Venting Feeling screwed after my SN is gone

[prettyclam]

A couple months ago, I made a post about how I planned on ctb with SN. I ordered it from DMC back in December, but on the very same day, I had a complete mental breakdown which led to my parents finding out my plans.

After spending time in a mental hospital, enduring therapy, & taking medicine that never helped me, literally nothing has changed. I'm not any less depressed than before. In fact I'm even more depressed because by the time my SN arrived, my parents obviously confiscated it. Idk if I can even order another package since DMC is gone & other websites seem sketchy.

I could've been dead before new years if I hadn't screwed up everything. I'm out of methods. Can't get a gun since I'm 19. Can't jump off buildings since I live in suburban hell. Can't hang myself because I'm a wimp. I've gotten so desperate that I've considered drinking bleach even though that method sucks.

I've lost all interest in hobbies. My room is basically empty since I threw everything away in preparation to ctb. Friends & family aren't helpful when I (rarely) go to them. They're the "dont be sad be happy" type that don't understand that depression is deeper than that.

My life just feels like a mess. Honestly idk what to do anymore. My perfect opportunity is gone & I've never felt worse.

 

[Griever]

 

[bankai]

Try again I guess. You can't expect any support from your family or relatives or friends. Don't be sad, be happy Is such a garbage trope.It's like the if you're homeless, just buy a home bullshit.But if you can hang on, please hang on. Before you know it, years would go by. Life is still something to experience i guess.,But if you absolutely cannot take it anymore. Then, well, you know what to do.