feeling trapped and dragging my feet

[PrincessInWhite]

I genuinely do not have enough left to build a life. I cannot cope with change in any form, I still live at home in my late 20's, never moved out. I have crippling OCD, C-PTSD, anxiety, ADHD so can't function or plan anything like a normal person, I have all these weird complex rituals designed to help em remember stuff that then end up crippling me and making me unable to function. I have a degree in a potentially lucrative field, I just cannot function. It has gotten progressively WORSE every year I have chosen to hang on. This past year I developed a crippling physical chronic illness as well.

I have tried decades worth of medications, therapies, intensive inpatient and outpatient programs, lifestyle changes, etc etc. I just truly want to be at peace and feel like I am a car that is slowly sputtering running out of gas. If I had N I actually think I would be encouraged to hang around longer because I'd feel at peace knowing I could escape if I hit my limit, so why not try harder for a bit longer? As it stands now though, my options are SN and hanging, 2 potentially painful and not very peaceful methods that leave me feeling trapped and paralyzed.

I know there's really no magical advice to give, I just wanted to vent to people who would understand. Thanks for listening.

 

[astaeste2021]

I genuinely do not have enough left to build a life. I cannot cope with change in any form, I still live at home in my late 20's, never moved out. I have crippling OCD, C-PTSD, anxiety, ADHD so can't function or plan anything like a normal person, I have all these weird complex rituals designed to help em remember stuff that then end up crippling me and making me unable to function. I have a degree in a potentially lucrative field, I just cannot function. It has gotten progressively WORSE every year I have chosen to hang on.

I have tried decades worth of medications, therapies, intensive inpatient and outpatient programs, lifestyle changes, etc etc. I just truly want to be at peace and feel like I am a car that is slowly sputtering running out of gas. If I had N I actually think I would be encouraged to hang around longer because I'd feel at peace knowing I could escape if I hit my limit, so why not try harder for a bit longer? As it stands now though, my options are SN and hanging, 2 potentially painful and not very peaceful methods that leave me feeling trapped and paralyzed.

I know there's really no magical advice to give, I just wanted to vent to people who would understand. Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry you are hurting

 

[orlandom]

I genuinely do not have enough left to build a life. I cannot cope with change in any form, I still live at home in my late 20's, never moved out. I have crippling OCD, C-PTSD, anxiety, ADHD so can't function or plan anything like a normal person, I have all these weird complex rituals designed to help em remember stuff that then end up crippling me and making me unable to function. I have a degree in a potentially lucrative field, I just cannot function. It has gotten progressively WORSE every year I have chosen to hang on.

I have tried decades worth of medications, therapies, intensive inpatient and outpatient programs, lifestyle changes, etc etc. I just truly want to be at peace and feel like I am a car that is slowly sputtering running out of gas. If I had N I actually think I would be encouraged to hang around longer because I'd feel at peace knowing I could escape if I hit my limit, so why not try harder for a bit longer? As it stands now though, my options are SN and hanging, 2 potentially painful and not very peaceful methods that leave me feeling trapped and paralyzed.

I know there's really no magical advice to give, I just wanted to vent to people who would understand. Thanks for listening.

I really sympathize with you. I've been hurting for a very long time. But I will finish this soon. Very soon. Hug you.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I'm sorry you are hurting

thank you my friend. I hate that you're hurting too. <3

I really sympathize with you. I've been hurting for a very long time. But I will finish this soon. Very soon. Hug you.

really hope something changes for you and things get better and you don't need to go through with it. Holding out hope for you even when you don't have it. Sending you bigger hugs <3

 

[WornOutLife]

Vent as much as you want, dear.
I'll just tell you that I started to live alone when I was 25 and could barely pay the rent.
Some people manage to do it later. There's no rush. The time will come as long as you keep on moving and trying to do something about it.

I know it's very hard to get out from the depression and CTB zone but you can start by setting short-term and doable goals and then long-term objectives such as getting a decent job and being able to work 8 hours a day.