Venting Feeling utterly damaged and broken

[nuclearsnake]

Anyone else here feel like they're seriously broken and always have been? It's like I came out wrong and then was taken apart over the course of my childhood and never put back together. It's so painful to watch normal people be happy and relaxed around each other when I never seem to be able to let my guard down or lighten up. I feel zero connection to other people and have no idea how social interaction works. It's really like I'm just irreparably damaged. I remember feeling this way since I was a kid - watching everyone else while I'm just standing there with that big wall between us. I never have belonged and I'll never will belong and I feel like that is, among other things, on of the reasons I want to catch the bus. I'm not a human being and I'm too stupid to put on a mask and pretend.

You know how animals kill those that endanger the herd because they're sick and frail. Apparently the animal called human is unable to do that to people like me so now we have to do it ourselves but of course the lizard brain is fighting that.

There's a Radiohead lyric that always stayed in my head:

If you'd been a dog
They would have drowned you at birth

 

[Smilla]

Yes. Beautifully expressed, albeit sad.

I also feel like no one ever really bothered to get to know me or cared to except a couple folks.

Curiosity about someone is important, and I've always had that curiosity about other humans but it never seemed to be reciprocated.

For instance: I bought a business a couple years ago and my sibling never once asked "hey, how's it going?" Or "What color you gonna paint your office"?

Simple stuff like that, and with other "friends" too.

I couldn't lighten up either, although I consider myself to have a sense of humor and love to laugh. Classic case of not fitting in.

Don't beat yourself up. You have us for now, and who wants to be friends with fake humans anyway who only care about their latest gadget, new car, or what trendy restaurant they ate at last week?

I'm done.

 

[RM5998]

Anyone else here feel like they're seriously broken and always have been? It's like I came out wrong and then was taken apart over the course of my childhood and never put back together. It's so painful to watch normal people be happy and relaxed around each other when I never seem to be able to let my guard down or lighten up. I feel zero connection to other people and have no idea how social interaction works. It's really like I'm just irreparably damaged. I remember feeling this way since I was a kid - watching everyone else while I'm just standing there with that big wall between us. I never have belonged and I'll never will belong and I feel like that is, among other things, on of the reasons I want to catch the bus. I'm not a human being and I'm too stupid to put on a mask and pretend.

You know how animals kill those that endanger the herd because they're sick and frail. Apparently the animal called human is unable to do that to people like me so now we have to do it ourselves but of course the lizard brain is fighting that.

There's a Radiohead lyric that always stayed in my head:

If you'd been a dog
They would have drowned you at birth

Considering your profile picture, here's my thoughts, put into better words by someone else.

"You know, sometimes I think I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me and now its all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?"

I never thought a show with a talking horse would be so profound.

 

[Ben]

Anyone else here feel like they're seriously broken and always have been? It's like I came out wrong and then was taken apart over the course of my childhood and never put back together. It's so painful to watch normal people be happy and relaxed around each other when I never seem to be able to let my guard down or lighten up. I feel zero connection to other people and have no idea how social interaction works. It's really like I'm just irreparably damaged. I remember feeling this way since I was a kid - watching everyone else while I'm just standing there with that big wall between us. I never have belonged and I'll never will belong and I feel like that is, among other things, on of the reasons I want to catch the bus. I'm not a human being and I'm too stupid to put on a mask and pretend.

You know how animals kill those that endanger the herd because they're sick and frail. Apparently the animal called human is unable to do that to people like me so now we have to do it ourselves but of course the lizard brain is fighting that.

There's a Radiohead lyric that always stayed in my head:

If you'd been a dog
They would have drowned you at birth

I believe that humans have become so overpopulated with no natural predators, that natural selection takes its course by affecting the psyche of some humans to convince us that we are not worth living.

Hey, I agree with you, mr natural selection, but I would prefer if self inhalation stayed off of the history books of mankind.

I'll leave, no problem, but please don't make my mental state a inherit trait in the human race.

 

[nuclearsnake]

Considering your profile picture, here's my thoughts, put into better words by someone else.

"You know, sometimes I think I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me and now its all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?"

I never thought a show with a talking horse would be so profound.

Yeah, it's such a great show. Another quote that I can really relate to:

I don't know how to be, Diane. It doesn't get better and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself, saying that I'm going to change. I'm poison. I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That's my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me.

I believe that humans have become so overpopulated with no natural predators, that natural selection takes its course by affecting the psyche of some humans to convince us that we are not worth living.

Hey, I agree with you, mr natural selection, but I would prefer if self inhalation stayed off of the history books of mankind.

I'll leave, no problem, but please don't make my mental state a inherit trait in the human race.

I share that believe. It's all natural selection. Kind of a shitty way of cleaning up the gene pool though.

 

[Ben]

Yeah, it's such a great show. Another quote that I can really relate to:

I don't know how to be, Diane. It doesn't get better and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself, saying that I'm going to change. I'm poison. I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That's my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me.



I share that believe. It's all natural selection. Kind of a shitty way of cleaning up the gene pool though.

If we have no natural predators to hinder our growth to a point the planet can't sustaine our population? I really don't see the universe having another option other then convincing some of the weaker of the species, like me, that death will help us grow

 

[windingdown]

Anyone else here feel like they're seriously broken and always have been? It's like I came out wrong and then was taken apart over the course of my childhood and never put back together. It's so painful to watch normal people be happy and relaxed around each other when I never seem to be able to let my guard down or lighten up. I feel zero connection to other people and have no idea how social interaction works. It's really like I'm just irreparably damaged. I remember feeling this way since I was a kid - watching everyone else while I'm just standing there with that big wall between us. I never have belonged and I'll never will belong and I feel like that is, among other things, on of the reasons I want to catch the bus. I'm not a human being and I'm too stupid to put on a mask and pretend.

You know how animals kill those that endanger the herd because they're sick and frail. Apparently the animal called human is unable to do that to people like me so now we have to do it ourselves but of course the lizard brain is fighting that.

There's a Radiohead lyric that always stayed in my head:

If you'd been a dog
They would have drowned you at birth

'Courage, dear heart.' CS Lewis

 

[MissLisa]

Anyone else here feel like they're seriously broken and always have been? It's like I came out wrong and then was taken apart over the course of my childhood and never put back together. It's so painful to watch normal people be happy and relaxed around each other when I never seem to be able to let my guard down or lighten up. I feel zero connection to other people and have no idea how social interaction works. It's really like I'm just irreparably damaged. I remember feeling this way since I was a kid - watching everyone else while I'm just standing there with that big wall between us. I never have belonged and I'll never will belong and I feel like that is, among other things, on of the reasons I want to catch the bus. I'm not a human being and I'm too stupid to put on a mask and pretend.

You know how animals kill those that endanger the herd because they're sick and frail. Apparently the animal called human is unable to do that to people like me so now we have to do it ourselves but of course the lizard brain is fighting that.

There's a Radiohead lyric that always stayed in my head:

If you'd been a dog
They would have drowned you at birth

Couldn't have put it better myself

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

read my bio I'v already spoken

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Same here.
My entire existence is a mistake, it never felt right.

 

[Clover]

:(