responsibility. maybe interact very little with the world, move things around here or there, show signs that i'm watching everyone. i just cannot handle the responsibilities of life, and frankly i don't think i should have to.

i love life. i love nature, and even i do love the people around me. but i'm not able to appreciate it with these problems i can't fix. i think if i could just be unseen but know i'm remembered, and that those i love are happy, i feel like that's good enough. i just cannot help them when i'm alive. i feel like, if i was dead, and moving things around to show them i'm watching them, it would be much more helpful and hopeful than any words i could ever pass to them. i don't know why that is, and maybe it's sad, but think about it: when an artist dies, everything they've done becomes more memorable, and meaningful. it's just the truth.

This is beautiful and a part of me desires this as well. Much like you I loved nature and people and traveling and learning. But now my mind is so fucked up, I not only cannot enjoy anything anymore, but I have to use all my willpower to not CTB before my planned time. Had more than enough....

 

[Apricity]

after a LOT of bullshit.. my SN is here. found it on some WEIRD fishing site in my town—no joke, and it's a huge thing of SN for curing FISH EGGS… i thought it was a fucking joke. 99% pure, 32 OZ for like, 14 dollars? no real labels or anything either, besides just "don't fucking eat this idiot."

nah. no it's REAL. tested it against some of my blood, turned brown IMMEDIATELY. the other sodium nitrate does NOT do that. seriously. i'm fucking shocked. you should've seen me, so happy and shaking i was going to CRY. the end is so close.

i was going to commit the 12th of november, but it looks like i have plans with friends. we will see what goes on. i might do it earlier, or later. but oh my god. knowing i have reliable peace.. i've had SIX suicide attempts this year. fucking SIX. i survived over 200MG of god damn OXYCODONE, CAT MEDICATION, AND A LETHAL AMOUNT OF ADHD MEDS, for fucks sake, amongst other things. and oh my god. i'm finally going to die.

my one hope is i get to be a ghost. that's it. i just want to watch the world with no pain. casually knock shit around my old friend's rooms to remind them i'm still here and happy. just i can't be happy living. i just can't.

i know thats stupid, and i don't even believe in ghosts, nor that any can do that, but if there is an afterlife, hell, if there is one thing that god can grant me, if he IS real, it's that. i just want that. then i can be happy.

i'm just so happy. it's so close i literally can taste it. salty. it's so salty.

i've always liked salt.

I ordered from there too; i know where you live now muahahaha!
Are you also using meto? I'm thinking of trying with promethazine

 

[WeslieZX]

I ordered from there too; i know where you live now muahahaha!
Are you also using meto? I'm thinking of trying with promethazine

Funnily enough I think I ordered from the same website as well. In fact, I'd been having trouble finding reliable sources of SN that would ship quickly and his post helped me verify that this was the real deal.

 

[SheJumped]

my one hope is i get to be a ghost. that's it. i just want to watch the world with no pain. casually knock shit around my old friend's rooms to remind them i'm still here and happy. just i can't be happy living. i just can't.

That comment about being a ghost watching the world with no pain hit me differently.
When that bus comes for you, wishing you a safe and peaceful journey.

 

[_elliott]

I ordered from there too; i know where you live now muahahaha!
Are you also using meto? I'm thinking of trying with promethazine

come and find me my friend lol.
i don't think i'm using meto. i'm not sure what exactly my plan is going to be, i don't have any access to anti-emetics... i think my plan is to just drink and bring extra stock with me, so if i puke i can try again. i've done overdoses before, i'm used to vomiting, and i've managed to stomach tons of different medications.

i've done a lot of research, so please don't worry about my chances, haha. if i fail, i have a huge stock to just keep trying. i think that's the good thing about all of this.

the plan is to fast for as long as i can, get my sn, find a comfortable spot, and drink and pass. if i'm comfortable, even if my body is dealing with harmful meds, i usually don't throw up. you're talking to someone who drank fish-flavored cat meds no problem.

again, though. this is just adjusted for me and my needs. i recommend everyone else to try and follow the regimen as close as possible.

 

[aminend]

I hope every thing goes ahead completely peaceful for u. This is the way we choosed to scape from this unjustic world