Feeling guilty for not doing things immediately when people want me to

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I am 20 and still live with my parents. So I'm expected to help with work around the house. I do try my best. However when my mother decides I have to do it now she gets annoyed and angry when I am to depressed and won't do it right away. If she'd just tell me what to do so I could plan doing it when I feel better there would be no problem.

Everytime she gets angry I get angry at myself for being to depressed and tired to get myself to do these things. I can't even bring myself to study and it just gets worse as the days go by. I'm also really tired all the time because of insomnia, iron deficiency and of course depression. I just can't seem to do the work when I so desperately want to ctb all the time.

How can I change this? Every time this happens I feel ashamed and guilty. I can't deal with the feeling and my immediate impulse is to self harm. I'm trying not to but it's hard.


What do I do?

 

[fwompie]

I am 20 and still live with my parents. So I'm expected to help with work around the house. I do try my best. However when my mother decides I have to do it now she gets annoyed and angry when I am to depressed and won't do it right away. If she'd just tell me what to do so I could plan doing it when I feel better there would be no problem.

Everytime she gets angry I get angry at myself for being to depressed and tired to get myself to do these things. I can't even bring myself to study and it just gets worse as the days go by. I'm also really tired all the time because of insomnia, iron deficiency and of course depression. I just can't seem to do the work when I so desperately want to ctb all the time.

How can I change this? Every time this happens I feel ashamed and guilty. I can't deal with the feeling and my immediate impulse is to self harm. I'm trying not to but it's hard.


What do I do?

Does she know about your depression and medical stuff?

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

Does she know about your depression and medical stuff?

Yes. She knows I've been depressed since my early teen years. I was admitted to the psychiatry once after a failed ctb attempt. She brought me to the hospital. That happened 3 years ago.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't know how you could change that feeling but I can tell you you do not have to feel guilty for that in any case! You mum should have more understanding for you situation and depression. Are you still in therapy or with meds to treat it?

 

[fwompie]

Yes. She knows I've been depressed since my early teen years. I was admitted to the psychiatry once after a failed ctb attempt. She brought me to the hospital. That happened 3 years ago.

In that case it's a shame she doesn't see your symptoms as symptoms. Have you tried talking to her about how it affects you? That perhaps sometimes you find it hard to do little things, that you'll get to it but that she just has to have a little patience. Definitely mention that you feel pressured, ashamed and guilty.
Sometimes parents can be in such denial that their child is not doing well.

It sucks and I'm sorry she acts like this, it's not supportive at all.

What helped me in a similar situation was explaining how I felt during those times and telling my parents what to expect, and how they could help. You're ill, you deserve patience and support

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I don't know how you could change that feeling but I can tell you you do not have to feel guilty for that in any case! You mum should have more understanding for you situation and depression. Are you still in therapy or with meds to treat it?

I'm in group therapy to get an indication letter for Sex Reassignment Surgery. The only thing we're talking about is gender dysphoria. I can't be completely open with my therapist and the others because I risk not getting the letter. My hope of getting that letter is the only thing that is keeping me from ctb. If I were to fail an attempt I won't get that letter. I desperately need it to keep going. I'm not on medication. I also can't ask for it without being at risk that they'll deny me that letter. The mental health system sucks in regards to transsexual people in my country. If you're not deemed mentally stable enough by your therapist you won't get the letter you need for surgery. Even if you intend to pay your own way you still need that letter from a therapist or no surgeon will operate on you. There's no way around it. The waiting times are also horrendous. Over 75 therapists weren't even able to put me on the waiting lists because of the amount of people seeking treatment. I was fortunate to get that therapy place 4 hours away from home in a relatively short period of time. Most therapists I contacted had waiting times over 3 years. The conditions are horrendous.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm in group therapy to get an indication letter for Sex Reassignment Surgery. The only thing we're talking about is gender dysphoria. I can't be completely open with my therapist and the others because I risk not getting the letter. My hope of getting that letter is the only thing that is keeping me from ctb. If I were to fail an attempt I won't get that letter. I desperately need it to keep going. I'm not on medication. I also can't ask for it without being at risk that they'll deny me that letter. The mental health system sucks in regards to transsexual people in my country. If you're not deemed mentally stable enough by your therapist you won't get the letter you need for surgery. Even if you intend to pay your own way you still need that letter from a therapist or no surgeon will operate on you. There's no way around it. The waiting times are also horrendous. Over 75 therapists weren't even able to put me on the waiting lists because of the amount of people seeking treatment. I was fortunate to get that therapy place 4 hours away from home in a relatively short period of time. Most therapists I contacted had waiting times over 3 years. The conditions are horrendous.

This sounds so horrible what you have to go through. I really wish you all the best and hope you get that letter asap!!

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

In that case it's a shame she doesn't see your symptoms as symptoms. Have you tried talking to her about how it affects you? That perhaps sometimes you find it hard to do little things, that you'll get to it but that she just has to have a little patience. Definitely mention that you feel pressured, ashamed and guilty.
Sometimes parents can be in such denial that their child is not doing well.

It sucks and I'm sorry she acts like this, it's not supportive at all.

What helped me in a similar situation was explaining how I felt during those times and telling my parents what to expect, and how they could help. You're ill, you deserve patience and support

I talked to her about it. I did that multiple times throughout the years. It works one day just to happen again the next time.

I appreciate your response. I wish I could show her how hard it is but in her eyes I'm just lazy. She blames everything on my iron deficiency and doesn't see depression as actual hindrance to do these things. She most likely thinks my depression steems from the iron deficiency. At least it seems like it to me. Especially because she seems to thinks that every aspect of depression will go away if I just take the supplements for a female months.

When I talked to her a few minutes ago she said that I need to learn to be more spontaneous. She doesn't get it. I don't think she'll ever get it at this point tbh.

This sounds so horrible what you have to go through. I really wish you all the best and hope you get that letter asap!!

Thank you. I appreciate it. There are a number of Requirements for getting that letter. One is that we have to be in therapy for a certain amount of time. So I'll hopefully get it at the beginning of next year. Health insurance pays for therapy every two years. So after I finished the group therapy I'll need to wait for two years before I can go to therapy again. I'm a student so I can't afford to pay for it on my own. Everthing would be better if I weren't trans. It sucks so much.

 

[Dogged fellow]

Yes. She knows I've been depressed since my early teen years. I was admitted to the psychiatry once after a failed ctb attempt. She brought me to the hospital. That happened 3 years ago.

To be honest this sounds like it mostly isnt your fault i can honestly just recomend trying to bring up how difficult this is for you and basically making sure to explain that you are willing to do your tasks but often just kinda delayed due to your struggles. Depression isnt your fault you didnt decide to be depressed if someone has a sever headache and asks to do something later because of it no one bats an eye your situation isnt any different.