Final stage loneliness

[cait_sith]

If loneliness was a Pokémon I have managed to let grow into its final evolution that is impossible to beat. I have been alone for so long that I can't fathom existing in relation to another human. This not just an inability to socialise or anything like that, I have removed myself for so long from others that I can't comprehend how existence is not being alone, but my body and mind still craves for this kind of bodily and emotional feedback but I can't conceptualise what it would entail, how to get there. All of my family is dead since 8 years, except a severely mentally disable distant relative in a home, so there is no one close left, I can feel how I am in need of connection but crippled myself so much with isolation that it's impossible for me to get. I was lonely before but this loneliness feels final, i will die with this feeling. I can feel it physically with cold contracting pain in my chest, I became even more severely stupid and retarded and more weird from the lack of any sort of interaction. I am severely behaviourally abnormal which always drove people away, and I amplified everything wrong with me tenfold with time from being alone so much I feel.

 

[Arahant]

Well that is understandable, considering your situation.
Any skill would atrophy from 8 years of non use.

If it was any other skill, anyone with common sense would tell you a mentor would be ideal for optimal learning.

In the case of connecting, animals might be better teachers for some than humans.
Whether dog, cat, horse, some say that really makes a world of difference for them.

Another option is massage therapy. If you respond to touch, especially if it's a skilled bodyworker, they can wake up dormant parts of you that enable connection to come back online.

This other day I was reading about PolyVagal theory; the science of safety, and how the originator of that theory has developed the Safe and Sound Protocol.
With assistance from a practitioner, it can guide a person into a state of felt safety, that enables our social nature (ventral vagal nerve activation) to engage. It's the opposite to fight/flight, called flock/flow/fun.

You are not stuck this way. You are not helpless.
The above are three possibilities.
If you would rather soak up some SN and CTB, you can believe me when I say I get it.
You decide what is right for you.

May everyone have a chance at happiness.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

OP, I don't only sympathize with you, I can empathize, too. I lost all members of my family over the course of about 4 years, or so, with my mother being the last to die about 3 1/2 years ago. Eight relatives in total. Ever since, I've been completely alone. I'm literally the last one left out of my family. Sure, I have cousins in other states, but haven't talked with any of them in decades, and I don't even know how to get in touch with them even if I wanted to. My cousin, who passed away, was like my brother and my best friend. I don't have any other friends. My days are long and quiet, except for the tv or radio I leave on just to hear some noise. Maybe once a week I talk briefly with a checkout person at a store, but it's nothing more than the obligatory, "Hi. How are you?" kind of thing. Less often I see my doctor and interact with people there at the office. There's really nothing else. My neighbor is a hermit who I rarely see and we're not close. I don't receive phone calls, except from maybe the doctor, or some other "business"-type relationship with someone every once in a while. It's hard getting through each day. I doubt I'd be able to socialize effectively anymore, either. Online activities, mainly here, have been the only social activities I partake in. It's not the same as an irl relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, family, etc. It's what I have, though, and it's seeing me through (I hope) until I get everything in order and can leave this "new" lonely world I find myself in now. I'll tell you what the most profound realization is that I came to know and that is that once my mother passed about 3 1/2 years ago, there isn't one single person on this earth who loves me anymore. It's just so bizarre. I've been loved my entire life and then *poof*, it just ends. Just. Like. That.

Writing this is not about garnering pity for my circumstances. I don't need that. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm going to die with that final loneliness feeling, too. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can go in peace.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I really dislike this human need for connection and purpose. Makes things so much harder. Being isolated also makes it so much worse. Hope you find some connection here or peace.

 

[cait_sith]

Well that is understandable, considering your situation.
Any skill would atrophy from 8 years of non use.

If it was any other skill, anyone with common sense would tell you a mentor would be ideal for optimal learning.

In the case of connecting, animals might be better teachers for some than humans.
Whether dog, cat, horse, some say that really makes a world of difference for them.

Another option is massage therapy. If you respond to touch, especially if it's a skilled bodyworker, they can wake up dormant parts of you that enable connection to come back online.

This other day I was reading about PolyVagal theory; the science of safety, and how the originator of that theory has developed the Safe and Sound Protocol.
With assistance from a practitioner, it can guide a person into a state of felt safety, that enables our social nature (ventral vagal nerve activation) to engage. It's the opposite to fight/flight, called flock/flow/fun.

You are not stuck this way. You are not helpless.
The above are three possibilities.
If you would rather soak up some SN and CTB, you can believe me when I say I get it.
You decide what is right for you.

May everyone have a chance at happiness.

I watched some video about polyvagal theory and it seems interesting. I have watched tons of stuff and explanations of what could cause my problems etc I know I have some sort of trauma probably, but knowing this doesn't do much to help me, I'm sorry I don't want to come off as someone who shoots any advice beforehand, but given the nature of this forum this is a response that is to be expected, finding a mentor requires trust that I have time to commit to. I have hard time taking care of myself so a pet is too much stress for me. Massage for waking paths sounds a bit too esoteric for me, which I don't judge, it's just not for me. Thank you very much for your kind words and willingness to help, like I said, I am curious about researching psychological stuff and the polyvagal theory is very interesting topic I will do more reading on so thank you for that.

 

[doneforlife]

OP, I don't only sympathize with you, I can empathize, too. I lost all members of my family over the course of about 4 years, or so, with my mother being the last to die about 3 1/2 years ago. Eight relatives in total. Ever since, I've been completely alone. I'm literally the last one left out of my family. Sure, I have cousins in other states, but haven't talked with any of them in decades, and I don't even know how to get in touch with them even if I wanted to. My cousin, who passed away, was like my brother and my best friend. I don't have any other friends. My days are long and quiet, except for the tv or radio I leave on just to hear some noise. Maybe once a week I talk briefly with a checkout person at a store, but it's nothing more than the obligatory, "Hi. How are you?" kind of thing. Less often I see my doctor and interact with people there at the office. There's really nothing else. My neighbor is a hermit who I rarely see and we're not close. I don't receive phone calls, except from maybe the doctor, or some other "business"-type relationship with someone every once in a while. It's hard getting through each day. I doubt I'd be able to socialize effectively anymore, either. Online activities, mainly here, have been the only social activities I partake in. It's not the same as an irl relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, family, etc. It's what I have, though, and it's seeing me through (I hope) until I get everything in order and can leave this "new" lonely world I find myself in now. I'll tell you what the most profound realization is that I came to know and that is that once my mother passed about 3 1/2 years ago, there isn't one single person on this earth who loves me anymore. It's just so bizarre. I've been loved my entire life and then *poof*, it just ends. Just. Like. That.

Writing this is not about garnering pity for my circumstances. I don't need that. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm going to die with that final loneliness feeling, too. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can go in peace.

I can totally understand this. I have also been loved my entire life and then suddenly..poof . I lost my 3 family members. However, I don't have the feeling of loneliness. I don't interact much with the outside world. Mostly a hermit. Thanks to internet, I keep myself engaged. Had this been 20 years ago , I don't think I could have survived.

 

[cait_sith]

OP, I don't only sympathize with you, I can empathize, too. I lost all members of my family over the course of about 4 years, or so, with my mother being the last to die about 3 1/2 years ago. Eight relatives in total. Ever since, I've been completely alone. I'm literally the last one left out of my family. Sure, I have cousins in other states, but haven't talked with any of them in decades, and I don't even know how to get in touch with them even if I wanted to. My cousin, who passed away, was like my brother and my best friend. I don't have any other friends. My days are long and quiet, except for the tv or radio I leave on just to hear some noise. Maybe once a week I talk briefly with a checkout person at a store, but it's nothing more than the obligatory, "Hi. How are you?" kind of thing. Less often I see my doctor and interact with people there at the office. There's really nothing else. My neighbor is a hermit who I rarely see and we're not close. I don't receive phone calls, except from maybe the doctor, or some other "business"-type relationship with someone every once in a while. It's hard getting through each day. I doubt I'd be able to socialize effectively anymore, either. Online activities, mainly here, have been the only social activities I partake in. It's not the same as an irl relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, family, etc. It's what I have, though, and it's seeing me through (I hope) until I get everything in order and can leave this "new" lonely world I find myself in now. I'll tell you what the most profound realization is that I came to know and that is that once my mother passed about 3 1/2 years ago, there isn't one single person on this earth who loves me anymore. It's just so bizarre. I've been loved my entire life and then *poof*, it just ends. Just. Like. That.

Writing this is not about garnering pity for my circumstances. I don't need that. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm going to die with that final loneliness feeling, too. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can go in peace.

I'm very sorry that you have to through that too, thank you so much for your response and you willingness to share your experience. How old are you? I feel like this kind of loneliness where nobody is left as everyone died is something that should be reserved for old people that are on their way out anyway, but I got into this at 26. I think being alone and having no one as everybody died and being alone and maybe seeing your parents or some relative every other month make a huge difference, although the aloneness-time is similar for both, just the knowledge of an entity existing that is AWARE OF YOU, even though you might fight and hate eachother, makes a huge difference. just the fact that there is a human in the world you live in that KNOWS YOU EXSIST make a huge difference. (there is the gf of my father left who is aware of me and sees me like 3 times a year, (and no not on Christmas where it would count), but it's not enough to survive on ). it's a horrible feeling, we are biologically designed to avoid that total form of atomisation but when, in my case, behavioural abnormalities or autism make it impossible to replace deceasing relationships with new ones it's the natural conclusion, just in my case, that conclusion came earlier than for others. It's a bizarre feeling indeed, the whole "love yourself"-thing that people like to throw our way becomes hard when there is zero feedback-loop from the outside.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm very sorry that you have to through that too, thank you so much for your response and you willingness to share your experience. How old are you? I feel like this kind of loneliness where nobody is left as everyone died is something that should be reserved for old people that are on their way out anyway, but I got into this at 26. I think being alone and having no one as everybody died and being alone and maybe seeing your parents or some relative every other month make a huge difference, although the aloneness-time is similar for both, just the knowledge of an entity existing that is AWARE OF YOU, even though you might fight and hate eachother, makes a huge difference. just the fact that there is a human in the world you live in that KNOWS YOU EXSIST make a huge difference. (there is the gf of my father left who is aware of me and sees me like 3 times a year, (and no not on Christmas where it would count), but it's not enough to survive on ). it's a horrible feeling, we are biologically designed to avoid that total form of atomisation but when, in my case, behavioural abnormalities or autism make it impossible to replace deceasing relationships with new ones it's the natural conclusion, just in my case, that conclusion came earlier than for others. It's a bizarre feeling indeed, the whole "love yourself"-thing that people like to throw our way becomes hard when there is zero feedback-loop from the outside.

I'm 58. My mother was 88 when she passed, but even relatives nearer to my age all passed, too. It all came out of nowhere - didn't see it coming. Yeah, I don't have autism and I find it impossible to make new acquaintances, let alone friends. It gets a lot harder as we age. I don't even try anymore. Why bother? I'm hoping to leave in the not-too-distant future anyway. It is really, truly surreal to, all of a sudden, just not have anyone on the entire face of this earth, who actually knows you and loves you, when all your life you did have that.

I can totally understand this. I have also been loved my entire life and then suddenly..poof . I lost my 3 family members. However, I don't have the feeling of loneliness. I don't interact much with the outside world. Mostly a hermit. Thanks to internet, I keep myself engaged. Had this been 20 years ago , I don't think I could have survived.

I don't know, for me, the virtual world just isn't on par with what reality once was. There's not even someone in my life who I can reminisce with about my deceased relatives. It's like everything they were is just lost and only confined within my own mind now.

 

[maniac116]

OP, I don't only sympathize with you, I can empathize, too. I lost all members of my family over the course of about 4 years, or so, with my mother being the last to die about 3 1/2 years ago. Eight relatives in total. Ever since, I've been completely alone. I'm literally the last one left out of my family. Sure, I have cousins in other states, but haven't talked with any of them in decades, and I don't even know how to get in touch with them even if I wanted to. My cousin, who passed away, was like my brother and my best friend. I don't have any other friends. My days are long and quiet, except for the tv or radio I leave on just to hear some noise. Maybe once a week I talk briefly with a checkout person at a store, but it's nothing more than the obligatory, "Hi. How are you?" kind of thing. Less often I see my doctor and interact with people there at the office. There's really nothing else. My neighbor is a hermit who I rarely see and we're not close. I don't receive phone calls, except from maybe the doctor, or some other "business"-type relationship with someone every once in a while. It's hard getting through each day. I doubt I'd be able to socialize effectively anymore, either. Online activities, mainly here, have been the only social activities I partake in. It's not the same as an irl relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, family, etc. It's what I have, though, and it's seeing me through (I hope) until I get everything in order and can leave this "new" lonely world I find myself in now. I'll tell you what the most profound realization is that I came to know and that is that once my mother passed about 3 1/2 years ago, there isn't one single person on this earth who loves me anymore. It's just so bizarre. I've been loved my entire life and then *poof*, it just ends. Just. Like. That.

Writing this is not about garnering pity for my circumstances. I don't need that. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm going to die with that final loneliness feeling, too. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can go in peace.