Hello...my health has recently taken a turn for the worse (I already have a medical/health condition and been to every specialist you can think of. There is no cure so this isn't an option and I don't really want to discuss the details if that's ok).
I don't know how much longer I can hold on. If you've seen my posts you probably know that I'm set on full suspension hanging. However, I don't think, or I don't know if I'll be able to go through with it.
Firstly, because of my health issues I'm finding it harder to move around and stay upright and my anchor point is large and high up. It's not easy to get the rope around it in my condition, though I've done it before so I know it actually works.
Secondly, this may sound stupid but reading a lot about hanging on here has made me paranoid it will fail. So many times people utter 'vegetable' in the same sentence as hanging like 'hanging is reliable but if you're found or your rope breaks you'll end up as a vegetable' and I can't get that out of my mind despite having a proper rope from a specialist rope store and at least an hour alone. I can't shake the feeling anymore that it will fail because so many people are worried about this.
Today I am going to do a trial run of my bathtub drowning method. I'm going to place the weights I plan to use in the tub and fill it and get inside and see how everything fits together and whether this is viable. I don't know when (or perhaps if) I will CTB. Could be today, or tomorrow or a few days from now or if I'm lucky never but it's getting to the point where I have to be very serious about it now. So I'm going to practice today. I need the reassurance that my method will work. Hopefully it will just stay as a practice.
I know drowning is considered one of the worst ways to die. But I don't have the luxury of many options. I have benzos which I would take beforehand and the whole 'water filling and burning the lungs' thing is not accurate. I went and researched this yesterday and for most people the trachea seals off before the lungs can get much water in. The lungs filling with water usually happens after you've passed out from lack of oxygen.
Anyway, thank you for reading and thanks to all the people who have talked to me and answered questions and have just generally been kind. I'll stay here as long as I can.
I don't know how much longer I can hold on. If you've seen my posts you probably know that I'm set on full suspension hanging. However, I don't think, or I don't know if I'll be able to go through with it.
Firstly, because of my health issues I'm finding it harder to move around and stay upright and my anchor point is large and high up. It's not easy to get the rope around it in my condition, though I've done it before so I know it actually works.
Secondly, this may sound stupid but reading a lot about hanging on here has made me paranoid it will fail. So many times people utter 'vegetable' in the same sentence as hanging like 'hanging is reliable but if you're found or your rope breaks you'll end up as a vegetable' and I can't get that out of my mind despite having a proper rope from a specialist rope store and at least an hour alone. I can't shake the feeling anymore that it will fail because so many people are worried about this.
Today I am going to do a trial run of my bathtub drowning method. I'm going to place the weights I plan to use in the tub and fill it and get inside and see how everything fits together and whether this is viable. I don't know when (or perhaps if) I will CTB. Could be today, or tomorrow or a few days from now or if I'm lucky never but it's getting to the point where I have to be very serious about it now. So I'm going to practice today. I need the reassurance that my method will work. Hopefully it will just stay as a practice.
I know drowning is considered one of the worst ways to die. But I don't have the luxury of many options. I have benzos which I would take beforehand and the whole 'water filling and burning the lungs' thing is not accurate. I went and researched this yesterday and for most people the trachea seals off before the lungs can get much water in. The lungs filling with water usually happens after you've passed out from lack of oxygen.
Anyway, thank you for reading and thanks to all the people who have talked to me and answered questions and have just generally been kind. I'll stay here as long as I can.
