Venting Feeling alone

[the long sleep]

• spends weeks reconciling 2 groups of friends immediately after coming out of the psych ward for being suicidal
• re-destroy own mental health doing it
• end up outcast from both groups
• get broken up with by bf for how badly i'm coping
• one group scatters with a friend of over a year saying she never saw me as a friend + thought i was always cold to her
• other group starts inviting in people who harassed me + my gf (i know i said bf earlier; we were a polyamorous triad) despite previously promising it'd remain a safe space + that these people would be banned (and didn't communicate with me at all)
• notice that people are actively avoiding me / only join calls within 5 minutes of me leaving
• become the struggler

I'm so fucking alone. I'm so fucking alone. I can't talk to my girlfriend about how sad I am, suicide is a banned topic and they'll break up with me on the spot if I do. But what can I do? Who can I go to? I wish I was dead but it's not an option right now for the sake of keeping things afloat for family. I've never felt so alienated from everybody I know. I don't know why I keep trying but it's not for my sake, it's for the people who claim they'd miss me but won't give me any time out of their day while I'm here

 

[Nightfoot]

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and feeling abandoned when you're struggling hurts. I hope things get better for you.

 

[qwert3948]

i understand you :(

 

[reiII]

I know how it feels to be the source of everyone's misery, I'm sorry. I say "feels" though, because I dont think you are. I think youre trying your best