Story Finally cutting myself - My thoughts and feelings

[deep-sleeper]

[DISCLAIMER] obvious TW. Additionally, I hope that no one gets encouraged by this post. Pls don't do what I do!

So after so many years of not being able to do it, I finally had enough courage and reason to cut myself until I actually bled.

My place of choice will be my shoulders, as it is easier to hide and it is less sensitive than a place like my chest, my tool of choice is using my whole shaving razor, instead of using single blades, as I am not planning to go deep enough to get hospitalized, and the razor handle helps me with "depth management". I think taking a bath before cutting also helped, because I tried doing the same thing with dry skin and it didn't work.

The cut itself was pretty mild, just 5 small cuts that didn't bleed much (technically more, if I count the multiple blades in my razor). The only problem now is hiding the cuts and taking care of them.

The aftermath: I found it interesting that I took a few seconds to realize the pain, I could feel the blade slashing my skin, but I thought that I had failed. Immediately after I feel extremely overwhelmed and zoned out, I'm not sure if that was due to the cut or the water vapor. Putting on clothes also proved to be a challenge, as I was itchy the rest of the day. One good thing that I see is that I now have new scabs to pick on. I miss picking on bruises that were caused by my middle school classmates' constant bullying, now I have to get them all by myself, and it also helped making my brain shut the fuck up

 

[Self Medicated]

[DISCLAIMER] obvious TW. Additionally, I hope that no one gets encouraged by this post. Pls don't do what I do!

So after so many years of not being able to do it, I finally had enough courage and reason to cut myself until I actually bled.

My place of choice will be my shoulders, as it is easier to hide and it is less sensitive than a place like my chest, my tool of choice is using my whole shaving razor, instead of using single blades, as I am not planning to go deep enough to get hospitalized, and the razor handle helps me with "depth management". I think taking a bath before cutting also helped, because I tried doing the same thing with dry skin and it didn't work.

The cut itself was pretty mild, just 5 small cuts that didn't bleed much (technically more, if I count the multiple blades in my razor). The only problem now is hiding the cuts and taking care of them.

The aftermath: I found it interesting that I took a few seconds to realize the pain, I could feel the blade slashing my skin, but I thought that I had failed. Immediately after I feel extremely overwhelmed and zoned out, I'm not sure if that was due to the cut or the water vapor. Putting on clothes also proved to be a challenge, as I was itchy the rest of the day. One good thing that I see is that I now have new scabs to pick on. I miss picking on bruises that were caused by my middle school classmates' constant bullying, now I have to get them all by myself, and it also helped making my brain shut the fuck up

Cutting is a coping mechanism, and it can make you feel better and it sounds like you're using caution but please be careful because it can be one hell of a slippery slope and can become a whole new problem in it's own right. I also realise that using the avatar I have and offering this advice might seem hypocritical.
Either way, hope you are doing alright.

 

[Slimprofessional010]

I understand that this is your first time cutting and it most likely won't be your last. I said I would cut once, now I have scars all over my body. I've been hospitalized. It'll become an addiction to be honest. My legs have lots of scars, my arms have scars but not much. Everywhere on my body has scars. I regret the first time I cut myself.

 

[liquid jen]

Ideally, stop while you're ahead.
But I'm not one to talk, I had the same warnings and knowledge before I started, but here we are.