Feeling bitter

[Wyldfyre4948]

I really want to leave a scathing video for my wife when I go. Just absolutely rip into her for how she left and is refusing to even compromise. She knows me better than anyone so she knows exactly what I'm going through. I'm just about 8 days is our anniversary and I'm going to be buying my bus ticket the next day.

It's so hard being in that empty apartment all the time and then it's even worse when I try to sleep. The urge to leave a note that says "you could've stopped this but you left" is on my mind. I don't want to hurt her on my way out but goddamn did she paint me into a corner. I've lost just about everything now. My cat, my wife, my closest friend, and my therapist in less than 2 weeks. 3/4 of them were gone in a week.

Keep trying to think what I have to keep living for and I got nothing. When I first mentioned that I wanted to end my life my wife called me a coward.

Through it all I didn't verbally attack her or call her anything other than selfish (which I myself told her I'm guilty of being). I want to hurt her like she hurt me, but I also don't want to do that.

It would be so easy to lay down a nice guilt trip and then check out. Been dealing with anger problems my whole life and she's got me dipping back into them. This world sucks and honestly I'm not able to change and adapt. Won't be able to love or trust anyone at this rate either. Life really is a cruel joke to make you feel like you've got the one special person, and then boom it takes that away.

 

[dumpsterfire]

dont write that note, i'll be your voice of reason here. You're going to traumatize her more than you can imagine by doing that. I hope that your method works out well, you dont have to but you should tell her you love her in that note. rereading your post about the book idea to this it seems like you both had something absolutely special, but then again idk the whole situation. be safe out there traveler.

 

[sevenkarmas]

@Wildfire4984 - I think you responded on one of my threads. I 100% feel you. My 30th anniversary would be in 13 days. My divorce was final July 28. My lawyer was less than competent. I'm actually retaining less a month than my wife gets on SSDI (MS), while she ends up with four times that. Today she pushed even further. In my state, everything is community property. When she moved out and we sold the house, I let her take the expensive furniture, the paintings we had collected together over the last 10 years, a large chunk of a gun collection worth over $5000. I ended up with a beat up, eight year old sofa and a 7 year old bedroom set. I didn't want anything and if it made her happy, I was fine to part with it. She is now demanding that the court make me sell the remaining guns, some railroad items I've collected over the years (my Dad was a railroad worker), and the only car I have for transportation. She took our two huskies with her. She made our adult children cut off not only me, but my entire family. My mom has a great-grandchild that she will never get to see. If you would have asked me the same day that she left that she would be this vindictive, I would have said no way. It's like she gets off turning the screws tighter. She worked in the judge's courtroom while she was a court clerk. He did not recuse himself from the trial. Even though debt is community property, he intentionally left it out of the decree so that I would have to pay it by default. He's a fkn scumbag.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm making this about me, I just wanted to let you know I understand. I've also tortured myself over leaving a note. Early on, I thought I would not. I just wanted to check out. Now I'm not so sure. I still struggle with it. She has no connection with me at all, with the exception of the monthly pound of flesh I send for support. She would not be notified when I CTB as we no longer live together, we are not married, and she reverted back to her maiden name, which is another bizzarro story. I feel like the most effective way I could inflict pain is to send a 23 and me to my two youngest adult children on my way out. Let them figure it out.

I wish you the best. The number of men who CTB after divorce is crazy high. Society doesn't really give us a lot of options.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

dont write that note, i'll be your voice of reason here. You're going to traumatize her more than you can imagine by doing that. I hope that your method works out well, you dont have to but you should tell her you love her in that note. rereading your post about the book idea to this it seems like you both had something absolutely special, but then again idk the whole situation. be safe out there traveler.

I've already recorded some videos where I ask why she did this. It's laundry night and I had half the normal amount of clothes for the past month. If it's not heartbreak or a bit of anger I don't feel anything lately. At this point I'm not sure if she even cares. She left me in an apartment I can't afford and no car to get around. So I'm getting rides from coworkers and feeling like a moocher.

Leaving less than a day after my cat was put to sleep robbed me of being able to grieve losing him. This leaves me thinking she wants me to ctb. The damned mind of an overthinker trying to get answers when none are given.

 

[dumpsterfire]

I've already recorded some videos where I ask why she did this. It's laundry night and I had half the normal amount of clothes for the past month. If it's not heartbreak or a bit of anger I don't feel anything lately. At this point I'm not sure if she even cares. She left me in an apartment I can't afford and no car to get around. So I'm getting rides from coworkers and feeling like a moocher.

Leaving less than a day after my cat was put to sleep robbed me of being able to grieve losing him. This leaves me thinking she wants me to ctb. The damned mind of an overthinker trying to get answers when none are given.

damn man, why did she leave if you dont mind me asking? like did you guys fight or did she just dip? and yeah, dick move to leave less than a day after your cat died, i know that pain and i am so sorry that you have to feel that. im pro death, and im not preaching for you to get help or any bs like that, but if you do ever need to talk or anyth i got you, if you want advice or even just someone to listen i have more than enough time. I'd give it until you can't afford your apartment at all, no use in letting her money go to waste and no use having someone potentially find you in an apartment, depending on your preferred method.

 

[stage4johnny]

@Wildfire4984 - I think you responded on one of my threads. I 100% feel you. My 30th anniversary would be in 13 days. My divorce was final July 28. My lawyer was less than competent. I'm actually retaining less a month than my wife gets on SSDI (MS), while she ends up with four times that. Today she pushed even further. In my state, everything is community property. When she moved out and we sold the house, I let her take the expensive furniture, the paintings we had collected together over the last 10 years, a large chunk of a gun collection worth over $5000. I ended up with a beat up, eight year old sofa and a 7 year old bedroom set. I didn't want anything and if it made her happy, I was fine to part with it. She is now demanding that the court make me sell the remaining guns, some railroad items I've collected over the years (my Dad was a railroad worker), and the only car I have for transportation. She took our two huskies with her. She made our adult children cut off not only me, but my entire family. My mom has a great-grandchild that she will never get to see. If you would have asked me the same day that she left that she would be this vindictive, I would have said no way. It's like she gets off turning the screws tighter. She worked in the judge's courtroom while she was a court clerk. He did not recuse himself from the trial. Even though debt is community property, he intentionally left it out of the decree so that I would have to pay it by default. He's a fkn scumbag.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm making this about me, I just wanted to let you know I understand. I've also tortured myself over leaving a note. Early on, I thought I would not. I just wanted to check out. Now I'm not so sure. I still struggle with it. She has no connection with me at all, with the exception of the monthly pound of flesh I send for support. She would not be notified when I CTB as we no longer live together, we are not married, and she reverted back to her maiden name, which is another bizzarro story. I feel like the most effective way I could inflict pain is to send a 23 and me to my two youngest adult children on my way out. Let them figure it out.

I wish you the best. The number of men who CTB after divorce is crazy high. Society doesn't really give us a lot of options.

The truth is the idea of men and women being " equal" is an idiotic lie. Complete,utter bullshit. Women are...what they are.
Laws and customs in our woke society allow and encourage the worst in women to be actualized. Women are shit. If they were not allowed to be shit,they wouldn't be.
Of course,many women here have been horribly screwed over by men. I sympathize with them and wish them healing and happiness.
Success is the best revenge,I guess.