Venting Feeling Insecure for No Good Reason

[Unsure and Useless]

I thought I was somewhat recovering from my suicidal ideation, but I guess I was wrong.

This is a real stupid reason to slide back into a depressive episode, but it basically just started because I was playing chess with a friend of mine while some other friends watched. I'm not really good at anything, so I knew that I wasn't going to perform well; however, I thought I'd give it a try because it's just a game.

Obviously, with how stupid and unskilled I am, I didn't do well. In fact, I did terrible, but it didn't matter until someone started to point it out.

"You're so bad at this."
"This is so painful to watch."
"That was the most terrible move you could've made."

And suddenly, I became depressed. I know I'm useless, and I know I'm bad at anything I try to do, yet the fact that this was so obvious to so many others made just want to die. If I can't even be useful in something as insignificant as a game, how could I be useful in anything more important?

I can't contribute anything to anyone. I'm just so, so, so useless to the point where it's not even funny. It feels like it would be better if I just ended myself so that I wouldn't have to feel the persistent burden of being defective and worthless.

And I feel even more upset that I feel like this. I'm not a kid anymore, yet I get all depressed over a single board game.

I know I'm acting like an idiot, so feel free to say so.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Often when it seems we are getting upset over trivial things, those trivial things were just the straw on the camel's back that tipped us over. It's not really about the game. Those people's shitty comments would upset anyone.

If I can't even be useful in something as insignificant as a game, how could I be useful in anything more important?

Your skill in a particular game doesn't have any bearing on anything else and in any case your right to existence isn't contingent on your utility to other people.

 

[Linda]

Most people are no good at most things, but competent (or even good) at a small number of things. If I spent all my time worrying about the things I'm no good at, I would very soon get depressed. So most of my attention and effort goes into the few things that I know how to do. There will certainly be some things that you can do to a reasonable standard. Just don't let your insecurities stop you from discovering them.