bFre3
Member
- Apr 8, 2024
- 83
I've already made up my mind that I will CTB. But sometimes, I feel as if my 'reason' just isn't valid enough to justify it.
If you told me to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes me want to CTB, I wouldn't be able to tell you. The truth is, I've honestly got no idea. It's a mix of self hatred, low self esteem, fear of the future, past regrets, and many, many things. These things just pile up, and I just decided that the better choice would be to CTB for myself and others.
But then, I continue to ask myself 'why?' over and over again. Am I just over reacting? Is this impulsive? But then again, I've been feeling this way for years now.
It's not like I don't have friends, there are plenty of good people around me. I try my absolute best to do good as well. I hate to be a bother to other people, especially since they're good people (as I just said). There are things I do want to do in the future, it's just that they're not more important than CTB.
As I see more and more stories of people who've had it much, much harder than me, I begin to feel like I don't even have the right to do it anymore. It's just a complete mess...
If you told me to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes me want to CTB, I wouldn't be able to tell you. The truth is, I've honestly got no idea. It's a mix of self hatred, low self esteem, fear of the future, past regrets, and many, many things. These things just pile up, and I just decided that the better choice would be to CTB for myself and others.
But then, I continue to ask myself 'why?' over and over again. Am I just over reacting? Is this impulsive? But then again, I've been feeling this way for years now.
It's not like I don't have friends, there are plenty of good people around me. I try my absolute best to do good as well. I hate to be a bother to other people, especially since they're good people (as I just said). There are things I do want to do in the future, it's just that they're not more important than CTB.
As I see more and more stories of people who've had it much, much harder than me, I begin to feel like I don't even have the right to do it anymore. It's just a complete mess...
