Venting Feel so trapped

[SakoyaLT2732]

I've been low for so long and stuck in a hole, I've got nothing in my life to hang on for, I've been so depressed these past couple of weeks because of something that's happened that I've stayed in bed and no one has noticed. I'm completely done with it, can't spend the rest of my life wallowing on my own and I have no idea how to change. I can't hold down a job because I'm just incapable no matter how hard I try, I've got barely any friends because I can't connect with people.. and I try to, I really do, but it's not possible for me for some reason. I feel like the rest of the world is in a goldfish bowl and I'm on the outside but I can't get in. I've been looking for ways out for such a long time but have no idea how to go about even getting hold of SN and all the equipment that's needed. I've asked for help, been referred to therapists and broken down in front of countless GP's (one of which suggested that I go for a walk once a day.. which is good advice, but not for fixing someone who is in front of you in tears telling you they want to fucking die)
It's good to have a place to vent because I feel like I'm screaming inside

 

[FuneralCry]

I do get that feeling trapped in this life can certainly be so tiring and dreadful. It sounds like you have suffered a lot and of course I really do hate the fact how we have to struggle so much in order to finally be free from this world. Suicide should always be there as an accessible option for us as none of us should have to suffer a second longer than we wish to.

 

[makethepainstop]

I've been low for so long and stuck in a hole, I've got nothing in my life to hang on for, I've been so depressed these past couple of weeks because of something that's happened that I've stayed in bed and no one has noticed. I'm completely done with it, can't spend the rest of my life wallowing on my own and I have no idea how to change. I can't hold down a job because I'm just incapable no matter how hard I try, I've got barely any friends because I can't connect with people.. and I try to, I really do, but it's not possible for me for some reason. I feel like the rest of the world is in a goldfish bowl and I'm on the outside but I can't get in. I've been looking for ways out for such a long time but have no idea how to go about even getting hold of SN and all the equipment that's needed. I've asked for help, been referred to therapists and broken down in front of countless GP's (one of which suggested that I go for a walk once a day.. which is good advice, but not for fixing someone who is in front of you in tears telling you they want to fucking die)
It's good to have a place to vent because I feel like I'm screaming inside

You can scream here and it's just fine. Sometimes all of us want to scream like banshees. So do hang out, you are among friends. So scream as loud as you like.

 

[SakoyaLT2732]

You can scream here and it's just fine. Sometimes all of us want to scream like banshees. So do hang out, you are among friends. So scream as loud as you like.

Thank you so much, this means a lot. It's so tempting to just scream and throw things a lot but I doubt my neighbours would appreciate it

I do get that feeling trapped in this life can certainly be so tiring and dreadful. It sounds like you have suffered a lot and of course I really do hate the fact how we have to struggle so much in order to finally be free from this world. Suicide should always be there as an accessible option for us as none of us should have to suffer a second longer than we wish to.

It's awful isn't it, and the kind of judgement and guilt we get for admitting that we want to leave isn't fair. I'm honestly so glad I found this site

 

[makethepainstop]

Thank you so much, this means a lot. It's so tempting to just scream and throw things a lot but I doubt my neighbours would appreciate it

It's awful isn't it, and the kind of judgement and guilt we get for admitting that we want to leave isn't fair. I'm honestly so glad I found this site

If those idiots were in our shoes, they would be less inclined to judge, and more greatly inclined to scream. When screaming didn't help them too much, they would want to CTB, with the quickness. Much love to you my hurting friend.

 

[SakoyaLT2732]

If those idiots were in our shoes, they would be less inclined to judge, and more greatly inclined to scream. When screaming didn't help them too much, they would want to CTB, with the quickness. Much love to you my hurting friend.

Exactly, it's easy to judge from the outside. Much love to you too

 

[bed]

I relate a lot to your thoughts. I also have nothing really going for me and haven't in a very long time. I've never had a job and have been on disability for most of my adult life; for mental health and chronic pain. I struggle to find any meaningful relationships and don't leave my room most days and rarely my house besides going for appointments or the odd walk. As you said though walks really don't do much if anything when you're in crisis...lol. No therapy or meds have ever helped for an extended period of time and I always end up reverting back to being stagnant and letting life pass by. It feels like you have to cope and pretend everything is fine while your world is caving in beneath your feet and I do not want to "live" continually coping because that's merely existing.
I feel like a ghost...despite people knowing that I'm suicidal and can barely function, they don't really care, or if they do it's for a few days, and then it's like nothing ever happened.
I'm sorry how hard it's been for you. It's hard to make progress, especially with how cruel the world is and how generally most people are only in it for themselves and will discard you when you no longer serve a purpose to them.

 

[SakoyaLT2732]

I relate a lot to your thoughts. I also have nothing really going for me and haven't in a very long time. I've never had a job and have been on disability for most of my adult life; for mental health and chronic pain. I struggle to find any meaningful relationships and don't leave my room most days and rarely my house besides going for appointments or the odd walk. As you said though walks really don't do much if anything when you're in crisis...lol. No therapy or meds have ever helped for an extended period of time and I always end up reverting back to being stagnant and letting life pass by. It feels like you have to cope and pretend everything is fine while your world is caving in beneath your feet and I do not want to "live" continually coping because that's merely existing.
I feel like a ghost...despite people knowing that I'm suicidal and can barely function, they don't really care, or if they do it's for a few days, and then it's like nothing ever happened.
I'm sorry how hard it's been for you. It's hard to make progress, especially with how cruel the world is and how generally most people are only in it for themselves and will discard you when you no longer serve a purpose to them.

I'm so sorry you're going through something similar, it's honestly the loneliest feeling ever. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my life with no idea how to change it. If you ever want an impartial stranger to talk to feel free to DM me

 

[makethepainstop]

I relate a lot to your thoughts. I also have nothing really going for me and haven't in a very long time. I've never had a job and have been on disability for most of my adult life; for mental health and chronic pain. I struggle to find any meaningful relationships and don't leave my room most days and rarely my house besides going for appointments or the odd walk. As you said though walks really don't do much if anything when you're in crisis...lol. No therapy or meds have ever helped for an extended period of time and I always end up reverting back to being stagnant and letting life pass by. It feels like you have to cope and pretend everything is fine while your world is caving in beneath your feet and I do not want to "live" continually coping because that's merely existing.
I feel like a ghost...despite people knowing that I'm suicidal and can barely function, they don't really care, or if they do it's for a few days, and then it's like nothing ever happened.
I'm sorry how hard it's been for you. It's hard to make progress, especially with how cruel the world is and how generally most people are only in it for themselves and will discard you when you no longer serve a purpose to them.

For some unknown and perhaps I am being weird, reason people like you make me wish I could hug them. Not a kinky or sex thing, just the reassurance that in this damn wretched world someone gave a damn. Wish your pain could be at least halved if not relieved entirely.
Much love to all my friends who suffer as I do!

 

[flyingtopluto]

I'm in the same situation as you and I feel guilty as hell for not being productive enough. For me, it's just so easy to give up than persevere on anything I try to do. I don't even know if I'm just being lazy or lacking motivation anymore. I've constantly tried to be "productive" and quit so many times that I've given up on myself.