sorararara
not much to look at
- Feb 12, 2023
- 50
ahh first time posting here, i'm scared :').. apologies for grammar or spelling mistakes. kinda panicking rn
edit// i'm a uni student btw, i know school is supposed to get more difficult but idk i'm just irritated
yeah, i realize this sounds stupid, but here's some context for why this bothers me so damn much:
i suck at everything, i fail at anything and everything, no matter how hard i try. my determination, the amount of years i put into a hobby, the amount of hard work i put into improving my skills at certain things never matters. i've sorta brought this up with my family a few times before, and their response is always either "just keep trying" or "you're smart".
i appreciate their efforts to make me feel better, but being smart isn't a talent to me. for the most part, i've always had good grades. my grades/"smarts" are the only thing that defines me now, no one cares about anything i do.. my grades are all that matter so i do absolutely everything i can to keep them up. my gpa has always been above 3.5, i think. i hate it so much. i want a perfect gpa. it's not realistic, but i need to be a perfect student. i'll have absolutely no defining traits if i have average grades. i currently have a 3.8, and everyone around me tells me to stop worrying about it because "i'll be able to bring it up".
lmao.. it has only gone down.. i have multiple B's now.
i took a test.. and now i have a B in chemistry.
i worked so damn hard. i dedicated so many hours every single day to maintaining a high A in chemistry. my hand is so cramped from the hours of taking notes, i can hardly even write anything, it hurts so much.. i spent like 10 hours every damn day studying. just for my grade to drop..
i've always felt suicidal for multiple (more valid :/) reasons but i was feeling okay for a few days.. i thought i was going to do well. i was so excited for myself, but now my gpa is lower than it ever was and i'm terrified. my grades are all anyone knows about me. i realize having a B-average is very good! it's about the average in the US! i'm not delusional!! but people only know me for my above average grades. if i'm average, i'll have literally nothing. i don't have a good personality, i'm not funny, and i'm not good at anything; now i'm average in school as well! i never even thought i was smart, a letter doesn't define how smart you truly are, but everyone seems to think it does.
i feel like i've let people down? everyone thought i would be able to raise the grade but it's only getting worse.
i'm sorry if this sounds ridiculous or dumb, but it's really bothering me. school is the only thing i've ever been good at, but i'm just getting worse. the only thing i have EVER been recognized for.. and i'm only getting worse and worse at it.
i would be less bothered if i didn't work so hard. so many days wasted, just for me to NOT reach my goal? it's so frustrating.
(no, extra credit is not an option :/)
thank you for reading, i just really needed to get this out, i've never been able to discuss it in detail
edit// i'm a uni student btw, i know school is supposed to get more difficult but idk i'm just irritated
yeah, i realize this sounds stupid, but here's some context for why this bothers me so damn much:
i suck at everything, i fail at anything and everything, no matter how hard i try. my determination, the amount of years i put into a hobby, the amount of hard work i put into improving my skills at certain things never matters. i've sorta brought this up with my family a few times before, and their response is always either "just keep trying" or "you're smart".
i appreciate their efforts to make me feel better, but being smart isn't a talent to me. for the most part, i've always had good grades. my grades/"smarts" are the only thing that defines me now, no one cares about anything i do.. my grades are all that matter so i do absolutely everything i can to keep them up. my gpa has always been above 3.5, i think. i hate it so much. i want a perfect gpa. it's not realistic, but i need to be a perfect student. i'll have absolutely no defining traits if i have average grades. i currently have a 3.8, and everyone around me tells me to stop worrying about it because "i'll be able to bring it up".
lmao.. it has only gone down.. i have multiple B's now.
i took a test.. and now i have a B in chemistry.
i worked so damn hard. i dedicated so many hours every single day to maintaining a high A in chemistry. my hand is so cramped from the hours of taking notes, i can hardly even write anything, it hurts so much.. i spent like 10 hours every damn day studying. just for my grade to drop..
i've always felt suicidal for multiple (more valid :/) reasons but i was feeling okay for a few days.. i thought i was going to do well. i was so excited for myself, but now my gpa is lower than it ever was and i'm terrified. my grades are all anyone knows about me. i realize having a B-average is very good! it's about the average in the US! i'm not delusional!! but people only know me for my above average grades. if i'm average, i'll have literally nothing. i don't have a good personality, i'm not funny, and i'm not good at anything; now i'm average in school as well! i never even thought i was smart, a letter doesn't define how smart you truly are, but everyone seems to think it does.
i feel like i've let people down? everyone thought i would be able to raise the grade but it's only getting worse.
i'm sorry if this sounds ridiculous or dumb, but it's really bothering me. school is the only thing i've ever been good at, but i'm just getting worse. the only thing i have EVER been recognized for.. and i'm only getting worse and worse at it.
i would be less bothered if i didn't work so hard. so many days wasted, just for me to NOT reach my goal? it's so frustrating.
(no, extra credit is not an option :/)
thank you for reading, i just really needed to get this out, i've never been able to discuss it in detail
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