Rainork
What a load of baloney
- Mar 17, 2023
- 73
Urgh, I'm losing hope in ever succeeding to ctb.
Who would've thought taking a human life would be so difficult?
I'm tired of failing and slowly losing my motivation to carry out plans to ctb.
Failed attempt after failed attempt has left me feeling almost like a fraud, doubting my own intentions as surely if I wanted to die, then by now I would be dead?
I have reconnected with a like-minded friend recently who has resigned himself to the pain of life, stating something about embracing the pain of life almost as a punishment to himself having given up on any attempts to ctb after too many fails.
To see the way the lack of hope has squeezed any light from within him and left him with a certain dullness about him has left me fearful to resign in such a way.
I would rather be a rotting corpse 6ft under than a living human rotting beneath the surface.
Honestly, fuck SI and fuck everything about how hard it is to successfully ctb.
On a slightly more positive note, I have successfully scouted and planned around a certain location and method (previous attempt was stopped due to factors but I have all the information needed to hopefully avoid this to repeat and be successful, as long as I can find a way to step over the edge).
I'm just hitting a point of feeling 'what's the point of trying?' after my consistent pattern of fucking it up or being taken over by SI, also resulting in fucking it up.
Who would've thought taking a human life would be so difficult?
I'm tired of failing and slowly losing my motivation to carry out plans to ctb.
Failed attempt after failed attempt has left me feeling almost like a fraud, doubting my own intentions as surely if I wanted to die, then by now I would be dead?
I have reconnected with a like-minded friend recently who has resigned himself to the pain of life, stating something about embracing the pain of life almost as a punishment to himself having given up on any attempts to ctb after too many fails.
To see the way the lack of hope has squeezed any light from within him and left him with a certain dullness about him has left me fearful to resign in such a way.
I would rather be a rotting corpse 6ft under than a living human rotting beneath the surface.
Honestly, fuck SI and fuck everything about how hard it is to successfully ctb.
On a slightly more positive note, I have successfully scouted and planned around a certain location and method (previous attempt was stopped due to factors but I have all the information needed to hopefully avoid this to repeat and be successful, as long as I can find a way to step over the edge).
I'm just hitting a point of feeling 'what's the point of trying?' after my consistent pattern of fucking it up or being taken over by SI, also resulting in fucking it up.
