Feeling guilty for defiling someone's 'innocent' outlook on life

[UnrulyNightmare]

Like the title says really.
Someone said I should be honest with them. So I was
And for the first time I felt bad for speaking my mind about why I feel like not wanting to live this world/society.

It felt like I defiled someones way more positive view on life with my "darkness" aka my reality. I wondered out loud how anyone could want to live in, let alone bring children into, this world full of pain, war, famine, abuse etc. Just to proceed and ignore all those bad things as long as they themselves didn't have those issues.

And the other person just went quiet and it was almost like a light went out for a few moments.

And suddenly I felt like such an ass because they very clearly ignore all those issues and just happily live their (young) life.

Anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it? I've never felt like a villain or a bad person but that moment of darkness that came over them.. felt horrible..

I know everyone lives in their own reality and everyone sees and experiences the world differently. But I don't really want to drag people out of their comfortable ignorance just to feel as bad as I do.

And then somewhere I do because I think it's the only way to change those issues. Ignoring it isn't going to change a thing.

My question being what do you think?
Do you feel bad for making, or trying to, get other people to see the world as you see it?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Personally, I wouldn't care if other people see the world the way I do. In actuality, I wish that everybody can see the world the way I do. It pisses me off how people take a nice lie over the harsh truth. They should learn that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and I'd have no guilt in making people realise that. Unfortunately, it's pointless to make people realise the truth as they're just surviving in autopilot without even thinking about any of the stuff that we do

 

[JaegerCA]

Like the title says really.
Someone said I should be honest with them. So I was
And for the first time I felt bad for speaking my mind about why I feel like not wanting to live this world/society.

It felt like I defiled someones way more positive view on life with my "darkness" aka my reality. I wondered out loud how anyone could want to live in, let alone bring children into, this world full of pain, war, famine, abuse etc. Just to proceed and ignore all those bad things as long as they themselves didn't have those issues.

And the other person just went quiet and it was almost like a light went out for a few moments.

And suddenly I felt like such an ass because they very clearly ignore all those issues and just happily live their (young) life.

Anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it? I've never felt like a villain or a bad person but that moment of darkness that came over them.. felt horrible..

I know everyone lives in their own reality and everyone sees and experiences the world differently. But I don't really want to drag people out of their comfortable ignorance just to feel as bad as I do.

And then somewhere I do because I think it's the only way to change those issues. Ignoring it isn't going to change a thing.

My question being what do you think?
Do you feel bad for making, or trying to, get other people to see the world as you see it?

Same. I think it's good if you can kinda point someone younger than you in the right direction, so they don't end up like you. Small shit like encouraging them to get a driver's license early, working out, helping them with little shit like math, not wasting their life on a computer. They might end up like some regular idiot in a cookie cutter life, but better happy than fucked.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not so much that I feel like I've changed someone's own perspective of the world. More that now and then, I slip and reveal just how negatively I feel/see things and I think that makes people worry about me. Which is pointless really because there's nothing they can do to help. So, I feel bad when that happens. People are quick to forget though fortunately. If I go back to relative small talk the next time, they seem to just assume they caught me in a bad moment.

But yeah, I do also feel like I've lowered the mood too a lot of the time. Really though, I speak to so few people now. Only really people who are already as depressed as me or, my Dad. I deliberately avoid other people because I'm not sure how long I can keep up an optimistic charade for.

Maybe you shouldn't worry too much though. Weren't you quite strong minded when you were young? I don't think anyone could have told me what to think.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Personally, I wouldn't care if other people see the world the way I do. In actuality, I wish that everybody can see the world the way I do. It pisses me off how people take a nice lie over the harsh truth. They should learn that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and I'd have no guilt in making people realise that. Unfortunately, it's pointless to make people realise the truth as they're just surviving in autopilot without even thinking about any of the stuff that we do

I completely agree! Until I did and I felt like shit
Yeah I suppose it won't stick anyways

It's not so much that I feel like I've changed someone's own perspective of the world. More that now and then, I slip and reveal just how negatively I feel/see things and I think that makes people worry about me. Which is pointless really because there's nothing they can do to help. So, I feel bad when that happens. People are quick to forget though fortunately. If I go back to relative small talk the next time, they seem to just assume they caught me in a bad moment.

But yeah, I do also feel like I've lowered the mood too a lot of the time. Really though, I speak to so few people now. Only really people who are already as depressed as me or, my Dad. I deliberately avoid other people because I'm not sure how long I can keep up an optimistic charade for.

Maybe you shouldn't worry too much though. Weren't you quite strong minded when you were young? I don't think anyone could have told me what to think.

Ooh yesss. Those slip ups... Or jokes way too dark in my case

The optimistic charade can be so tough!

I'm still as stubborn as a mule as I was back then, that's very true
I was however also very susceptible to other people's view of reality. But you are right. Not enough to change to the opinion the world is beautiful or something.
I was just wondering if I was alone in feeling bad for it I supose.

 

[Themogger]

This is why I don't get into political or religious debates. People are happier when they have something to believe in, why deny them of that? Besides, I could always be wrong

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

This is why I don't get into political or religious debates. People are happier when they have something to believe in, why deny them of that? Besides, I could always be wrong

Fair enough.

 

[Kalista]

I know everyone lives in their own reality and everyone sees and experiences the world differently. But I don't really want to drag people out of their comfortable ignorance just to feel as bad as I do.

ignorance is bliss, but that's the problem -- ignorance.

people need to see the other side of this issue to understand why we feel and think this way. otherwise, you'll have ignorant comments being thrown at you every time you speak your mind. this issue needs to be challenged if we are to be heard and understood. while it doesn't have to be you, it should be challenged and made aware nonetheless.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

ignorance is bliss, but that's the problem -- ignorance.

people need to see the other side of this issue to understand why we feel and think this way. otherwise, you'll have ignorant comments being thrown at you every time you speak your mind. this issue needs to be challenged if we are to be heard and understood. while it doesn't have to be you, it should be challenged and made aware nonetheless.

Even at the cost of possibly ruining someone's enjoyment of their life?

I completely agree ignorance solves nothing. And I won't lie to spare someones feelings. Just.. avoid sharing my views mostly I suppose.

 

[maniac116]

Like the title says really.
Someone said I should be honest with them. So I was
And for the first time I felt bad for speaking my mind about why I feel like not wanting to live this world/society.

It felt like I defiled someones way more positive view on life with my "darkness" aka my reality. I wondered out loud how anyone could want to live in, let alone bring children into, this world full of pain, war, famine, abuse etc. Just to proceed and ignore all those bad things as long as they themselves didn't have those issues.

And the other person just went quiet and it was almost like a light went out for a few moments.

And suddenly I felt like such an ass because they very clearly ignore all those issues and just happily live their (young) life.

Anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it? I've never felt like a villain or a bad person but that moment of darkness that came over them.. felt horrible..

I know everyone lives in their own reality and everyone sees and experiences the world differently. But I don't really want to drag people out of their comfortable ignorance just to feel as bad as I do.

And then somewhere I do because I think it's the only way to change those issues. Ignoring it isn't going to change a thing.

My question being what do you think?
Do you feel bad for making, or trying to, get other people to see the world as you see it?

I think if you feel bad about what you said then just tell them you're sorry for the way you came off.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Same. I think it's good if you can kinda point someone younger than you in the right direction, so they don't end up like you. Small shit like encouraging them to get a driver's license early, working out, helping them with little shit like math, not wasting their life on a computer. They might end up like some regular idiot in a cookie cutter life, but better happy than fucked.

I'm not talking quite that young. Guess I feel a lot older than I am. I'm talking someone in their mid/end twenties.
But yes I get what you mean! :)

I think if you feel bad about what you said then just tell them you're sorry for the way you came off.

Yeah.. I felt bad. But then I also don't feel bad. Its.. complicated



It's a battle between the urge to make people see life isn't just beautiful so they can help change it for the better and my instinct to not hurt others I guess.

I'll carefully ask the next time I see them if it actually bothered them.

Not going to apologize for my opinion though since they explicity asked for it.

Thank you for the advice .

 

[abusedanimal6]

It's better they are told how dark this reality is than learning it by a bad experience

 

[whydidthishappen]

I disagree with a some these comments…to a point. It really REALLY depends on the negative source from which it is. If you're a friend to them- don't do it.

If you feel you are not equipped or are doing more harm to dump on people your negative worldview- then you are probably right. I've been deeply harmed by people I invested time in just to find out they were trying to hurt me, even if they maybe didn't originally intend it or not. Lots of old people possess wisdom on such matters, and it can even be excused for others as the presence of pain but that doesn't justify being a trash person and bringing them down to your level of hatred and anger and sadness. Sometimes…..it's just outright manipulative and a really negative human tactic.
Personally If I plan on dying I don't want to bring anyone down here anymore, it's not fair to them or me.

Now, if it's someone who is on your plane of existence and can handle the negative worldview - that's fair. Otherwise. No.

It's better they are told how dark this reality is than learning it by a bad experience

Yeah except when and if that person IS the Bad Experience. It's not helpful. Why does everyone think we can just say whatever we want?

Words can do harm

 

[landslide2]

I don't step into the politics and philosophy forum. I've observed the world for some time. Growing up my father would put on the world news every night. As a result I went through life keeping up with lots of domestic and world news. I've watched the patterns of humanity far too long and too extensively and indeed the world sucks.

This is one of the modern struggles more people are having to wrestle with. How to live life all the while knowing so and so horrible shit is happening to such and such people right this very minute, and not necessarily so far away, but also far away. Then there's the decades of climate denial, a planet ravaged, and now we have microplastics in our testicles and brain tissue. Did you know maybe only 10% of plastic is recycled? Of course to make plastic you use fossil fuels.

I try to keep it to myself but when so much is fucked in the world it's hard sometimes.

 

[kunikuzushi]

My partner often asks me to tell them why I'm feeling so bad all the time, so I explained how meaningless life is because we're just going to die eventually and lose everything, and how I don't see the point of being tortured every day instead of just killing myself. And they were very disturbed by it.

I forgot people use ignorance as a coping mechanism and don't like to think about death. I don't really feel guilty, but I stopped talking about that stuff to them because they should cope with life how they want to.

 

[bandoscii]

I think comments here are focusing on and discussing sharing our worldview with intent to change someone else's.
But I want to focus more on the guilt that you experienced. The person you talked to asked you themselves and wanted you to answer honestly. It's not your fault if they couldn't cope with it. You were just asked to answer and you did, you didn't want to change their worldview or harm them, just to answer what they prompted. If they can't handle honest answers, they shouldn't ask for them. So I don't see any reason why you should feel guilty and not them for asking you to be vulnerable and the next second showing being uncomfortable from that vulnerability or honesty. Then why the hell ask for it?

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I disagree with a some these comments…to a point. It really REALLY depends on the negative source from which it is. If you're a friend to them- don't do it.

If you feel you are not equipped or are doing more harm to dump on people your negative worldview- then you are probably right. I've been deeply harmed by people I invested time in just to find out they were trying to hurt me, even if they maybe didn't originally intend it or not. Lots of old people possess wisdom on such matters, and it can even be excused for others as the presence of pain but that doesn't justify being a trash person and bringing them down to your level of hatred and anger and sadness. Sometimes…..it's just outright manipulative and a really negative human tactic.
Personally If I plan on dying I don't want to bring anyone down here anymore, it's not fair to them or me.

Now, if it's someone who is on your plane of existence and can handle the negative worldview - that's fair. Otherwise. No.

Yeah except when and if that person IS the Bad Experience. It's not helpful. Why does everyone think we can just say whatever we want?

Words can do harm

Yeah I hear you. That was my view on it mostly as well. Never want to do any harm where I can avoid it!

But it also got me thinking, how will the world ever change for the better if everyone who does see its pain and cruelty doesn't say a word?
Is it then solely on us to fight it? Or do we stick our heads in the sand as well in order to survive?

In this case it was someone who 100% should be able to handle it btw. Not a friend either.

Also, why should we not talk about it to avoid hurting people, when others are allowed to talk about how awesome their view of the world is to us? Doesn't matter if it hurt us or not?
Because we're alreasy "down"?

Maybe it's really an it differs per person answer.
And never with the intention to bring someone down! Rather to motivate them to do better.
But the again, they do say 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

Tricky stuff.

I don't step into the politics and philosophy forum. I've observed the world for some time. Growing up my father would put on the world news every night. As a result I went through life keeping up with lots of domestic and world news. I've watched the patterns of humanity far too long and too extensively and indeed the world sucks.

This is one of the modern struggles more people are having to wrestle with. How to live life all the while knowing so and so horrible shit is happening to such and such people right this very minute, and not necessarily so far away, but also far away. Then there's the decades of climate denial, a planet ravaged, and now we have microplastics in our testicles and brain tissue. Did you know maybe only 10% of plastic is recycled? Of course to make plastic you use fossil fuels.

I try to keep it to myself but when so much is fucked in the world it's hard sometimes.

Precisely! My real question was more about how do you handle it? The guilt of knowing and sharing. Or of knowing and not sharing.
I didn't really intent for it to be about if we should or should not share but rather how to deal with the fallout of either.

And I knew it was low, but not 10% low. One more reason to try avoid using plastic and more natural reasources instead.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Only here and in some subreddits like the efilism & pessimism subreddits and Twitter, have I aluded to how bad life and this prison world are.

I have challenged some normies in real life about the meaningless sub addictions like sports, news, youtube, social media, having children, marriage , romantic relationship.

They are left like deer in the headlights .

For example:

Normie: how is this sports football team doing?
Me. I don't watch sports.
Normie: ????
Me : why should i , why are watching sports football important?
Normie: it's entertaining exciting . U need a break. Work life balance. You need to enjoy yourself
Me : no it's not , not to me. It's not objectively important, it's meaningless garbage . I don't want to
Normie: walks away

You can substitute having children , and even the insurmountable romantic relationship for the sports . No one can tell me why I have to do any of that garbage or even live . There is no reason. And I do ask why to everything

Normie: you don't want children
Me : no why . That's too much work . Why? Why ?

No one even here can tell me why I have to do anything at all

I call these meaningless sub addictions because they are sub addictions of the main addiction the pro-life addiction and the " I " addiction: " I want to live because I want to watch utube sports media, etc

The pessimism subreddit :

 

[Cress]

To be honest I'm a pretty dark person as well And of course I've encountered all kinds of people who were relentlessly positive. Some people call it toxic positivity I guess.

Making someone see The world the way you do doesn't mean they have to internalize and accept it. I view state of mind and perspective as modular they can be swapped in and out Based on a persons needs. If you truly want to limit your bias towards people's views I think that might be the best way to handle it.

Would I feel bad for someone because they struggle to Compartmentalize a frame of mind because they struggled to separate it from their own? Outside of a child no I can't say I do. That's what being an adult means you're able to Be exposed to the full horrors of life.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I think comments here are focusing on and discussing sharing our worldview with intent to change someone else's.
But I want to focus more on the guilt that you experienced. The person you talked to asked you themselves and wanted you to answer honestly. It's not your fault if they couldn't cope with it. You were just asked to answer and you did, you didn't want to change their worldview or harm them, just to answer what they prompted. If they can't handle honest answers, they shouldn't ask for them. So I don't see any reason why you should feel guilty and not them for asking you to be vulnerable and the next second showing being uncomfortable from that vulnerability or honesty. Then why the hell ask for it?

Thank you so much

I think she just slipped. And she had no idea 'I was this bad'. Yet. Now she does..

I'm an avid reader of body language
I miss very little. If we had had more time I would have talked it over with her more. We decided to continue the talk next time instead.
And that's when I started to feel so bad about it.. Because when she asked, I didn't know it would wobble her. But now I do. So planning on continuing with the topic is distressing me.

But you are right as always, she asked. I answered. So whether it's right or wrong, it's also not my place to make the decision on whether she can handle it or not.
Just wish my feelings agreed.

Only here and in some subreddits like the efilism & pessimism subreddits and Twitter, have I aluded to how bad life and this prison world are.

I have challenged some normies in real life about the meaningless sub addictions like sports, news, youtube, social media, having children, marriage , romantic relationship.

They are left like deer in the headlights .

For example:

Normie: how is this sports football team doing?
Me. I don't watch sports.
Normie: ????
Me : why should i , why are watching sports football important?
Normie: it's entertaining exciting . U need a break. Work life balance. You need to enjoy yourself
Me : no it's not , not to me. It's not objectively important, it's meaningless garbage . I don't want to
Normie: walks away

You can substitute having children , and even the insurmountable romantic relationship for the sports . No one can tell me why I have to do any of that garbage or even live . There is no reason. And I do ask why to everything

Normie: you don't want children
Me : no why . That's too much work . Why? Why ?

No one even here can tell me why I have to do anything at all

I call these meaningless sub addictions because they are sub addictions to the main addict the pro-life addiction the " I " addiction: " I want to live because I want to watch utube sports media

Very interesting take on it.
I gather you don't enjoy anything at all, in which case it must be aweful to be alive
I'm glad you are comfortable enough to share it with me! :)

To be honest I'm a pretty dark person as well And of course I've encountered all kinds of people who were relentlessly positive. Some people call it toxic positivity I guess.

Making someone see The world the way you do doesn't mean they have to internalize and accept it. I view state of mind and perspective as modular they can be swapped in and out Based on a persons needs. If you truly want to limit your bias towards people's views I think that might be the best way to handle it.

Would I feel bad for someone because they struggle to Compartmentalize a frame of mind because they struggled to separate it from their own? Outside of a child no I can't say I do. That's what being an adult means you're able to Be exposed to the full horrors of life.

Very well put. Thank you!

You're saying that the moment when their "light dimmed" it wasn't as much as them accepting my view or it clashing with theirs as much as them experiencing/feeling what I was showing them?
Which in this case might be very true indeed.

But is that really what being an adult means? We are very aware of the intellect and introspection needed for such coping methods. And I dare suggest most 'happy' people might not be capable of it, or aren't trained to see it that way.
Is it then still not on me when I know what I will tell them will hurt them?
Because being "an adult" also means you have no excuse to hurt people unnecessarily, at least it does in my eyes.

You opened up an entirely new debate in my mind haha thanks !

 

[whydidthishappen]

Yeah I hear you. That was my view on it mostly as well. Never want to do any harm where I can avoid it!

But it also got me thinking, how will the world ever change for the better if everyone who does see its pain and cruelty doesn't say a word?
Is it then solely on us to fight it? Or do we stick our heads in the sand as well in order to survive?

In this case it was someone who 100% should be able to handle it btw. Not a friend either.

Also, why should we not talk about it to avoid hurting people, when others are allowed to talk about how awesome their view of the world is to us? Doesn't matter if it hurt us or not?
Because we're alreasy "down"?

Maybe it's really an it differs per person answer.
And never with the intention to bring someone down! Rather to motivate them to do better.
But the again, they do say 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

Tricky stuff.


Precisely! My real question was more about how do you handle it? The guilt of knowing and sharing. Or of knowing and not sharing.
I didn't really intent for it to be about if we should or should not share but rather how to deal with the fallout of either.

And I knew it was low, but not 10% low. One more reason to try avoid using plastic and more natural reasources instead.

What do you mean someone 100% able to handle it???
If it's not a friend then? Why would you even bother on a person?

Because people do harm to others. Especially if they use a position of power to hurt someone in a vulnerable state. I was that person. They never should have interfered on my life. But they did. Even told me to go off my meds.

An older man who lied. And took my love and attention and ultimately naivety and instability and used it for his self important grandiosity. And he was apparently suffering from a very rare disease. Does that make his suffering more important than my safety? I was a young woman who was mentally unstable and did not know how to set boundaries. See? That's how. People are sick. He should have kept his fucking head in the sand. Sorry but holy shit.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

What do you mean someone 100% able to handle it???
If it's not a friend then? Why would you even bother on a person?

Because people do harm to others. Especially if they use a position of power to hurt someone in a vulnerable state. I was that person. They never should have interfered on my life. But they did. Even told me to go off my meds.

An older man who lied. And took my love and attention and ultimately naivety and instability and used it for his self important grandiosity. And he was apparently suffering from a very rare disease. Does that make his suffering more important than my safety? I was a young woman who was mentally unstable and did not know how to set boundaries. See? That's how. People are sick. He should have kept his fucking head in the sand. Sorry but holy shit.

A mental health worker. They asked me why I was suicidal. I answered and they felt what I see. So I felt bad.

But their profession doesn't influence my question about feeling bad for making people see the world my way so left that part out. Since at some point I might want to be able to talk to someone else, but without scarring them preferably

I'm sorry for what you went through! I do have the feeling we're talking about two very different things here though.