Venting Feeling stuck .

[Georgii]

Lately I've fallen into the hands of routine more than usual ,day after day ,it's always the same.
Even if the thought is always there , it lingers in the back of my mind .
I feel like I'm delaying my own ending.
When I break down I feel so close to it ready and eager to just do it .The rush makes me feel ready ,but before I get anything done it's gone..everything is quiet .
I can't even use my phone in peace at home without my partner being suspicious if I'm too attentive to it .
Can't even be in my own thoughts at home .I feel at peace when I quietly plan it , even if it's in my head or another failed attempt while he's gone from home .


Or maybe I'm just making excuses ..keep on post-phoning it again maybe I never actually try hard enough to succeed.

 

[Stavrogin]

There is no escape. The only option you have is to choose your master, perhaps.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I can relate to a lot of this. Getting stuck in a routine where you aren't improving but won't end your life, loved ones always around to stop attempts, panicking and panicking and getting ready to die only for your emotions to flip at the last minute - it sucks.

 

[I screwed up]

I can relate to a lot of this. Getting stuck in a routine where you aren't improving but won't end your life, loved ones always around to stop attempts, panicking and panicking and getting ready to die only for your emotions to flip at the last minute - it sucks.

Exactly my emotions ...