Venting Feel like I'm loosing it

[lonleycrowdedwest]

The past six months have been terrible, but I'm still having trouble going through with my CTB. I'm afraid that the SN will be painful and terrifying. In the past year ive been picked on and dumped by people who i considered my best friends for over a quarter of my life. They sneak out to hang out without me, and one especially manipulative one has been "accidentally" leaving voicemails where he brings me up and has everyone shit on me. I am now being completely ignored by all of them. When i tried to talk to my closest friend about it he said "maybe you should just find new friends". I'm never invited to anything. Ive always struggled making friends but I felt like i finally found some people to hold close, but all that is being taken away. I can't fucking go on. I spend my days in my room, and my nights crying while they all hang out without me. I quit my job after going through what felt like a 3 day panic attack. I stay up until 3 and wake up at 7 every day, and ive lost 10lbs last month from not being able to eat. I'm not meant for this world and there's nothing left for me here. I'm just too much of a pussy to go through with it. How can existence be this terrible

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is a terrible thing, I mean we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. People are just so cruel, I'm sorry you are suffering. I also feel as though I'm not meant for this world. It is not cowardly feeling as though you are unable to ctb as we are programmed to survive after all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Existence really is a terrible thing, I mean we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. People are just so cruel, I'm sorry you are suffering. I also feel as though I'm not meant for this world. It is not cowardly feeling as though you are unable to ctb as we are programmed to survive after all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Thank you. It's a shame when I ask to my closest friend of 6 years please tell me what is up, i know im being pushed away, and they just lie and continue ignoring me.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Thank you. It's a shame when I ask to my closest friend of 6 years please tell me what is up, i know im being pushed away, and they just lie and continue ignoring me.

I find that so frustrating. Just WHY?! What the hell is wrong with people?!

 

[Werewolf.]

I wish you lived near me so I could be your friend.

 

[meetapple]

When I was in college some of the people in the dorm I stayed at rented an apartment together. I was never asked. Then when I was in law school some people from my dorm did the same thing. I was always passed over because I was so reserved. There will be people who will respect you if you are a good person.

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

i cannot take it anymore. I need help but nothing will