Venting Final plan.

[yellowroses]

I think my final attempt will be taking a beyond-heroic dose of LSD and simply slitting my wrists in the bathtub. I've noticed even on smaller doses, my survival instinct completely goes out the window, so I'm confident I'll be able to do it. It's not at all the way I wanted to go, but I'm literally out of options, having survived countless attempts using practically every other method available to me (gas just isn't possible with my living situation, and I can't afford everything needed for SN even if I'm able to find somewhere to buy it.)

This won't be for at least a couple months wren I can get lsd again, and I'll probably make another post when I'm ready to go through with it, but I really wanted to get this off my chest.

Also: not really asking for advice here: I'm a former med student and know where/how to cut to make it as quick as possible. I hate that it's come down to this but I'm out of options and need out, I know it won't be pleasant, but it's better than the alternative.

Anyway, thanks for reading

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think my final attempt will be taking a beyond-heroic dose of LSD and simply slitting my wrists in the bathtub. I've noticed even on smaller doses, my survival instinct completely goes out the window, so I'm confident I'll be able to do it. It's not at all the way I wanted to go, but I'm literally out of options, having survived countless attempts using practically every other method available to me (gas just isn't possible with my living situation, and I can't afford everything needed for SN even if I'm able to find somewhere to buy it.)

This won't be for at least a couple months wren I can get lsd again, and I'll probably make another post when I'm ready to go through with it, but I really wanted to get this off my chest.

Also: not really asking for advice here: I'm a former med student and know where/how to cut to make it as quick as possible. I hate that it's come down to this but I'm out of options and need out, I know it won't be pleasant, but it's better than the alternative.

Anyway, thanks for reading

I'm sorry you find yourself at this place in your life. I have no idea if large doses of LSD significantly reduces SI, as I've never taken anything other than a single dose at a time back in my partying days, and it wasn't to test for SI reduction. If that's what you want, I hope it works out for you and that you can get to the peace you deserve.

BTW, what's the "alternative" and what's so bad about it, if you don't mind answering? If not, that's OK, too.

 

[yellowroses]

I'm sorry you find yourself at this place in your life. I have no idea if large doses of LSD significantly reduces SI, as I've never taken anything other than a single dose at a time back in my partying days, and it wasn't to test for SI reduction. If that's what you want, I hope it works out for you and that you can get to the peace you deserve.

BTW, what's the "alternative" and what's so bad about it, if you don't mind answering? If not, that's OK, too.

I've been able to overcome SI at low doses than what I plan to take, not sure if that's a common effect of lsd or not, but it works for me. As for the alternative I mean staying alive. I have borderline personality disorder comorbid with schizoaffective, which is something that only gets worse with age. Right now, most of my days are a living Hell: I'm seeing shit everywhere, delusional to high hell, I don't feel safe anywhere, least of all my own home. I had to stop working earlier this year because of it, and now can barely leave my house without a panic attack. I can feel myself slipping away day by day, there's just no way I can keep this up. It sucks because there were a few golden months (weeks?) Where my depression was in remission but this hadn't really kicked off yet, where I truly believed I was gonna make it. Now I just want to call it quits before it gets even worse.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I'm just confused why you think getting a "beyond heroic dose" of LSD is cheaper than SN. I thought SN was just a single cost and it wasn't that extreme, plus anti-emetic which may be covered by insurance? If you are taking any more than 5 tabs, wouldn't it be more expensive? Are there hidden costs associated with SN that I'm not considering or something?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have borderline personality disorder comorbid with schizoaffective, which is something that only gets worse with age. Right now, most of my days are a living Hell: I'm seeing shit everywhere, delusional to high hell, I don't feel safe anywhere, least of all my own home. I had to stop working earlier this year because of it, and now can barely leave my house without a panic attack. I can feel myself slipping away day by day, there's just no way I can keep this up. It sucks because there were a few golden months (weeks?) Where my depression was in remission but this hadn't really kicked off yet, where I truly believed I was gonna make it. Now I just want to call it quits before it gets even worse.

I'm so, so sorry. I can't even imagine what that must be like for you. I wish you the best and hope you get to your peace on your own terms.

 

[yellowroses]

I'm just confused why you think getting a "beyond heroic dose" of LSD is cheaper than SN. I thought SN was just a single cost and it wasn't that extreme, plus anti-emetic which may be covered by insurance? If you are taking any more than 5 tabs, wouldn't it be more expensive? Are there hidden costs associated with SN that I'm not considering or something?

It's cheaper for me only because I have a connection that I can get it at a much lower cost than average. Also, I wouldn't be able to get the anti-emetics covered by insurance and would most likely have to buy them illegally, which is where the biggest cost-sink comes in with SN for me. I've already worked through all the prices of everything (as best i could without actually finding somewhere reliable to order SN) and this would actually be much cheaper in my case.

I'm so, so sorry. I can't even imagine what that must be like for you. I wish you the best and hope you get to your peace on your own terms.

Thank you friend

 

[painful existence]

Statistically speaking wrist cutting had only 1 to 2 percent success rate(if I remember correctly).This doesn't look good in my opinion.You can try alternatives.

 

[thot88]

I think my final attempt will be taking a beyond-heroic dose of LSD and simply slitting my wrists in the bathtub. I've noticed even on smaller doses, my survival instinct completely goes out the window, so I'm confident I'll be able to do it. It's not at all the way I wanted to go, but I'm literally out of options, having survived countless attempts using practically every other method available to me (gas just isn't possible with my living situation, and I can't afford everything needed for SN even if I'm able to find somewhere to buy it.)

This won't be for at least a couple months wren I can get lsd again, and I'll probably make another post when I'm ready to go through with it, but I really wanted to get this off my chest.

Also: not really asking for advice here: I'm a former med student and know where/how to cut to make it as quick as possible. I hate that it's come down to this but I'm out of options and need out, I know it won't be pleasant, but it's better than the alternative.

Anyway, thanks for reading

"Also: not really asking for advice here: I'm a former med student and know where/how to cut to make it as quick as possible. " How should it be done?

 

[painful existence]

If you do know it then hopefully you are able to perform it safely.I hope you find peace you seek.
I hope a time comes when Nembutal is made available to everyone who desires.I can completely understand the desperation you might be in . Safe journey.

 

[yellowroses]

"Also: not really asking for advice here: I'm a former med student and know where/how to cut to make it as quick as possible. " How should it be done?

I'm not sure how much detail I can go into here, but you're looking for specific arteries in the forearm or inner thigh, look up the ones commonly used for embalming, aim for those. Go deep. And you want to cut parallel, not horizontal. 100%? Of course not, but if you can do something to keep the wounds from closing too quickly (ie blood thinners or triangle-shaped wounds if you can manage that), unless someone finds you, you're definitely bleeding out.

 

[CW36]

Drug overdoses and cutting are both very unreliable ways to approach CTB.

 

[FeyB]

Hoping your last trip is going to be a very good one <3
May the psychedelic gods lead you to the best place you can be.. further than life and death, where there's no more such distinction <3

 

[yellowroses]

Drug overdoses and cutting are both very unreliable ways to approach CTB.

So has every other method I've tried. I'll have almost 9 hours to myself to bleed out, and ways to ensure that the bleeding won't stop. It's going to be extremely unpleasant but I'll make it work. To clarify: absolutely NOT recommending any of this for anyone else to try, but this is what my situation has led to.

Hoping your last trip is going to be a very good one <3
May the psychedelic gods lead you to the best place you can be.. further than life and death, where there's no more such distinction <3

Thank you friend that's what I'm hoping for too

 

[CW36]

So has every other method I've tried. I'll have almost 9 hours to myself to bleed out, and ways to ensure that the bleeding won't stop. It's going to be extremely unpleasant but I'll make it work. To clarify: absolutely NOT recommending any of this for anyone else to try, but this is what my situation has led to.

Thank you friend that's what I'm hoping for too

Is their a particular reason why you've gone down this route then? Cause as I'm sure you're aware it won't be the quickest nor the least painful perhaps.

 

[yellowroses]

Is their a particular reason why you've gone down this route then? Cause as I'm sure you're aware it won't be the quickest nor the least painful perhaps.

Honestly because this is pretty much my last option, short of jumping off a bridge or in front of a train, and I'd take a more painful method if it can at least be at home, on my own. I've tried overdose, tried every type of strangulation/hanging short of full suspension (only because there's no where in my house I can do that from), don't have access to a firearm, can't make myself pass out for shallow water blackout, even tried to give myself an embolism injecting air into my veins. I've had dozens of serious attempts, but nothing works. At this point I'll rip my fucking arteries out by hand if I have to, I need to be done.

 

[CW36]

Honestly because this is pretty much my last option, short of jumping off a bridge or in front of a train, and I'd take a more painful method if it can at least be at home, on my own. I've tried overdose, tried every type of strangulation/hanging short of full suspension (only because there's no where in my house I can do that from), don't have access to a firearm, can't make myself pass out for shallow water blackout, even tried to give myself an embolism injecting air into my veins. I've had dozens of serious attempts, but nothing works. At this point I'll rip my fucking arteries out by hand if I have to, I need to be done.

Okay, thank you for explaining. You've certainly been through the mill and back. And I get that you want to CTB in the privacy of your own home, that's a big deal for myself also. It adds some comparative comfort and confidence. I wish you all the best bud.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds so awful going through those failed attempts, I hate how it's so difficult to cease existing. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find the freedom you search for when the time is right for you to leave, good luck.