Venting Feeling less than almost everyone for being mentally ill

[mcrmybeloved]

For the past three years my mental health have been declining non stop and finally it got some what better but I been feeling less than my friends and family because I'm currently doing nothing with my life when everyone is doing their thing but I got stuck because of my mental illness, the current almost none progress of my transition and other personal things.

For context I graduated late this year when all my friends did last year, I couldn't get into my dream school because of that, now I have to redo the admission exam when last year I got an amazing score, I'm not working at the time for personal reasons but the most important is that I havent finish the process for changing my legal name (I'm trans and I do not want to keep dealing with my deadname and it's all I can do at the moment to feel better as I can't take testosterone yet).

All this isn't really a problem because I know why everything is the way it is right know, I'm smart and not graduating on time because I was mostly trying to ctb and that has nothing to do with my intelligence but the way other people make me feel about it is horrible, even my own friends ask me if I'm really going to keep studying as if they didn't knew the reason I'm not, I mean I got the highest score in the admission exam among my friends and just two of us were eligibles for studying there and I was so excited about it because as I said it's my dream school and I'm still going to try and get in again but is so frustrating that they treat me like a lost case.

I can breath the judgment whenever I tell someone that I'm not working nor studying for my mental health, and when it's not judgment they straight up start talking to me as if I was some kind of sick kid that needs 24/7 medical attention and have to stay in bed for life and for some reason emphasizing how I am a burden to my parents because their son is mentally ill and transgender wich they see as double trouble.

I am more than my mental illness I am a person with feelings, goals and my own life but not even I seem to notice.

 

[FuneralCry]

In this cruel world people certainly can be so insensitive and it's awful how they can be so dismissive of what other people go through. I just think the unfortunate reality is that many people won't even try to understand what other people go through. It does sound tiring being trapped in that situation but anyway best wishes.