M
mediocre
trapped here
- Nov 9, 2019
- 1,442
I never used to cry. Up until recently I probably hadn't shed tears for about 14 years. Now I can burst into tears several times a day I feel so overwhelmed with my physical health and my constant anxiety that I've been dealing with for years. I live on my own and I'm alone 99% of the time. Sometimes I wander aimlessly around my flat I don't know what do do. I never feel calm anymore. I used to go out sometimes but now I have no energy or will to go out at all. My GP doesn't listen. Doctors don't listen. My family doesn't listen. I'm left constantly trying to self-diagnose myself which is what my GP and doctors are supposed to do. I'm sitting around every day waiting for a gastroscopy appointment at the end of the month. The healthcare system is unbearably slow, not just for me but for everyone. I'm terrified that it won't show anything and I'll be dismissed. Then I'll have to back to my GP and explain my symptoms yet again. I've already done it several times. He thinks because I have aspergers its all in my head. I'm spoken down to like I'm stupid. There is no empathy, compassion or understanding. He just prescribes me generic pain medication which does absolutely nothing. I am so stressed I can barely function and I don't even have a job or any responsibilites unlike most people on SS and in the real world. This forum and all you amazing people is the only thing thats given me a little bit of hope. It's comforting to know that there are a lot of others out there who can understand the pain. I was adamant I was going to cbt in October and wasn't going to bother pursing treatment. Then I found this place and decided to give it a try. But I still have no faith in doctors or the healthcare system and I may cbt soon in December. The last thing I want is to start another year feeling like this. What I really want is someone to listen to me and try to help me but I know through dealing with doctors that this is impossible. It doesn't help that I have family who say "sometimes you just have to deal with the pain and go about your life" that would be okay if I had a diagnosis and guidance on how to deal with my pain. The people that tell me this are diagnosed with specific conditions. I am not. I'm not an angry person but when I'm told this I just want to lash out and punch them. I don't know whats wrong with me and nobody is interested to find out.
If you've read this thank you so much for listening and I'm sorry if I've rambled on too much.
I really appreciate everyone on this forum.
If you've read this thank you so much for listening and I'm sorry if I've rambled on too much.
I really appreciate everyone on this forum.